Owned And Treasured ✔︎ [unedited]

Chapter 28

BLAME

CALVIN

“Is there really nothing left for me?” Diamond asked, suddenly.

“I donʼt know, Iʼm not sure.” I smiled at her. I was staring at the sky as I answer her.

“Why?” She asked again.

Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Hindi ko na siya kayang tignan dahil sa tanong niya. Simple lang naman iyon pero napakalaki ng epekto sa akin. “Remove the necklace please.”

“No way! You gave me this and I own it now.”

“Maybe the necklace I gave you is your own now but never my heart.” I replied without looking at her. “Please remove that. Give it back, so my feelings will fully disappear.”

“So you mean itʼs not fully disappeared.” papahinang tanong niya.

I stood up in front of her and said, “I wanted to forget my feelings, I wanted to hate you, to be mad at you and I wanted to forget you but I couldnʼt do it. I couldnʼt because Iʼve promised my self that when you remove that, Iʼll stop loving you but here you are, saying you wonʼt remove it.”

She hugged me tight. ʼYung yakap na masasabi mong na-miss niya ang isang tao. Ganoon ang naramdaman ko. I also missed her hugs and her kisses.

“Give up on me Crystal like how I gave up on you...”

I left her without a single piece of reason. If someone will ask me if Iʼm okay... Iʼm definitely not.

Paalis na ang nararamdaman ko pero bumalik siya sa akin na tila ba ay ayos lang ang lahat para sa kaniya. Sa akin hindi ayos ang lahat. Magulo ang mundo at parang gugulo kapag nagpatuloy kami sa usapan namin. Wala nang patutunguhan iyon kaya umalis na ako para umiwas.

Umuwi na lang ako sa bahay ko at sinubukang matulog pero kahit anong ipilit ko, ayaw talaga ng katawan ko. I was thinking of her. Ayaw ko na siyang masaktan ng dahil sa akin dahil kapag nasasaktan siya nasasaktan din ako.

Well, about the punishment I gave her, I think itʼs impossible to happen. How can I love my self when I canʼt accept my self? How can I love my self when Iʼm not cooperating on the punishment? And how can I do it without her?

“How can I teach you when I got the same situation of yours, not exactly but I think the feelingʼs mutual.”

Sheʼs selfless. I wanna be thankful at least I met her but I gotta be thankful for the things she gave me. She made my life colorful like a rainbow. And now sheʼs not here, itʼs freaking black and white.

“Hindi ko siguradong kaya ko pero pinapangako ko sa ʼyo  na gagawin ko ang lahat, mahalin mo lang ang sarili mo.”

She promised...

Those words... It hurts me so much. Inuna niya ako kaysa sa sarili niya and then Iʼm wasting it. I didnʼt change at all. Kung magbabago man ako paniguradong ʼdi magtatagal, babalik na naman ako sa dating ako. ʼYung walang pakialam sa paligid. ʼDi naman na ako dapat nilalapitan pa dahil wala naman akong nagagawa na makakatulong sa kaniya. Kung sa isang tao pa lang ay ʼdi ko na magawang makatulong, paano pa kaya kung sa marami?

I lost a friend... I lost her.

I lost her... I lost my self either.

— OBAS —

I havenʼt seen her three days in a row. Hindi ko siya nakikita sa academy. Not even once this week. Nagtataka lang din ako sa mga kapatid ko. Those 3 days, 2 of those ay present si Adrian and absent si Leonardo. I just donʼt know what happened to them. Iʼm so new to this.