Plus Size Queen

I Just Can't

I looked in the mirror and I couldn't find anything I liked about myself. I touched my face and kept thinking about when I pushed James away. I know he was mad because his face was a whole new shade of red. I felt bad for him. He got to deal with me. I grabbed all the fat on my stomach and became even more depressed then before. I thought of the kids that I had went to elementary school with. I was a little child. I didn't deserve it. Did I? I was never boastful or selfish. I was just weak. I heard a knock on the door and I rushed and put on a black baggy shirt and my tweety bird pajama pants. When I opened the door I saw James in his black shirt that said That's right I like my girls BBW! With white sweatpants. It had a thick girl with a massive butt. I was jealous of that girl. She wasn't to fat like me. She had a shape every girl try to achieve.

"Are you going to tell me what up now? Or do I have to suffer another sleepless night wondering what's wrong with you?" He had one of his arm supporting him while he lean on my door. He had bags under his eyes causing me to feel even worse about myself. I wanted to slam the door and act like it was never opened. It was too late for me to do it. If I made him stand even longer he will sleep on my pouch.

"James I am tired. Please let me sleep. It's a freaking weekend. It also my anniversary 1 whole month without an abusive mother." I said monotone. I didn't feel like explaining myself. I didn't want to tell him that I was hating my body right now. I didn't want him to see me. I felt him. Looking at me intensely. I felt his hand grab my arm before I could get the door to close.

"Do you love me?" He looked me in the eye with his eyes drowned in sorrow. I don't deserve a man like him. I don't even deserve a bum. I think I might be scared of bums.

"Of course I do! Why would you think that?" I said panicking. Is he dumping me? He's going to say if you love me set me free like a developed butterfly. It can NOT happen to me today of all days. I felt my leg being poke on hard. It was my fingers fault.

"I think that because there is something going on and you are not telling me." Should I tell him? It's not like I don't trust him. I do trust him. I think it's the fact that I am embarrassed. What I he laughs at me. What if he tells me that it true? I will die of embarrassment. He can't think like that. Even if he do he won't tell me. I grabbed him and sat him in a chair. I had his back towards me and I sighed and can't believe I have to go through this. I was use to dealing with it alone. I wanted to deal with alone because I don't want to depend on someone to help me though something. He tried to turn towards me but I turned him back around.

"No stay like this while I talk." I said panicking for a minute.

"Ok." Was all he said. I slowed my heart that was beating rapidly from James moving.

"I am a premature baby. Which means I came out my mom womb early. So they had to care for a lot more then with a new baby. When I gained weight they would always congratulate me. When I was four years old I finally reached the weight that the doctors wanted me to to be. So I could finally eat regularly. So that's exactly what I did but I kept gaining weight. The doctors found out that I had an inactive thyroid. I was too young to get any treatment so all I could do was gain weight. They are not even sure how I get it at a young age. I was healthy enough to go to school because it wasn't that bad. I thought it was going to be so great but when I went..." My voice quivered a bit. I couldn't finish. I held his shirt and heard myself weeping. My tears started to fall on his shirt. Why couldn't I suck up my tears like I did when I was younger? Why couldn't I say it without cry even though I thought about it constantly? I guess I am still weak even though I tried so hard. I felt his hand touch mine squeezed it hard. It is not the ones that hurt but the ones that secure you.

"Keep going. I got you." He grabbed my hand and intwine his fingers with mine. I tried to look at him but my vision was blurred because of my crying.

"When I started to go to school no one would even dare to hang around me. They treated me like pure crap!" I kept talking about my past. There was moment I felt like I couldn't continue but James helped me keep going. I held his hand which was surprisingly huge. His hand is Large. His hand is like the iPhone 6 plus and mine is the 4th iPhone.

"Give me their names..." He said with his head low. His leg was moving fast and he held his leg with the hand I hadn't occupied. Their name? I may as well tell you the school name.

"Why?" I inch closer to his. I turned him facing me and saw that he was red and he was crying. It made my heart skip a beat. I have never been more turned on in my life.

"I going to kill them." He got up and started to walk out. I grabbed and tried to get him back omg the seat. We end up falling on the couch. I fell on top of him and I saw one of my tears fall on his face.

"You can't." I said still sitting on him.

"Why?! They hurt you!" He tried to move me but I hugged him and wouldn't let him go.

"Because I forgave them. I love you and I want you to understand that I want to start new with you." Eventually he stop pushing me away and hug me back. Me and James held each other and cried. Together we cried. When we stop I grabbed two cold bottle of water.

"Which was the worst moment?" He asked after I sat next to him. There was a lot of bad things that happen. Some was tied. I doubt he was to hear about all of them.

"One day this girl named Betty Lou brought her dog to show and tell. I brought a pretty dress. A few guys took her dog and I decided to help get it back. We ran all the way around the neighborhood. We found them in an abandon home. It had light somehow. They told her to cut my hair or they would let her dog go away. She refused to do it so one of the guys got annoyed and got a baseball bat. He hit that dog 37 times. He wouldn't stop! The dog was dead by the 9th swing!! He laughed while doing it to. He said 'If you don't cut her hair you will end up like you dog!' I told her to cut it. It was my first haircut. It was the worst haircut ever." I was shaking badly and couldn't drink my water properly. I never ever wanted a pet. I think for that whole week I didn't have meat. I wonder what would make an human being to that to another living thing. I had night mare for the whole school year. Every time I saw her face I would think of that dog. I think the dog name was Safe. She was just twelve years old. Why must she suffer. I felt James touch my hair.

"How it grow back so fast?" He felt my hair and I liked how he was liking it.

"My mom is Malaysian." Her hair background is unbelievable. It was weird because My dad is black and he have an mini Afro. He felt the hair closer to the roots.

"Jamie I love you so much." I smiled lightly and kissed him. I didn't know how good this was going to be. I couldn't believe that I Jamie Victory Capes would ever find a man would love me.

"I love you more." He kissed me and held my lower back. We watched Tammy. My dad got it from redbox yesterday. My dad came home and got super mad at James then we all watched The Other Women. My dad had brought a whole bunch of food and gave us some. My dad let me sit next to James after a huge debate we had. I was in between my dad and James. A large bucket of Carmel Popcorn was on my lap.

"Hi Mr. Capes may I call Jamie my Black Malaysian princess?" James asked After the movie ended. I smacked my forehead and my dad chocked on his soda. I told him Soda was bad for him but he don't listen to me. I pat my dad back and he finally got better.

"No!"

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Ok you guys since none of y'all got my last question right at all I decided to give you an easier question. The answer was iPhone zero. She said she will get me an iPhone zero. If you mad just know I am too. It was a trick question sorry. The next one is not a trick question.

What month is my birthday? Since there is 12 months you get to guess three times and a hint is I am not a winter baby. Who ever get it they can read before it is published. It will be published next Sunday or the day after.

I will also update on a valentines day. Who else going to be lonely? This valentine day I will be spending it with my calculater. Algebra 2 is no joke.