Cigarettes & Kisses | P.JM 🔞 ✔️

11 | insecurity and impropriety

Y/N'S POV

"Innocent baby?" I echoed. "I know everything that I need to know, okay? Don't underestimate me just because I'm not as experienced as you."

"Oh yeah? How experienced are you then? Let me think," Jimin put on a fake thoughtful expression. "Your first, second, third and oh damn, even the fourth. Your kisses were all claimed by me, doll." He smirked, eyes shining with amusement. "To put it simply, I'm the only guy you've ever kissed." He mused, dark eyes fixed on my mouth.

"I doubt you've had another guy touch you like this." His thumb grazed across my lower lip as dark eyes flickered to mine, their searing intensity taking me aback.

"Fine!" I exclaimed unhappily, pushing his hand away. "I admit you have much more experience, and it's thanks to all those beauty queens you've dated. Happy? Now, let me go."

My words seemed to have struck a chord as Jimin went absolutely silent, his grip around my body tightening. He spoke nothing for a long heartbeat.

I gulped, my face heating up as my embarrassment suddenly weighed me down. I couldn't believe that I'd laid all my insecurities out in front of him with one stupid sentence.

I had to get off his lap now!

I looked down at Jimin's strong, muscular arm wrapped tightly around my waist, holding me securely onto his lap and resisted the urge to look at his face. Why wasn't he saying anything?

"There's only one queen in my life, Y/N." Jimin suddenly spoke up just as I began twisting to get out of his grasp. Stubbornly, his fingers dug into my waist, refusing to let me move even an inch.

"It doesn't matter how many girls I've been with in the past. I only want the one who's the sweetest and the most precious of them all." He emphasised.

I could feel his eyes on me but I dared not meet his gaze.

"And she's not just innocent but also jealous as fvck!" His breathy whisper made my nerves tingle as my cheeks reddened.

"I still wish I'd dated other boys too." I mumbled seriously, though feeling a bit grumpy.

Perhaps, I was being unnecessarily malefic, but I still couldn't help but feel extremely vengeful towards him even after listening to his  flattering confession.

"I wish you'd feel the same way as I do. At least once. And then, we'd be even." I mumbled, pouting stubbornly and fidgeting with my fingers. My eyes remained firmly downcast as defiantly avoided looking at Jimin's expressions which—from the way his body stiffened—I knew were going to be absolutely murderous.

But I didn't care in that moment. A small selfish part of me wanted him to feel like that; relished the prospect of him feeling those overwhelmingly powerful, all-consuming emotions of vulnerability and white-hot fury that made one's heart burn.

I wanted him to feel jealous and possessive, helpless at the possibility of losing me to someone else despite how much he hated the thought of it.

Truthfully, the thought of dating other guys scared me, because regardless of how things had played out between Jimin and I, sharing my intimacies with someone I barely knew did not sit well with me at all.

But neither did the thought of being a complete prude while Jimin, the boy I'd spent more than half my life loving secretly, had shared his body and his bed with countless other girls.

Beautiful girls who were much more experienced and therefore wilder, bolder and more passionate in bed than I could ever be.

And even though Jimin's sexual escapades were never really a secret or a source of unmanageable distress for me before, to have him admit to them in front of me so casually was a different story altogether. Especially now, when I was reluctantly but slowly beginning to acknowledge just how hurtful it had really been to watch him carelessly give himself to other girls.