✻|| 𝓡𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮 ||✶ - 鬼滅の刃

【𝓩𝓮𝓷𝓲𝓽𝓼𝓾】

↠Fluff
↠Angst
↠Fem Reader

Word Count - 4223
La douleur exquise - Published 08/18/20

La douleur exquise: The heart-wrenching pain of wanting the affection of someone unattainable.
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Crouched low against your knees in the empty training grounds of the Butterfly Estate, you panted heavily for your arms were heavy and your legs trembled weakly on your feet. Still clutching your sword tightly in calloused palms, your withered lungs struggled to inhale a shaky breath after your previous hours of training.

The sun had still yet to rise in the early hours of morning, but you were still working away to the brink of death—desperate to make yourself stronger. So the last weighty slash of your sword determined the end of your training for the morning, as your body could only collapse to the dirt.

Laying flat on your back, you gazed up at the fading stars from your supine position, admiring their twinkling beauty before they fled once again from the rising sun. Sparkling in your vision, the glittery tears that brimmed your eyes only warped the beautiful image even more so. They provided the only light source that dark morning, and the reality that you had exhausted yourself so quickly only added to the sickening shame that twisted in the pit of your stomach.

You were so weak.

This being the hundredth—or millionth time at the estate to recover from your countless injures, of course the number was exaggerated, but you always returned so frequently, that's what it had felt like. Even the young trio of girls that helped around knew you like the back of their hand, after all you practically spent most of your time there. Each mission was a death sentence.

You always wanted to become stronger, to defend yourself and to stop these frequent visits. Being the most popular patient at the estate really wasn't something to be commended for. But regardless of how long or how hard you had trained through the grueling days and nights, your efforts were futile.

Was it because you were a girl? Or maybe your body just wasn't fit to become a swordsmen? Either way, with hours upon hours of training you should've at least been able to return from a mission unscathed. You could understand if it was minor injuries, but it seemed as if you were bleeding heavily, or suffering from broken bones or dizzying concussions each and every time. Maybe it was a sign to give up.

But you wouldn't.

Despite it being a brash and dangerous decision to join the corps in the first place, you were so dedicated to become stronger no matter what it would cost you. No longer did you want to be so weak and useless like the younger version of yourself, which only weighed down your family and friends. You wanted the shame and humiliation to stop, and you would ultimately work towards it.

No one even supported your dream, for you approached Final Selection alone and nervous, and it was simply a miracle that you were one of the six children who had passed that year. It was just the motivation you needed to continue, for fate decided you were one of the many who had the will to survive and continue living, and you promised you'd continue with that dream with all your efforts.

Let's be honest though, that entrance exam had left you anxious and completely horrified for what was to come, but it didn't stop you. It seemed that the only thing that had control over your growth was your energy itself. Regardless, the flame in your heart never flickered once with it's will, and it seemed the others that cheered you on only encouraged your efforts.