SwayLA Imagines

Imagine #5- Depression

In this one, there will be mentions of domestic abuse, and or violence. Mentions of rape and sexual harassment. Mentions on abortion. Mentions and description of self harm. Mentions of drug addiction and abuse. And finally, mentions of suicide.

Also, I know nothing about depression, so I'm sorry if this offense anyone in any way. Also, if you would like, let me know if I need to edit or rewrite something to make it better. Thank you!😊

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Here I am, for what is it?.....the fifth time today? I'm curled up in mine and Blake's shared bed crying.

Here's the catch-up. I have severe depression. I've had it since I was little, when my mom and dad were constantly fighting.
My safe place, was always Blake. He's been my rock since I was 14. He would make sure I was okay, when I let him in.
He knows about everything, that I've told him. And I'm sure it hurts him, but I can't stop my feelings. I can't escape the dark grey and black cloud that is constantly looming over my head.

So, again, I'm balled up crying in Blake's room. He's downstairs making content with the guys while his girlfriend is inside his room, breaking.

Blake P.O.V.

I was downstairs filming a but with Bryce when I realized I haven't seen Jessie today. Hmp.

I told the guys I was gonna go check on my girlfriend and then the teasing fest began.
The "simp"s and "boy, are you whipped" or the "we grind" screaming. At this point, I didn't care.

Jess hasn't been the same lately. She barely leaves our room, and if she does it's to get a water or something small to eat.
She rarely even gets out of bed anymore. She's stopped posting on everything, TikTok, Instagram, she's stopped Tweeting, she's stopped everything.
I know she has depression, hell, I met her at school when I seen her crying in a janitors closet.
(The closet is a different story for a different time.)
I know she has those times where she just stops everything and moves in her room, but this is the worst I've ever seen it. And I dont know if I can fix it.
I just hope I find a way, before it's too late.

Back to Jess

I heard footsteps coming to our door, and I couldn't even try to put on a fake front. I'm tired of it. Tired of hiding everything from him.

Blake: Babe? He asked as he opened the door.
Jess: *still crying, but stammers out* what?
Blake: Babe, what's wrong.
Blake came over and turned me on my side so I could face him. I looked everywhere else but him, I couldn't stand the guilt in his eyes. He blames himself. He blames himself because he's an idiot and because she doesn't know everything.
B

lake: Babe. Look at me.
Jess: I- I can't.
Blake: Yes you can. Baby please.
Jess: I can't Blake.
Blake: Jess. Look at me. Please baby, just let me in. I can't stay on the outside anymore.
I finally give in and I look at Blake. His face pale, the same way it looks before he breaks down and cries.
Jess: I'm sorry.
I say as I break down. Tears or anger, frustration, guilt, sadness, and grief. Anything and everything that has ever happened to me. All the emotions that I had bottled up, just finally exploded.
Blake wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. He held me so tight, also like he was afraid I was gonna run.
He rubbed circles on my back trying to calm my nerves, and it worked but only a little.
But once I fully stopped crying, he pulled his head away from me and looked into my eyes.
Blake: Jess. What's going on? And don't tell me it's just one of those times because it isn't. There is something you're not telling me. I have to know. Don't make me stay on the outside while you break on the inside.
Jess: Blake. There's a lot that you don't know. There's a lot that I haven't told you. What you know, is just the tip of the iceburg. You don't know a whole lot.
Blake: Babe, you have to tell me. Please.
Jess: Okay.
I sat up against the headboard and Blake did the same.
I took a deep breath and started from the beginning.
Jess: When I was about 10, my mom and dad started fighting all the time. He was an alcoholic and every time she brought up drinking, he would hit her.
That went on for a few years until she filed for divorce and practically threw us at him. She didn't even have the decency to fight for us. She just gave us away, like nothing.
Then when it was me, my brother, and my dad, it got worse. He would beat my brother for no reason. Even when he was sober.
When my brother finally had enough, he committed suicide. He took sleeping pills, then never woke up.
Once my brother died, it was even worse. My dad would beat me. He even raped me. Not just once, but so many times I lost count.
I found out I was pregnant a couple weeks later. I had an abortion. I'm sure you think I'm awful for that, but I wasn't going to have a child from incest.
But afterwards, I felt so guilty because of it, I cut myself. I stood there with tears in my eyes and watching blood run down my arms for nights on end.
But one day, the cops showed up because a neighborhood heard me scream. Then it ended. But I'm still so numb that sometimes I can't feel anything. And now I'm here.
Blake: Why didn't you tell me? I could've saved you. I could've helped.
Jess: Because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want t to put you in harms way. I did what I had to do. And if that meant hiding everything, then I did.
Blake: I'm sorry.
He embraced me again and pulled me over to where I was sitting his lap, straddling him. I put my head in his shoulder and cried until I couldn't physically cry anymore. But even then, Blake held me close.
Jess: Blake. I said pulling my head away from him. I looked into his eyes and seen nothing but guilt, regret, and maybe even some sadness.
Blake: What?
Jess: Don't blame yourself. And don't pity me now that you know the truth. You did what you could with what you knew. Okay? You promise me?
Blake: I promise.
Jess: And I love you. And nothing a friend way. Because even when we were teenagers, you always looked after me. You always took care of me. And I never told you how much I loved you. How much I love you.
Blake: I love you too. With everything in me.
With that, I leaned in and connected my lips with Blake's. The kiss not like any other. This one was full of love, and passion, and happiness. Enough happiness to last a lifetime, no matter how dark that cloud is, Blake is always my sunshine.