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【𝓖𝓲𝔂𝓾𝓾 & 𝓢𝓪𝓷𝓮𝓶𝓲】

Requested by: Scarlet_chan1019

↠Hanahaki AU
↠Angst
↠Fluff
↠Gore warning
↠Fem Reader

Word Count - 5695
Redamancy - Published 09/04/20

Redamancy: The act of loving in return.
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Suppress it.

Hold it in.

Don't show any weakness.

You can't be seen like this.

That's what you constantly told yourself with each passing day. Chanting the encouraging phrases which only brought you closer to your inevitable demise. You had to remain strong, and show no signs of weakness—for you were a Hashira, one of the strongest swordsmen that was responsible for holding up the rest of the corps. You couldn't fall, you couldn't remain helpless. That would only instill fear and hopelessness in those below you.

But it only continued to constrict at your chest as you suppressed every longing throb of your heart as your pitiful gaze landed upon the man you had been so helplessly in love with. It was your duty to remain strong, even when your eyes threatened to well up with tears, or when your lungs quivered so harshly—desperate to release a withered cough stained with red, or when death called upon you to brand it's fateful mark deep into your soul.

It was truly pitiful, for your mind screamed to forget this silly little unrequited love of yours, to toss it far into your vast ocean of memories, to be forgotten under the mighty roll of a crashing wave. Only then would it foam along the sparkling sands of your consciousness, scattered into millions of unpieceable fragments to which you would never have to relive this excruciating pain. You were truly a fool to cling this long onto nothing.

It didn't matter if every ounce of you knew that it was the right decision to move on and forget, but it was easier said than done. After all, forgetting a man you had learned to love so desperately was one of the hardest things you had to do. Like a harmless child crush, you had fallen so easily for the Hashira who had ultimately saved your life, and maybe it was because you were so grateful of his heroic efforts, you had only come to see the man with a heart of gold.

Ironically, he was nothing like that in all honesty. You had come to the hopeless conclusion that fate had guided you along this strengthening path, as you too had eventually taken the vacant position of his success. Meeting the same man—who had inspired you years ago to follow in his own footsteps—at your own Hashira orientation felt just the same as the first day you had set eyes on him.

Never had you expected to see him yet again, but the immature hopes of yours had dreamed of each and every possible scenario if it were to happen. So luckily, your heart was prepared to reunite with the man you dedicated yourself to, and with a bold determination you took that fateful leap.

Unfortunately, meeting Sanemi for the second time was anything but your first dreamy encounter. He was cold, distant, strict. It wasn't the Sanemi you remembered, but that ultimately hadn't changed the way you thought about him. That was your undoing—as the Hashira who encased his heart with a wall of ice refused to become vulnerable to someone once again. You were painfully aware of the fact that Sanemi could only reject your next confessions out of fear, but that didn't stop you.

You should've stopped. Your mind was the first thing to send a red flag, but you so naïvely pushed it aside. The cold and strictly professional conversations that were shared amongst the both of you was the next sign of your undoing, but just like the first—you pushed it aside. Only when your lungs stung from the sharp pricks of growing thorns, did you attempt to listen.