Cigarettes & Kisses | P.JM 🔞 ✔️

15 | risk and revelations

Y/N'S POV

"You know this is going to get me in trouble, right?" I whispered, looking into Jimin's eyes as we laid in my bed facing each other.

His lips curved into a faint smile. "It's not my fault that you're so bad at bowling. Besides, I've already locked the door. I don't think Mrs. Lee is going to come looking for you at this hour."

"It's still a risk." I murmured, trying to shuffle away from him in order to move into a more comfortable position but Jimin immediately mirrored my actions, moving forward to engulf me in a hug again, his hand resting around my waist.

"I think taking a little bit of risk makes life interesting." He grinned. "And don't look at me like that. I only promised to not touch you intimately against your will. Better ask me to sleep on the couch if I'm not even going to be able to hold you while sleeping together."

"Whatever." I rolled my eyes, trying not to squeal out loud when he tightened his arm around my waist, pulling me nearer to entangle our legs together. "I'll let you have your way this one time since you won fair and square."

"I haven't won you fair and square though." He mumbled, blinking quietly as my eyes unbeknownst to me, caught onto his again.

"What do you mean?" I whispered calmly, watching his face closely as his expressions changed...from sad and desolate to utterly regretful and then to apologetic.

I had never seen him bring so many feelings to life all at once. It was the face of someone who had too much guilt stored inside and finally wanted to get rid of the emotional baggage that he had been carrying for years.

Even though, he spoke calmly, he was clearly not at ease and the turmoil shone through his glossy eyes as I lifted my hand to caress his jaw comfortingly.

"Would you hate me if you knew of the horribly selfish things I've done in the past?" He mumbled hoarsely, gripping my hand that rested on his cheek.

"Do you think you'd still have loved me if I wasn't the boy you fell in love with years ago? If I wasn't your best friend? If I was just a stranger who you'd never met before, an unfamiliar boy with an unfamiliar name, with whom you shared no childhood memories and no part of your life except for an occasional encounter at school?"

I swallowed. "It would have been difficult finding my way to you without the childhood memories connecting us...but I am sure that I'd still have fallen for you." I mumbled truthfully. "It would have been hard not to. Because even though you're the polar opposite of me, even though I still can't fully understand why you act the way you do, I still don't think I could ever like anybody else. I just can't. I don't know what it is about you either...and if this is about what happened at the fest today, you should stop dwelling over it." I flashed him a small watery smile, not knowing why I felt so emotional all of a sudden.

"You have no reason to be jealous now that you know how much I like you...I'm even letting you sleep in my bed. Do you know how much of a big deal it is?"

"But I still am, Y/N." Jimin whispered, sounding almost ashamed of himself. "I am still jealous. I have always been...extremely extremely possessive of you and sometimes that causes me to act really rashly."

There was a quiet pause, our breaths echoing in the silent room as I tried to wrap my head around the new bit of information.

"Is that why you broke Ryuwon's pencils in elementary school? Because you were afraid I'd be friends with him?" I gasped, remembering suddenly.

"I always wondered why you did that." I muttered quietly as Jimin sighed.

"Yes, I was afraid of losing my best friend to someone who had plenty of friends already." He admitted. "My five year old conscience innocently justified my actions thinking that I was simply protecting what was mine, like a child would protect his favourite toy. But now, the thing is...I am unable to justify my actions anymore. Because as protective as I still feel about you, I do know that I might be wrongly taking control of your life for you."