"Being Ben's"

13. Emilio... mi amour

"Let me help you." He said again.

"Why do you even care all of the sudden?" I raised my voice, feeling hot tears roll down my face. I wiped them away with the blanket over and over again. "You're my boss and that's it."

"That's-."

"Just g- get out." I shuddered and hid my face with the blankets. I felt the bed dip as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Not until you let me help you feel better." He touched my back. I tried to knock it away. "Why?" I sniffled. "I don't understand."

He got up and the door closed. I looked up to see if he left the room but he was coming back to sit on the bed, I groaned. "Just go away."

"Felix, calm down." He said. "For two second... please."

I wiped my nose with my sleeves. "Are you drunk? Why are you being so nice to me right now?" I sniffled. He sighed and frowned. "No, I'm not drunk. I promise." He grabbed my chin gently this time and made me look at him. "Can I tell you something about me?" He asked, wiping my cheek with his thumb.

I looked away, not wanting his affection. "I hate that you do this to me." I grumbled wiping away my own tears. He sighed. "Do what?"

"Build me up and make me feel nice, protected... appreciated then you turn around and yell at me and tell me I'm nothing."

"I make... you-..." he sighed again rubbing his temples. "I'm scared of my father and what happened... because from what I've learned history repeats itself. It's my fault... and I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me. I'm sorry, Felix. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

I ignored his apology and shook my head. "I don't understand what your father has to do with all of this." I sneezed and looked at him. He was in lazy clothes, sweat pants and a t-shirt and so close I could see the goosebumps that dressed his arms.

"I... Marcus told you about Emilio, right?"

I hesitated but nodded, figuring there was no sense in hiding the fact that I somewhat knew about Emilio.

"He was... my best friend, my support, and my love all at once. We had connected since the first time we spoke." He chuckled. "He was a bad influence on me but he got me to open up and taught me to express myself. He had come to the high school as a new student at the school I was going to. I never thought some like him could have wanted to be my friend. We spent time together and ended up telling each other our... deepest secrets." He looked down at his hands.

If he's going to say what I think he's going to say, it wasn't his fault but this makes it obvious that he thinks it is. I took in a breath. "You were engaged right?" I questioned. He looked at me, sighed then nodded. "Yeah... we started dating senior year, no one knew they all just thought we were best friends even though we would get teased. It was weird to me but Emilio helped me with my feelings. I've only ever dated girls that my father pick out from other wealthy family's. They only ever last a day or two... anyway I asked him to marry me a few years later and he said yes. My father witnessed this and didn't like the idea I asked a guy to marry me. He thought it was just a phase but..."

"You loved him."

"Sí... I did so much, but the next thing I knew I was attending Emilio's funeral. I paid for it without my fathers knowledge, his family didn't even show up." His fist were clenched. That's when I understood some of his anger, all that he's been through plus his father trying to control him.

"My father handed me a tape two days after..."

My heart fell into the deepest part of my stomach and I swallowed.

"Emilio..." he sighed. "Emilio.... He was yelling for me and I couldn't do anything. I didn't hear him. I couldn't protect him...o." There were crescent moon shaped in the palms of his hands from his nails digging into them as he stared at the wall. "Do you understand why I can't..."