Billies pov
February 1, thursday
Having someone you love in a coma is such an inexplicable feeling. Tyler is not dead but shes not alive either
Was it me? Did i do something wrong? Maybe i did. Maybe shes only where she is bc of me, bc of something i did?
I always feel anxious, scared, insecure and concerned. But i do know that i have to be hopeful, i hope she gets better or that she is able to adapt
Funny how only in moments like this we see the value of happy moments. in the suffering times we identify the little moments we always thought that would remain there
Its been two months since they induced the coma. Everything looks different, everything is different. Even if shes not dead it does feel like she is, the world is now black and white
I hear people say "you still have her", no i dont. Even before she was born, i always thought ab her life and death, not something in between. And i thought ab every single possibility, but i havent thought ab this one.
And to be honest i wish she was gone. The feeling of not knowing if shes feeling pain or if shes not, kills me every minute. Every little minute a part of me goes into a coma w her.
Life is too rough for such an angel. I would give everything and anything to be on her place
My thoughts were interrupted when i saw brandon approach the bank i was sitting in
Brandon: its cold out here-he sat down as i just hummed and we stayed silent looking at people coming in and out of the hospital-we need to talk-he finally broke the silence
Billie: ik-i sighed. Ik exactly where this was going
Brandon: this is not working-he said-not for you or for me-he looked at me but i kept looking at people
Billie: maybe we were just made to be friends-i said
Brandon: or maybe, destiny will get us on the way back to the other someday-he said making me finally look at him and smile-come here-i sat closer to him hugging his torso as he kissed my head a couple times. We pulled out of the hug and i put my head on his shoulder as one of his arms were around my shoulder too
Billie: i'll always love you okay?-i smiled even though he couldnt see it
Brandon: i'll always love you too, thank you for tyler-he caressed my shoulder-you brought my biggest dream to life-i smiled again thinking ab tyler-i still remember the day i found out ab your pregnancy-he giggled
Billie: nurse aimee-we both chuckled before going silent again-well, i need to thank you too-i sighed-for tyler, for all of our happy moments, for my unforgettable 17th bday, thank you for finally showing me what happiness and pure love means, thanks for showing me that i do deserve to be loved and that i can do anything i want as long as i am okay-i smiled once again-you made the last years sm better brandon. We had ups and downs but you made everything better so thank you, you'll always have a piece of my heart-i finished feeling him kiss my head again
Brandon: and i wanna thank you for showing how actual love feels like, the feeling of wanting to die just by seeing the person you love get hurt, the feeling of knowing you would kill and die for that person and that nothing in the world makes you happier than seeing that person okay, thank you for that, i never thought one day i would feel that way ab anyone, but you came into my life and showed me that i was so wrong-he chuckled-thank you for always seeing the best in me and for giving me everything i always dreamed ab. Happiness, pure love and the most beautiful kid ever-he finished making me smile
Billie: we're still gonna be friends right?
Brandon: yep, and we'll take care of tyler as if we were still together-i nodded once again-well, i have to go home, take a shower and work on a few things-he said making me take my head out of his shoulder seeing him stand up-my mom is still there, but she said she was leaving around 8pm, cuz she still gotta cook dinner and all that
Billie: okay, its getting cold anyways, im problably going up already-i nodded getting my purse and standing up
Brandon: you should go home sometimes-he said and i shook my head
Billie: i've tried and i almost died in a car accident-i said making both of us laugh
Brandon: i mean it-he said as we stopped laughing
Billie: so do i-i chuckled
Brandon: bil...-
Billie: its fine que, im fine-i cut him putting my purse over my shoulder and pulling him into a hug-i love you, drive safely-i felt him hug my waist
Brandon: i love you, bye-we pulled out of the hug and i stayed there watching him go inside the car and leave. I smiled again going inside the hospital
Nurse aimee: Billie-
Billie: im not going home nurse aimee-i cut her chuckling
Nurse aimee: well, you should-she screamed before the elevator door closed making me giggle
I walked towards tylers room seeing kayla sitting in the chair next to the incubator caressing tylers lil hand. I smiled at the scene
Billie: hi-i said going inside
Kayla: hi billie, wheres brandon?
Billie: he went home, he said he had to take a shower and work on a few things-she nodded turning back to tyler
Kayla: how are you?
Billie: im fine-i lied seeing her look at me-okay, maybe not FINE but like fine yk-i chuckled seeing her smile while shaking her head.
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A/n: see you on saturday!!
