With you - Sanders sides human! AU - Book 1

Chapter 37 (Virgil's POV)

I woke up at 6:30, as ussual. Today I sat in bed, thinking of all that had happened yesterday. I had broken in Janus's appartement, bursted up and started screaming, letting free emotions that I didn't even know that I had hidden, punched Janus in the face, got to Roman's house, bursted up for second time, and ran away home. Then I hid in my room for the rest of the afternoon, because I didn't want to talk to anyone. I had tried to go to the kitchen to grab a snack, but Patton didn't leave, so I went to bed with an empty stomach.

Gods, now that I stopped and thought about it, I had been terrible yesterday! I didn't have the right to act that way, to feel that way, since this whole situation had nothing to do with me. Had I been selfish? No, right? I didn't know what to think. Better if I just forgot everything, pretended it hadn't happened.

But that wouldn't work. I lived with Patton. I had dissapointed him. He had specifically told me not to do anything impulsive, to forget my pain, to act like a normal human being. But I hadn't. I had been stupid. I couldn't talk to Patton now. I couldn't see him now. It was going to go wrong. 

I got up and went to the kitchen. Sadly, Patton was there, as ussual, already dressed and ready for the day. Today he was sitting in the table, eating a cookie, and he had a cup with coffee next to the plate. He was wearing a blue polo shirt underneath a grey jacket, istead of having it arround his neck, as he normally wore it. It wasn't surprising, since it was finally starting to get cold. He had his glases next to him, on the table, and he was looking at his phone.

I tried to be quiet, to pass unoticed, but it was no use. The second that I gave a step out of my room, Patton lifted his head and saw me. We stared at eachother, without saying a thing. I should've apologiced, I should've said something, but I didn't. I didn't say a thing, and I pretended that I couldn't see my friend, because I was scared of confrontation.

As I got closer in my way to the kitchen, I noticed something. Patton's freckles... Weren't there? No... I looked more carefully, without being creepy, I didn't stare for more than five seconds, but I managed to notice something. Makeup. Patton was wearing foundation. He had done a poor job, since the colour that he had chosen was too pale for his skin. I was sure he had grabbed it from my makeup bag. He had aplied it solely in the part bellow his eyes, it looked very strange. 

Why on earth would he...? Oh, right. He was probably trying to hide bags under his eyes. I catched a glimpse of his coffee. It was dark, much darker than ussal. I didn't comment on it, and since Patton didn't have his glasses on he didn't notice the staring that much. I knew he was practically blind, his vision being even worse than Logan's. But one thing was clear. He hadn't slept last night. 

Why? Was it because of me...? Had our fight stopped him from getting rest? It hadn't been that bad. It wasn't, so serious, I hadn't been that mean, hadn't I? But still... No, no, it couldn't be. I couldn't had caused that. I was Patton's friend. If he had losen sleep, if it was my fault...

Now I was just scared of even saying goodmorning. Tired people have mood swings. How would the lack of sleep affect Patton? Would talking with him would make it worse?

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The rest of the day didn't go much better. I was even more anxious than ussual, flinching to the smallest noise, my heartbeat increasing rapidly if someone got to two meter proximity from me... I had left my anxiety pills in my room because I didn't thought I needed them that much anymore. Aparently, I hadn't improven as much as I thouht.

The closer lunch time got, the worse it was. I didn't want to talk to neither Patton or Roman. I was scared of the conversation. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know if they even wanted to be with me. They probably didn't.