"Being Ben's"

40. Not so sure

"Felix, woah woah. Hey, slow down." Sam caught me before I fell to the ground. I let her help me because my ankles and feet were numb for some reason and I was dizzy but I wanted to get to Ben as soon as possible. "Is he okay?" I asked looking at the doctor. He hesitated and my heart dropped for a second and then he nodded. "Let's just say he really really wants to see you." He rushed off back to Ben's room, his white coated flapping behind him.

I kept almost falling trying to follow him. Sam sighed. "Hey, how about a wheelchair?"

"I just need to see him, let him know I'm okay." I shook my head looking down. Sam guided my in the direction of a chair in the hallway. "Just one second, Felix. I don't want you hurting yourself."

"Fine, fine." I gave in mostly because she insisted but another part of me was hurting to much to walk the rest of the distance. Why had they put us so far away?

I watched Sam the whole time and urged her to walk faster in my mind. My legs were bouncing and thoughts were a train wreck.

Once in the wheelchair I found myself leaning forward as if it would make Sam walk faster.

I get she couldn't go as fast as I wanted her to go because of cautions but I think she could've gone a smidge faster.

"ESTOY TRANQUILÓ! Don't. Tell me to calm down!" He said through clenched teeth. "You calm down! I need to see mi novio. Sal de mi camino!" I heard Ben's voice through the hallway before we even got close enough to see his doorway. I was itching to get up and run to him right then.

"Mr. Rivera, you are going to hurt yourself. Please, we'll get Felix in a minute."

"Felix you-." Sam said as I got up from the wheelchair when we reach the open door of Ben's hospital room.

"Don't touch m-... Felix." His voice lowered and his facial expression softened. I crashed against the side of his bed not being able to hold myself up right anymore. "I'm okay, Ben. I'm okay." My lips quivered and tears spilled out as soon as his large calloused hand touched my cheek. "I'm okay." I turned my face to his hand and kissed it gently. Ben sighed long and hard then leaned back seemingly out of breath. "Felix..." He squeezed my hand like making sure I was there, that I was real.

"Stay with me. Never leave my sight again." His grip on my hand was so tight, I couldn't leave if I wanted to. I wiped tears from off of his cheeks. "I will, I'm here." I was beaming ever since he first said my name but now I smiled softly as my mind and body calmed down.

I didn't have to worry he was right here.

He mumbled something with his eyes closed, he must've tired himself out. I watched the nurse clean up a little blood and check his bandages and such. "What?" I asked softly.

"I love you, Felix." He brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed it.

"I love you too, Ben."

The nurse finished and nodded at me before she left the room. I looked at Sam who pushed the wheelchair closer to me and left with the other nurse. He looked at me with those stormy ocean blue eyes. "I was afraid you died."

"I thought you did."

There was a silence with thing we didn't want to talk about hanging in the air.

"Are you okay?" I finally asked. He was staring at the wall across he room now and nodded. "Just... a minor headache." He looked back to me. He was quiet for a while then he said, "Actually I feel like absolute shit."

I chuckled a bit.

He smiled then scooted his body all the way to the right side of his bed and patted the empty space next to him. "Sit, please."