No Escape

Chapter Fifty

It was dark out by the time Lily's tears finally stopped. Her mate kept her wrapped up in his arms, whispering comforting words and trying to send calming emotions through their bond. She hastily wiped the tears away, sat up, and pulled herself out of Jackson's arms. "I'm sorry." Lily said as she sniffled and wiped the tears away.

Jackson placed his hand on her cheek, "you have nothing to apologize for, Lil." He tried to understand where her head was at, but she had him blocked out. He frowned at this realization. After everything, she still wasn't completely letting him in. Jackson wasn't even sure if she realized what she was doing. It was killing him to see her like this, so heartbroken. He hated that she was keeping him out; trying to power through on her own. He hesitated before speaking again, "please, don't do that. Don't shut me out."

She was quiet for a while, as if she had zoned out. Lily didn't want him to see how much this still affected her, she couldn't let him. She had to be strong. Jackson had been so busy and stressed out. It was up to the two of them to make things right. He needed a strong Luna who could handle everything that was thrown their way. Lily was determined to be that and she had been successful so far. She couldn't let him see how badly this was still affecting her. She couldn't let anyone see that. She had to be okay; she was okay. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. "I'm okay, Jacks." Lily watched as his face fell and was confused, "what?"

"I know that's not true," Jackson said to her. "Just because everything is over and the people who have hurt you are taken care of, it doesn't stop your pain and your hurt. Recovery doesn't work like that. Mourning and loss don't work like that. Even though you're shutting me out of your thoughts, I can still feel the pain--the heartbreak--you're going through. Let me help you. Please, don't force yourself to go through this alone. I'm here; I'm with you, every step of the way. I know I can never truly understand what you went through, but let me help you move past it."

His words resonated deep in Lily, she thought hard about everything he had said. It was only when she came to realize one thing that she let her wall down once again. This realization? I am not alone. Lily let down the barrier that she was trying so desperately to keep up, to keep him from seeing everything that was constantly going through her head. She wasn't sure if he knew that there was a part of her mind that she always kept locked away, only letting small pieces of it out every once in a while in a moment of vulnerability. But she let it crumble, letting him see everything.

Jackson was at a loss for words as he began to see and feel every little thing his mate did. All the memories of the trauma and the immense pain and heartbreak that still resided deep inside of her. It was overwhelming, and she had been going through it alone. There was one memory that repeated itself over and over again on a constant loop in her head. Jackson could feel his heart shatter every single time it played in his head.

To Lily, it had felt like he had been pulling at the memory closer and closer to the front of her head as it just replayed like it always had, as if the memory was somehow more present than it always was in her head. "Lily, you lost your daughter." It was always on her mind, and the pain never lessened. Some days it was easier to distract herself, but it was always there. Some days it hit her harder and she fought so hard to just keep herself together. But the pain never went away.

Jackson knew that he had reason to be worried, but he didn't realize how bad it was. She had hidden so much of herself away to convince everyone that she was fine, but she had been nowhere close.

He was surprised when Lily finally broke the silence after the repeated memory continued its loop, "that was the worst day of my life." Her words shocked him. After all she had been through, his words were behind her worst memory. He hated that fact.