"Being Ben's"

39. Birth givers

"There on their way."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Wh- huh?" It surprised me that they agreed to see me that quick. That maybe they forgot about our last occurrence that soon or maybe because I could've died. Then again they could be only coming here to scold me again or take me away from Ben.

"Hey, hey." Sam came over to my side. "Are you sure you want to see them?"

I blew a slow unsteady breath out. "They're my parents and I'm twenty three... I can... handle it." I said trying and failing to convince myself that I had this. Sam smiled thoughtfully. "I'll unofficially adopted you."

I looked to her.

She chuckled. "I like you Felix, you remind me of someone that was very dear to me. I got your back, you can lean on me."

I smiled and sighed. "I appreciate it, Sam. Thank you."

She nodded.

Sam and I got to talking. We talked about Hawaii before... well you know and we talked about the sister. We talked about how mine and Ben's relationship wasn't idea, at first and how I got sick and he apologized by taking care of me.

I tried to avoid talking about certain people and certain events but I think Sam understood.

"Ben sounds like a very nice person." She said, now sitting in the chair next to the bed. I beamed, nodding. "Very."

"And it sounds like you two care about each other a lot."

I nodded and opened my mouth to say something but a knock at the door cut me off. I almost forgot my parents were coming. Sam looked at me to double check, or triple check if this was what I wanted.

I sighed exhaling exaggeratively long (sorts kinda maybe definitely stalling) then I nodded, I stared at my hands as I listened to the door opening.

"We don't know i-..." My mother was saying something before the door opened. "Oh my god..." She said. I almost didn't hear it and couldn't decipher if it was a good or bad 'oh my god'. I sucked in a breath and looked up, clutching my blankets in my hands. "Mom... Dad." I said softly.

"Felix..." She was practically staring at me. "What happe-?"

"Please remember what we talked about over the phone." Sam interjected, not trying to be rude or anything. I was thankful for it.

My father scoffed. "Why are you still here? Don't you have other patients? Why don't you leave so we can talk to ou- Felix with some privacy." He said rudely. My thoughts were stuck on the way he almost said 'our son' that I couldn't think of anything back to defend Sam.

"You're son." She said pointedly. "Asked me to-."

"Well I'm asking you too leave. I don't think he's in any position to make decisions for himself." He crossed his arms and stuck up his nose. I started to say something the same timeSam did.

"Mrs.-

"Sam-."

Sam looked at me and her facial expression softened. I nodded. "It's okay, you can go." Now that I was reminded that she had other patients to take care off, I felt bad and wanted her to not lose her job over me. She looked like she was about to say something but she closed her mouth and sighed.

My parents watched her leave out the door and turned to me. I shivered but not because it was freezing in here because it absolutely was but because of the daunting future. "Are you still dating..." My mom looked glanced at my dad. "that guy."

My father scoffed.

"Ben?... yes." I scratched the back of my neck.

"What happened to you, Felix?" He stepped further into the room, away from the door. I shifted uncomfortably. "I... I don't want to talk about." I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment then held back a sigh.

So much for whatever Sam spoke to them about over the phone.

"Speak up and stop muttering, no one can understand you when you talk like that." My father sneered. My mother stepped forward closer to my bed, she looked like wanted to hold my hand, considered it. "You can talk to us."

That's the thing I'm not sure if I can for multiple reasons.

"I asked...for my parents." I looked at both of them. "Not some dumb life coaches."

"Dumb? You really wanna talk about being dumb, Felix?" Dad asked. "You're the one who got hurt because of a boy." He said the word boy like he had a mouthful of vinegar. I set my jaw. "It wasn't his fault." My voice got dark and my hands got shaky. "Maybe it was my fault, maybe I got him hurt." I closed my eyes looking away. "Everyone's blaming him. It's not his fault." I repeated.

"I don't think it's your fault, Felix. I-." She actually reached for my hand this time but I snatched it away. "Whose side are you on?" I asked, glaring at her.

I felt my wrist being grabbed and harshly. "Don't speak to your mother like that!" My father yelled. I glared at him through tears in my eyes. I got a flashback memory thing and my lips started trembling. "Get out." I said softly at first. "Get out!"

I felt something like fear take over my body as I started shaking uncontrollably. I felt like I would be stuck in this, never finding my way out.

The door opened and there was a bunch of yelling and cursing. I curled up, placing my head in my hands and curling my knees to my chest. I tried to wipe the tears away and calm my breathing but I didn't know how, it hurt.

I didn't know you could hurt physically when your feeling emotional like this, I hated it, it was awful.

"Hey, hey, hey." Sam rubbed my back. I noticed all the extra nose was gone and my parents weren't in the room or even in sight with the door flung wide open. "Look at me. Look at me, Felix."

I looked at her.

"Can you touch each of your fingertips to your thumb but skip your ring finger?" She showed me and did it without looking at her own hand. I looked down and started to touch each fingertip to my thumb, skipping my ring finger. It was hard at first then after a while I could focus and I was doing it pretty fast.

"Better?"

I folded my fingers over my palm and set my hand down. "Yeah..." I sighed. Sam smiled softly. "I'm so sorry, Felix."

"It's okay, I should've seen it coming. They can't speak to me with out a single speck of judgement. It was stupid to wanna see them." I felt a lump in my throat and the urge to shed more tears but I ignored it. Sam shook her head. "No, Felix. It wasn't stupid, you want support in times like these but you just need the right people."

I sighed but nodded. I understood what she was saying.

"Hey..." She said letting out a breath. "Remember when I told you, you remind me of someone."

I looked at her and nodded.

"You remind me of my own son." She smiled.

Was your son a miserable wreck? I thought, looking down to the blanket.

"He's not here anymore."

I looked at her suddenly feeling bad about thinking what I did. "What... happened?" I knew I didn't have to ask, she was goin to tell me anyway but looking at her she wanted a reaction out of me.

Well, she got it.

"I don't know." She shrugged, smiling. I narrowed my eyes at her. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

Sam sighed and smiled, looking up to the ceiling like she was remembering him. "He went MIA, fighting for our country. I'd like to think he's still out there but... I don't know. Anything could've happened."

I looked down.

She touched my hand gently. "Felix... I know you don't feel it and I know your self worth is not the best right now but you deserve to be happy. You are a good person and you care deeply about the ones you love. We all go through rough patches... some rougher then others but we make it through them and your lucky because you have Ben to help."

I sucked in a breath, holding it for a couple of seconds then letting it go. I nodded. "Thank you, Sam. You've been a lot of help." I smiled softly.

"I-." She started to say sos thing but then their were hurried footsteps and a hurried, out of breath looking Dr. Grey at the door. "Ben's awake!" He said panting.

I almost jumped out of the bed.