"Being Ben's"

18. Real or Fake?

I had left the room but instead of Ben following me out it was my father. I tried to go back in but my dad had but a hand over the door handle before I could even think about it. "Felix. What are you doing with your life?" He questioned. I rolled my eyes, and crossed my arms. "I don't know... fucking living it. Without anybody to control me now, it's kind of easier."

He glared at me, crossing his arms as well. "Living it? Felix, you haven't spoken to anyone in months and you bring someone you just met with you on a trip from... I don't even know where."

Now, Ben's a stranger.

"You guys thought I was dead... possibly even kidnapped, yet nobody did a thing about it." I pursed my lips. He rolled his eyes, scoffing. "You're fine, aren't you? There was no reason to alert anyone, you're an adult... at least your supposed to be one anyway."

I shook my head, looking down at my feet twisting my heel into the ground. "You don't know-."

"It took you a month to get over Vanessa? What are you, a whore?"

I looked up at him, with eyebrows furrowed and eyes wide. "No, dad I..." I swallowed thickly. "I'm not... Felicity is-."

"I'm not talking about Felicity right now. I'm talking about you." He stared at me. I closed my eyes and sighed. "Why? Why is it always about me? Because Felicity is... is sick? So I have to be the perfect one? It doesn't make sense, all you do is pretend you care about me and then I go and do something wrong and all you do is lecture me about it. Why cant Fin be-?"

"Once again this is about you, not you're siblings, Felix."

I scoffed and looked at him, sneering. "No, it's not it's about you and want you want. Well guess what? I'm not yours anymore, you can't control me." I wiped a tear that had fallen but when that one was gone there was another to replace it. My father shook his head. "I don't get it, how'd I raise such an ungrateful brat like you. You're mother and I gave you everything you wanted."

"Except my freedom." I pushed the door open to grab Ben and run back out but Felicity saw me. "Felix?" She said, her eyes widening. "What happened?"

"I'm fine." I said wiping my eyes, grabbing for Ben but he moved his arm away, staring angrily at my father.

Please don't say or do anything. I thought as I looked up to him with pleading eyes.

"Don't come back...." I heard my father say behind me. I turned around and looked at him. "If all you're going to do is disappear and disappoint then I don't want to see you."

"Dad what?" Felicity said, there was some surprise in her voice in which I didn't know why because we all saw this coming in one way or another. I turned to her but didn't look at her. "I'll text you later." I said quietly. She moved to the end of the bed and reached for me, pulling me into a hug. "Felix...." She sighed.

Nothing needed to be said in that moment that lasted point zero seconds because we understood each other. She let go and I looked back to dad then nodded at her. I took in a deep breath. "Come on, we're leaving." I glanced at Ben, walking towards the door.

We were silent as we walked down the street, not knowing exactly where we were going but just moving in a direction any direction but backwards. I sobbed once then fell to the ground, feeling weak in my knees. The palms of my hands slapping against the pavement under me. "Why am I such a disappointment? Everything I do, isn't right." I sniffled. Ben pulled my arm up so that I stood but I leaned against him. "I- I can't-." I sobbed not being able to speak.

"Shhh." I hushed, putting a hand on my head. "Calm down." He said softly. I didn't realize my hand was in his until I squeezed it into a fist in his palm. "I suck at being a son and a brother... I suck at being a human being."

He pushed me upright and stood back, taking my jaw in his hand. "Stop saying that about yourself... right now you're my favorite human being, okay? You've done nothing bad, your not a a bad anything. Sometimes... fathers are controlling and get angry because you're not where they want you to be in life but that doesn't mean you suck."

I wiped my eye.

"Are you happy, Felix?" He asked. I looked away, shrugging. "Yeah... I mean other then that conversation with him I am."

"Then that's all that matters... you can't make everybody happy, you'll die trying... and quite frankly, I don't want you to die." He girp on my jaw turned to a hand on my cheek. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked down. "But... no one cares anymore. I don't talk to anyone or the people that I do talk to hate me."

He grabbed my arms and pulled me closer to him, kissing my lips. "I don't hate you." He said his eyes staring deeply into mine, which were wider then a full moon. His grips on my arms were really harsh, I'm sure there would be bruises on them but that's not what I was worried about. "Why?"

He sighed and put his head to my shoulder. "Felix... This isn't pretend anymore I like you, really like you and I don't know why but I don't think you're supposed to know why you like someone as much as I like you."

I blinked back into reality. "Do you get them too?" I asked. He stood up then looked up. "The butterflies?"

I nodded then he nodded. "Every time were inches apart, every time you smile or laugh or do the small things you don't even realize you do..." He paused. "I didn't think there could be anyone after... what happened but you proved me wrong Felix."

"Kiss me." I muttered.

"What?"

"Kiss me again." I looked up at him, grabbing the collar of his shirt. He took a step towards me and I fell back but there was a wall behind me, he pressed me up against it and kissed the hell out of me. He kissed me so deeply and passionately that I forgot we were in public, and when he pulled away we were both basically gasping for air. "Oblivious." He said, leaning his forehead against mine.

I chuckled, realizing what he meant last night.

I felt like everything was set in place, now that my feelings were sorted out. It's kind funny it took some "pretending" but I'm happy it happened.

The smile I had on my face faltered as I began to think about my conversation with my father. Ben's fingers comb through my hair on the side of my head, his palm rested on my cheek. "What's wrong, mi conejito?" He said softly. I sighed. "I want to see my sister... but I'm scared."

"He won't hurt you, not with me around, do you understand?"

I nodded.

"We'll figure out something... you'll see your sister again, don't worry. C'mon we have to back to Marcus."