Binding You To Me Like Cursive

Breaking Heart

Winter

I was floating. High off Bee. I showered and started dinner, in a blissful state that seemed like it would last forever. I played a Lorde album and swayed my hips to her voice.

"You look happy," Kaiden said as he entered the apartment. I kissed him chastely and finished dinner as he opened the balcony doors. I hummed and tasted the delicious food. When I turned I was faced with a furious version of Kaiden I didn't recognize, my worst fears came into focus and my stomach dropped. He held up a crumpled piece of paper. "You fucking love her? Jesus, what the fuck is this Winter?" He demanded, slamming the last note we exchanged on the counter.

"Where did you find that?" I choked out. He ran his hand down his face and the vein in his neck bulged.

"Are you fucking serious? I found it on the goddamn balcony under your chair. But that's not what I asked you. Have you been screwing her?" It was a punch to the gut. This wasn't how I wanted him to find out.

"I'm sorry," I cried, ashamed of myself.

"Oh my god, I was right all along. And now what? You guys are in love? How could you fucking lie to me!" He was raging mad and pacing.

"I'm sorry! I'm so fucking sorry I didn't want this. I didn't expect this." I sobbed. I made my way to him, wanting to calm him down but I knew it wouldn't happen.

"Get the fuck away from me!" I jumped, frightened because he'd never yelled at me like that. "You're fucking sick." I sunk to the floor as he went to the bedroom and I sobbed. I couldn't fix this. I couldn't go back in time and diminish my feelings for Phoebe. I knocked on the bedroom door. I just wanted to explain to him I didn't do it out of malice. 

"Please, Kaiden, talk to me." I pleaded through the door. It swung open, revealing him with a duffle bag slung over his bulky shoulders. "Don't go, not yet." In his eyes I could see his heart breaking and I hated myself for it.

"You'll answer my questions? No more lies?" I nodded.

"Yes. You deserve an explanation." I wiped my tears and sat down, knowing it's over for us but hoping there might be something to salvage. So we sat on the couch.

"When did this start?" He interrogated. I shifted uncomfortably.

"A month ago." His leg was bouncing and he kept raking his hand through his hair.

"Jesus, Winter. Why? Why do this and ruin what we have?" I peered into his eyes, reliving every perfect moment we'd had. I felt a sense of independence. For the first time in my life I felt empowered. I knew what I had to do, it was only a matter of getting through the pain.

"Kaiden, our relationship is seemingly perfect. On paper, we make the most sense. But Bee- excuse me- Phoebe, she makes me feel something I can't even form into words. I tried to fight it-," I breathed deeply, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Your parents. That's why we went?" His eyes were glossy and he was in so much pain. I'd did this to us and he'd never forgive me.

"I needed to get away, to think-," He nodded with sorrow.

"Yeah, I read the note." He sniffed and averted my eyes. "So you're in love with a girl. Our neighbor and you guys are screwing?" He just had to know that. Like it'd change anything. Tears fell and I nodded.

"Yes, Kaiden. I can't be apart from her." I grabbed a tissue and sobbed into it as he stood.

"You're fucking nuts picking a girl you've known a month over a man you've known for years." He scoffed. "Your parents are going to be so disappointed in you. I'll send for my things tomorrow." Then he was gone.