RADICAL

test • bh

my shaking hands struggled to grasp the pregnancy test in my hand. i couldn't even believe that this moment was happening to me right now. i wished it wasn't.

negative. again.

i sighed, trying to hold back my tears before i went to face ben and give him the bad news. i think at this point, he expected the result, but we were both trying our hardest to be optimistic.

ben and i have been trying to have a baby for almost a year now. fairly soon after we got married, he randomly told me he wanted a baby like, right then. so we started trying, but never got the news we were hoping for.

i wiped the tears that had slipped out of my eyes, holding the test in my hand, my other shaky hand just barely getting the bathroom door open. ben was sitting at the edge of our bed, and when he heard the door open, he immediately set his phone down and sat up, rushing towards me.

"what is it, baby? are we gonna be parents?" he asked nervously. "not yet." i managed to get out, setting the test down on the desk and crawling into our bed. "oh babe, i'm so sorry." he told me quietly, rushing over to me. i felt for him, because i knew this hurt him just as much as it was hurting me. i hated that i was causing him to feel that way.

i rolled over to face away from ben, tears silently falling from my eyes. i just wanted to be left alone, but when ben wrapped his arms around me i didn't oblige. he laid his chest against my back, nuzzling his face into my neck as i cried. he rolled me over gently to face him, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"baby, i know it's so hard. trust me, it's killing me that we aren't able to have a baby. but we still have other options," he started and and i shook my head. "ben, i want them to be our babies." i told him and he smiled. "they will be our babies no matter who they come from. whether they come from you, we adopt, or get a surrogate. they will always be our babies, because we raised them and loved them. and that will never change." he told me proudly, causing me to tear up.

"you always know the right things to say. you're right, babe. i'm sorry, of course they will always be our babies, i shouldn't be so selfish. you're too good for me." i told him, looking down, causing timmy to immediately lift my chin up with his fingers.

"my love, i am not too good for you. if anything, you're too good for me. i am so lucky to have such a wonderful and loving person as my wife," he told my sweetly, kissing my forehead. i buried my face into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him.

he leaned down and whispered in my ear, "how about we try again, you know, just to make sure." he smirked, causing me to die of laughter.

"okay, but just to be sure." i told him fake seriously, causing him to smile and pull me into a kiss.

our kids will be so lucky to have such an amazing dad.

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surpriseeee
i'm back writing for this book again. this is kind of a filler chapter to see if anyone will interact with this! if not, the book will just be marked as complete and not updated again :)