Lust and Wrath

Chapter 17

Sarah's Point of View-

As soon as I pull my car up to the school, I see my son rushing towards it. What's that on his face, a band-aid? Oh God, what has he gotten himself into this time? He enters the car, about to say something, but I demand questions first.

"Why do you have a band-aid on your nose?" I ask.

"I don't want to talk about it, mum," he said.

I'm trying to understand him, but as his mother, I need to be there for him. Seeing him like this, and lying to me all the time isn't allowing me to help him. "Please, will you just tell me what happened?" I ask, pulling out of the school parking lots, and on our way home.

"Let's just say I fell on the ground okay," he says, tired of trying to cover it up, "My friend Nico was there to help me, so everything is better."

I continue to stare at him, and then I shake my head and pay attention to the wheel. When is he ever going to lighten up and talk to me?

...

By the time we got home, I forgot about the whole thing. I can tell he doesn't want to talk about it, so I will leave him be. "I'll be my room, dear, take a shower before you go to bed for me, yeah?"

He nods, and then I close the door into my room. Today was such a stressful day, I need a break. I go take off my shoes, and put on my slippers, and lay down in bed. I'm too tired to deal with it right now. I grab my laptop from off the counter and open it up. Somebody was messaging me earlier, so I go see who it is.

"Mike?" I ask to myself. Mike Bullei was his father, still left back in France. Why would he be messaging me all of a sudden.

"Hey, I need to talk to you. Message me when you're back, I'll be online all day."

I wonder why he's messaging me all of a sudden now. We sort of, cut our communication ever since we left Europe, and Daniel has had an angry relationship with him ever since, for the wrong reasons.

I didn't have the heart to tell him what really did happen when we were in France, so I just told him a lie. Luckily, he never brought it up or anything until now. I start to type on my keyboard, looking at the screen intently.

"What is it, Mike?"

It takes a while for him to respond, but then he finally does.

"They finally gave me my passport for America, I can come back to you guys now."

"What? What are you talking about?" My eyes widened.

"This weekend, I'm leaving France, and then I'll head over to the U.S."

This is all so soon, he's kidding right?

"You aren't serious, are you?"

"Yes, I'm serious. You should go tell him."

"Are you kidding me, he hates you, and you're his father for God's sake!"

"Wait, you still haven't told him?"

I know what he's talking about. He probably would've expected him to think my explanation of what happened before we left Europe was a lie, and forced me to tell the truth, or for me to finally fess up and tell him. No, that's not going to happen, it just can't.

"No, what do you think Mike?"

"Sarah, you need to tell him..."

Looking at his words makes tears threaten to fall from my eyes. I can't believe what he's saying.

"I can't Mike.. He'll hate my guts, and he'll probably leave me as well,"

"Look at yourself. You're keeping secrets from your own son. What's gotten into you Sarah?"

He continued, "He won't leave you, and he won't hate you. I promise. Heck, if you tell him, you could probably bring us all together as a family again once I get there,"

Even though we were only messaging each other on a laptop, I could probably hear him on the other side, laughing, trying to cheer me up. He was always such a nice guy, and I can't even believe he would even go with what I did. Married couples being apart just can't work, but he still wants to make it work. I feel like crap.

I take a sigh, before beginning to type again.

"Mike, our intentions were to get rid of something in that operation, not to later bring it back. What if he has a relapse once I tell him? What will happen to him then?"

"Just trust me. Just tell him tomorrow that I'll be arriving, and try to make it sound like good news. We can save the whole explanation for when I get there, if you'd like."

"Yes.. Yes I'd like that."

He then messaged a smiley face, followed by a sweet dreams message, then went offline. I suppose it was time for me to get some rest too. I don't want to tell him what happened, but if I don't, then I'll forever have to live with the guilt as a mother who had always told her son lies. He'll hate me if I do this to him, but I have to get it off my chest. It's just not something I can live with. I place my laptop back on my counter, and then put on my sleeping mask, as I drift into sleep.

...

I finished putting on my everyday clothes for the morning, and I walk into the kitchen. Daniel is eating Cheerios, as he looks up at me. I guess before he left for the bus, this would be the time to tell him.

"Still eating, dear?" I tried to sound a little happy.

"Yeah, why?" he asked, mouth full.

"I have a surprise for you," I said, and I could tell I was sounding nervous. I hope I can make the next part sound right. I was hoping he would guess, but he just gestured for me to get it on with.

"Your father is coming to town this weekend," I said, failing at trying to sound a little better.

"What?" he said, cheerios falling out of his mouth dramatically. Oh, this is already spiraling into chaos. "Yes, he's coming this weekend. Honey, please, just try to-" I try to over-explain it, but he interrupts me. "No, what is wrong with you mum? Don't you remember what happened in France?"

"Yes, I do remember," I say, a little heartbroken by his words. He still believes the lie I told him. I'm a horrible mother. "But.. Oh my God, what have I doing... I can't," I choke on my words, beginning to cry. I'm completely traumatized now. What I did was horrible, and this is such a bad idea.

"I can't... I can't do this anymore..."

I cover my face, and rush out the door to my car. I hate for him to see me weak like this, it isn't right, but I deserve all of it. I see him heading out the door, but I keep watching the front of my car. He gets in the rental car, and I can see him looking at me, regretfully. This isn't what I expected to happen.

"Mum," he starts. No, I can't let him pity me. I can't let him think anything is wrong with me, even though there is, and I shouldn't even be a mother because of how horrible I am. "It's okay," I say, patting the wheel trying to lighten myself up. I pull out of our driveway, and drive on our way to his school.

I despise myself for everything I've done to him. His father would be perfect for him, I'm not. I never wanted this to happen, but life took a turn all of a sudden, and I had to do what I could. A few minutes after we're on the road, I say a few words in advance, before I talk to him about what really happened, later.

"I'm sorry."