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【𝓚𝔂𝓸𝓳𝓾𝓻𝓸】

↠Angst
↠Fem Reader

Word Count - 709
Apricity - Published 01/05/21

Apricity: The warmth of the sun in winter
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You wondered how life could be so mysterious, merely flourishing in such viridescent shapes and forms even if the bright light that maintained it all was stripped away. Well, maybe the sun hadn't exactly disappeared altogether, because even if it hid over the horizon at the end of each day it would return just as beautiful the next morning.

Your sun however would never return, vanished to the sands of time as mere ash and lost memories. You wondered how life could remain so shining and colorful even without the joy that brightened your days—for everything seemed to move on but you. For you, it felt like an endless, monochrome winter.

There was no pitiful rain to spare on that blinding summer evening, your mourning form hunched desperately over the family grave, as yet another poor soul had fallen to the soil of the earth. It seemed that even after those long years since, you could still smell the potent hazy incense and the damp blossoms. You wondered how could the gods take someone yet again from your innocent hands, because it seemed impossible for the shining man himself to give in to death.

But Kyojuro was dead, and there was nothing to be done to change that fact.

It made you wonder how someone so influential, so important could leave everything behind prematurely. But even as the seasons passed, the weather fading in and out with the wildlife around you, you still mulled over these consuming thoughts. It seemed impossible to comprehend. You were stuck in that frozen shell.

It seemed the glinting golden band clasped about your frail finger hadn't meant a thing to your intertwined fates. The bond seemed to snap like a feeble thread. The violent tyranny of passion and despair lulled you in such a trance—the grief never fleeing your soul but slowly withering to the forgotten ripples of your deepest consciousness.

Perhaps if you were to realize the everchanging nature of the seasons, you'd move along in this wheel of life as well, sweeping your mind with its strong current—albeit against your own will. Perhaps it was that actual fated winter morning that struck realization upon your soul, finally after years of desperation.

The hushed tones of his identical little brother fell deaf upon your ears that day, even if they were presented to you with intended comfort. It still brought a stinging pain to your heart and tears ghosting your lids, but it had become somewhat manageable over time. He sounded just like him after all.

The engawa was frigid beneath your touch, and even with the steaming tea cupped in your hands the warmth never soothed your pale skin. An unrelenting winter had finally ceased its blinding snowfalls, the freshly fallen flakes blanketed in tall peaks across the yard—untouched—pure. Perhaps the frosty haze would finally melt from your own daze.

And your lips couldn't dare inch up in anything more than a stern line, but there was something about the chilling feel of the ending winter that calmed the torrent sea in your mind. The world he had loved so much was still moving on without him, never once faltering in its beauty.

You wondered if you had been doing the same. Were you just as beautiful and pure as he once held you? Were you deserving of such a calming sight? Perhaps you'd never reach a conclusion for that daunting question of yours, but it didn't quite matter now—did it? The rebirth of seasons only taunted your poor lovesick heart further.

But sitting before this all, there was something about that ethereal sun far above, casting a gentle—ghosting warmth among you even as cold tears fell upon your cheeks. Oh how you wished he was here beside you like he had vowed to be.

The sun could only remind you of his burning passion for life—for himself and for you.

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Sorry for posting such a depressing drabble to start the year.
I had a sudden burst of inspiration and couldn't put this one down until it was completed.

This was rushed and bad.
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