Escapade

chapter 54

If you will ask me what's the most important and wonderful feeling that I ever felt, I will gladly answer you the same thing I craved before.

The most wonderful feeling I ever felt was being free.

The people around you might try to cage and chain you with their sinful hands and minds but if you have the strength to be free, you will be.

How many times I wished to be free? I wished for it countless times before. I wanted to escape and be free from the disastrous and terrifying past that I had. I never succeeded to ran away from my past. And then I realized, staring at my weak and sick father, that my life will never change its past. What happened to me before, will stay what it is forever. The only thing I can do with it is to let my self be free and strong to face the present and future. Be free and never let the traumatic history repeats in your present and to your near future.

Maybe, everyone was not like me. Everyone can do whatever they want to their lives but I guess there's nothing wrong when you learned to forgive and let the past stay in the past. The more you carry your past in your present day, the more you will suffer when the future come.

Everyone has these differences when it comes to forgiving and forgetting. It was never easy, it will never be. I learned that things that happened in the past can also make us suffer in our present and future, only if you let that happen. It will affect your whole life if you let it. You are free, you have your choice.

And my choice was to let it there, past stay on the past. Forgive who did wrong in the past so that you won't have burdens and heavy hearts in your near future. How hard it may be done, how long it may wait to forgive, how much you try and how much you can give was okay. We cannot force ourselves to forgive immediately, it always takes time.

And I am saying that, it is okay. Everything you can do and try to forgive was enough and okay. Ayos lang basta sinusubukan at hindi pinipilit. Ayos lang kahit matagal at least hindi minamadali. Ayos lang kung maliliit na hakbang ang ginagawa para makapagpatawad. Ayos lang kung sa tingin mo magiging maayos ka.

Forgiving also means peace. Sometimes, people do really have no conscience, they are not asking for forgiveness. But I think, it is still okay if you forgive them even if they are not asking for it. You forgive them for your own good and peace. You forgive them because you want to move on. You forgive them so that you can start again. You can always choose to forgive and forgive them without a heavy heart.

The powerful defense in your peace of mind was forgiving and the most purest part of that defense was sincerity.

People have hearts. There's no such people who's heartless and evil. People who did bad and wrong things to you will be easily defeated when you sincerely forgive them even if they are not askig for it. I believe in human nature, I believe that people have hearts.

I can finally shout that I am free. Why? Because I have my choices to make. I have my coffee and I will decide what I want to eat everyday. I am free to look on the positive and pleasant side of the day. I am free to give love and smile to everyone. I am free because I chose to be.

And I am free because I want to be. No one can take it away from me again.

“Heldigar,” I glanced at him. I raised a brow.

“You need anything?” mabilis kong tanong sa kanya. He sighed violently and unbuttoned his longsleeve polo shirt. Malalaki ang hakbang ang ginawa niya para makalapit sa akin.

"Hep hep..." I pointed him and he stopped. I instanly covered my nose. He sighed and frustratedly run his fingers to his hair.

“Baby, I didn't use my ----”