The Atham Manor (Slow Updates)

Linus

We all sat in the living room moments after they'd dropped that bomb on me. Calvin sat on the table, watching me carefully for any expression I made. Warren had me in his arms, which was his way of comforting me and Henry stood by the far wall, expressionless.

I tried to copy that. Partly because I didn't know what to express. Linus was someone I came to trust in the short while I knew him. He already told me about what he'd done to get him in trouble with the brothers already. Now we were dealing with something, judging from how tense the brothers were, that was a lot worse than what I'd already experienced.

I wanted to be sad.

I wanted to be afraid.

I wanted to be angry.

But I couldn't really feel anything.

"Xania?" Calvin's soft tone brought me out of my musings. He was the most afraid of my reaction because he'd picked Linus's fate. There were only two options for death they could give Linus, and apparently, a quick painless death was what Calvin had granted him.

Up against an extremely slow death from starvation, it was the kinder of the sentences.

"Yeah?"

"Can you say something?"

Warren's hand squeezed my waist as he looked at me imploringly, trying to get a reaction out of me. I glanced at them all before shaking my head. "I don't... I don't know what you want me to say."

Calvin's face fell. "Ask to see him maybe?"

I lifted my eyes toward the blond. "Can I do that?"

"You want to?" Warren asked with a nod.

"No." I said after a moment. "I don't think I want to see him beforehand. It'll hurt worse."

The three brothers shared a look before Calvin spoke, "Okay. Well... what can we do to help you feel better?"

I shrugged limply. "I don't know."

Calvin stood up from the coffee table and jutted his head toward the door. Warren and Henry both followed him out of the living room. I sunk into the couch a little more, feeling a headache coming on.

Only Calvin returned. "Xani, I think we should go see him."

I shook my head. "I don't want to."

Calvin sat down in front of me and patted my knee. "Listen, I know it's going to be hard, but if I know anything, it's that you'll regret not seeing him later. He's only got a few days."

His words really didn't help much. But I thought about how Calvin saved him in the past. And the fact that he trusted him enough to watch over me. He chose Linus's sentence. I'm sure this is depressing for him too.

"Okay."

Calvin's face brightened a little, "Let's go after you've had breakfast."

So as Amelia was making omelets, I took a shower, got dressed and fixed my hair. I didn't really put much thought into how I dressed because I couldn't bring myself to expend the effort. I didn't really have a desire to go anywhere nor did I have an appetite. Anika's words rang in my head. Don't try to force yourself to be okay. You're allowed to feel whatever emotions you choose and heal from them.

I inhaled slowly.

I wasn't okay. I knew that. I felt that. It was okay not to be okay.

Numbly, I ate. I couldn't finish more than half of the omelet, but Calvin seemed pleased that I ate even a little. He asked if I wanted Henry or Warren to come along, and I agreed for both of them because I still didn't know if I wanted to be alone with Calvin on a long drive.