Binding You To Me Like Cursive

Moves

Winter

I shouldn't be this blissed.

I ruined Kaidens life and his happiness, and I couldn't be happier in Bee's arms, by her side. My cheeks hurt from smiling and I felt at peace with just the two of us in her apartment.

"I don't want you to go to work," I pouted as Monday circled around. I watched my girl get dressed and admired her swift gracefulness. Her long elegant legs, firm breasts, curvy butt, and beautiful raven hair that tumbled down her back. It made me hungry for her all over again. She peered at me with those blue entrancing eyes and smiled.

"I have a friend, she works with a children's group home. I can give her a call for you?" The reality of finally getting a job inspired me, I was excited and felt everything in my life would be different. Amazing. Better. Bee had known about my parents' and Kaidens' wishes for me to not work, she knew that the life I loved was a version of what would make everyone else happy. This was her, trying to make me happy. Which was different.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect." She kissed me, and my heart drummed against my ribs and butterflies fluttered around in my stomach. "I still don't want you to go." She looked good in a casual red form-fitting dress and matching heels. She wore a long silver necklace that had a shiny lock and key at the end and a stylish white watch. She looked at it.

"I know, Love, but I have to. Maybe. . ." Her voice trailed off and her eyebrows creased and ached up. She looked unsure of her next words. It was adorable I'd never seen her like this. Shy and nervous.

"What?" I queried. She dug her teeth into her full red stained lip and I pulled on her chin, freeing it. "You can tell me anything." I assured her.

"Maybe you would. . . I don't know, want to move some of your stuff over here?" She shook her head frantically, regretting saying anything. I was flattered, and I didn't see the point in not doing it. "Never mind, it's too soon." I stood, clasping her soft fingers in mine.

"Shh, I'd love to. Being 15 feet apart isn't even an option. I want to sleep right here," I hugged her torso and nibbled her chin. "In your arms." She cupped my chin, angling my head up.

"Good."

It was around 3 when there was a knock on my apartment door. I'd been transferring clothes from mine and Kaidens dresser to Bee's closet.

"Kaiden," he looked distraught, like he hadn't slept. His eyes had dark circles beneath them and his frown lines were deeply embedded in his face. He stalked past me.

"I'm just here to get my stuff, I'll be out quickly." He was agitated, almost frantic.

"Okay." We went to the room and he seen my folded clothes on the bed.

"What's this?" He questioned. I toyed with my hands. I hated confrontation. Not being able to be there for him was killing me, but that wasn't us anymore. I wanted to ease his pain but I'd been the one who'd caused it. I couldn't do anything.

"Nothing, laundry." I lied. He scoffed, and shook his head in bewilderment.

"I can't believe you! You're moving in with her already? Did we mean absolutely nothing to you? I'm in HELL, Winter! I can't eat! I can't sleep! And you're over here playing house?" Tears cascaded down my cheeks, burning my skin. I was suddenly angry. At myself, at him. At our relationship failing.

"I'm sorry! I guess I can't make everyone happy! I wish things were simpler, that they would've worked for us, but I can't help my feelings, Kaiden. Better find out now then going through with a wedding and finding out too late!" He pulled out his black suitcase and packed in a rush, shoving through the closet and dresser packing in a panic.

"You're unbelievable! A fucking liar! I took care of you and this is how you repay me?" I couldn't believe he threw that in my face. Everyone my entire life thought that's what I'd needed, to be taken care of, and it wasn't.

"I don't owe you anything, Kaiden! I didn't ask you to take care of me! I wanted to start a career and be independent and you despised the idea!" I wiped my tears, and leaned against the wall. There was a native painting above our bed I'd always loved and I almost touched it, but decided if he wanted it, he could have it. "I take ownership of cheating. I own up to my shit, it was wrong and terrible. But you need to take responsibility for your part in our failed relationship. I uprooted my life for your job, sacrificed my own job and career so you could pursue yours, and I sacrificed weeks without seeing you so you could further your success. I never complained once-"

"- If you were unhappy you should have left! Or we could have communicated! You didn't have to screw the next door neighbor and suddenly become some hippie freak lesbian!" He zipped his suitcase and rolled it out to the living room. My heart cracked at his insults, I couldn't believe he'd stoop so low.

"I wasn't unhappy, at least I didn't feel like it. I just couldn't be myself, you left no room in our relationship for me. I don't even know who I am when I'm with you!"

"Well I hope you figure it out, and don't come running back to me when your girlfriend gets tired of catering to you!" Then he stormed out of my life, gone forever. I spent the next hour packing anything he forgot. I was pissed but also felt so much guilt, I'd have to learn to live with it. Forgiving myself sooner or later.

The first thing I moved to Bees was my record player. She had her speaker but there was something historic about vinyl, the way it sounded live and raw got to me. Next to move were my endless collection of records. I pulled out my Bob Marley and The Wailers record and placed it on the plate after I moved everything I could find a place for. I cleaned and made Bee's bed with my favorite pink cover. Hers needed washing- or at least that's what I'd tell her.

I gazed at all of her posters and artful decor. She had edgy tastes that were kind of all over the place; Lana Del Rey, Pan!c At The Disco, The Wknd, Three Days Grace, Billie Eilish, and my favorite; Sabrina Claudio. I dimmed the lights after I cooked and lit some candles. Then I drew a bath with scalding hot water so by the time she was done with her food it'd still be warm enough for her to get in. The bubbles were her scent; vanilla and bean, and I imagined her in here laying peacefully.