"Being Ben's"

24. Coming

I opened the door to the bathroom and got steam poured out into Ben's room. I looked at him sitting on the bed, he looked unhappy. Almost disgusted. "Are you... okay?" I asked my voice croaking like a frog. I turned and caught sight of a mirror and how I looked with all the marks from him on my neck.

Please don't be regretting what we did.

I shivered then realized he did not answer me. "Be-."

"Don't tell anyone." He grabbed my neck tightly, looking into my eyes. I gulped in fear, his eyes were dark. Darker then I've ever seen them before, filled with malice. "I-." I tried but couldn't breath. I was gasping for air and the corners of my sight were going dark.

"Ben!"

I sat up, coughing, my heart racing with fear.

"Ouch..." I heard next to me and looked at wear my hand had hit when I slammed it down against something hard. I clutched it to my chest. "Sorry." I muttered and turned away laying back down. He put his head against my back and wrapped his arms around my waist. "A bad dream?" He said it more as a statement then as a question but I didn't reply only nodded. "Felix?" His chin was now on my shoulder.

"Sorry... yeah... I- I'm fine now." I spoke softly, staring at the blank wall. I noticed it was still dark with the night or early morning so I tried to settle into his warmth and go back to sleep.

Eventually I did and I didn't have another nightmare or even have a dream and I was glad.

"Good morning." He said gruffly. I took a quiet deep breath in before responding. "Morning..." I sighed. I had turned towards him in the time that had pasted since I was asleep so there was no hiding my emotions that I thought were not so obvious but...

"What's the matter?" He asked eyebrows furrowed. I shook my head then turned onto my back. He reached I hand out to me but I flinched away. His hand froze in an awkward way that looked like it was one that someone would have used as a model in one of those old paintings. "You're nightmare?"

"It's nothing..."

"It doesn't seem like nothing if you're acting like this."

I turned with a sigh and looked at him. "It... was about you." I looked down, bit my lip before continuing. "You... regretted what we did and... you hurt me." My voice got quieter. His expression didn't change from serious then he sighed deeply. "I don't regret what we did and I'd never hurt you Felix."

"I know that... I'm sorry." I reached for his hand and placed it against my cheek. "All you ever done so far was to protect me and I appreciate that... even if it was a little harsh at first." My eyes narrowed playfully. He looked away and opened his mouth but nothing came out. I smiled awkwardly. "I just think... I'm still scared of what people will think and I-." I shrugged.

"Do you regret what we did?"

I looked at him and expected a chuckle or something to hint that he was joking, he was not.

"I- no, I don't." I shook my head. His hand left my cheek and found it's way to my waist. "Felix... I'm sorry for ever hurting you and I promise I won't ever do it again."

I knew he was talking about the slap and I could see he was very upset at himself for it. I cupped his face in my hands, feeling his strong jawline against my thumb pads. "I forgive you. I know you won't hurt me... it's just in that dream it felt like there was a different Ben. Your eyes were dark and your skin was cold." I shivered. He chuckled and pulled me by the hips closer to him. I wrapped my legs around his and smiled.

He smiled for a moment then his eyes dropped and his smile became sad.

"What's the matter?" I asked softly. He looked back up. "I need to know if you're serious about our relationship." His voice got serious and all morning grogginess drained from it. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Of course I am... I don't think I would've let you do what I let you do last night if I weren't."

"No I know but moving and being in this lifestyle were you have to hide isn't easy. You won't be able to contact anybody until I figure this out."

I looked away and thought about Felicity. I made an odd sound, a sad sound.

"I promise after it's figured out we can go anywhere and do anything you'd like but it's... dangerous." He said with sad looking eyes. I nodded. "I trust you and I want to be with you."

I sounded unsure of myself and I wasn't sure if he heard that or not.

He sighed and looked down again. "Lov-... being with someone like me, in a predicament like me is dangerous and if you come with me I'll do my best to protect you but anything could happen. If you'd like to leave and be the safest you could possibly be I understand."

I thought about it.

Going back to my family and making sure that Felicity will be okay would ease my anxiety through all of this. If my family would even take me back.

But that's why I left college to do something... different and while this was way outside of anyone's box I wanted this. I wanted to be with him and I wanted to protect him just as much as he protected me maybe even more after hearing his story of loss and more loss.

"I'll take the risk. I want to be with you. We can work through this. We'll protect each other. Love is worth the risk." I smiled softly. He stared unblinkingly for a moment. I don't think he expected my answer to be what it was.

"You..."

"I know it'll-."

"... love me?" He asked. My cheeks burned red. "I... well I didn't- love..." I bit down on my lower lip and looked away with an awkward laugh. He chuckled. "I'm teasing."

I rolled my eyes and hide my face with the blanket. "I..." I held my breath for a moment. "I do... love you."

His face turned serious and he raised an eyebrow then blinked a couple times in a row looking away. "I..." he shook his head and for a moment I felt my heart sink. "I didn't think I could love again after Emilio. I didn't think I could love anyone more than Emilio but fact is I do and I did."

"Marc."

"Yeah..." He nodded. "And you...you are different. A different kind of love. It's... weird but I've been accepting it more and more. I guess... you could tell that though."

I laughed and nodded. "I could." I shrugged. "I don't think I ever loved my ex, my girlfriend. I think I was forcing myself to try and feel something but this feels different than being with her. It's feels like a pure feeling, like this is how it's supposed to be."

He smiled softly and we laid there in bed sharing our warmth for a couple more minutes then he kissed me deeply but not long and threw the blankets off of himself. He got up and picked his pants up off the floor. "I've got to do some work... also make Marcus breakfast before school."

I sat up, threw the blankets off of my legs and yawned. "Yeah, I guess I could get my day started too."

"Yea-..." Ben's one eyebrow raised in question looking at me, particularly my legs. I looked down and saw a light bruise starting to form. I pressed my legs together and looked at him. "That's... not from me, is it?"

He knew it wasn't.

I folded my lips in. "Um... I'm fine Ben really." The bruise I hadn't recognized myself until just now was from Valentino when he was grabbing me angrily. Ben's hands were clenched to fist. "I'm going to murder him just-."

"Hey, look at me. I'm fine. It's just a tiny bruise alright plus.... Yours are more noticeable." I looked past him to a mirror, placing a finger against my purpling neck littered with hickeys. Ben's shifted his jaw and sighed. "Fine... it's fine." He was telling himself more then he was telling me. I moved to the end of the bed and looked up at him. "Yes it is. I'm okay, you're okay so it's okay."

He reached his hand out and touched a finger to my neck, softly drifting his fingers up, down and around. "You look beautiful with my marks on your skin." His voice turned deep and seductive. I blushed and pushed him gently. "Br- breakfast." I reminded him.

He smirked and went to pick up his shirt. "Right... breakfast then work."

Work stupid work.