Different

46.

The morning after Halloween, I wake up to the faint buzz of my alarm clock, cracking the delicate silence of the room. I quickly reach over and silence it, trying not to wake Jace. He's lying beside me, his breath slow and even, tangled in the blankets like a boy after a long day of playing pretend. So, yesterday really happened.

My stomach coils tight at the thought of Derek's dark shadow over Jace, of the things he's not saying. I want to press him, to tear down the walls he's built, but I promised myself I'd stay patient. It's one of the things I have to learn.

Before I can slip out of bed, a hand slides up to my waist. His arm wraps around me with a possessive, almost desperate tenderness, pulling me closer.

"Good morning," Jace mumbles against the back of my neck, his voice rough with sleep.

"Morning," I whisper back, my body tense. His touch is warm, familiar, but my heart pounds too hard, tangled in last night's uncertainties.

"Turn around," he murmurs.

I obey, rolling onto my side to face him, my left hand curling under my cheek to create space between us. His thumb brushes my face, tracing soft circles as if trying to soothe away the tension. I search his face for the haunted look from the night before, but his eyes have cleared.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, his voice low, almost afraid of the answer.

I hesitate, gathering my scattered thoughts. "I don't know. A lot."

"Talk to me, please," he pleads, his groggy voice making him sound younger than usual. Vulnerable.

I look down, ashamed of my fears. "I'd like to know what happened. But you already knew that."

"I'm sorry, Mila. I really am." His thumb pauses on my cheek, then moves again with a slow touch. "I wanted last night to prove you could trust me. I thought I could show you I'm not that guy anymore. But I just... messed it all up."

I close my eyes, breathing through the ache inside of me. "You said it wasn't your fault. And I believe you. It's just... the secrets make it hard to trust. That's all."

"I know." His voice is a soft rasp, honest and raw. "I'm not trying to make this harder. Everything I'm doing... I'm doing to protect you. Okay?"

My defenses waver. The sincerity in his words, the way he says it like it's the only thing that matters—it's almost enough to make me forget the shadows. 

"Can I ask you something?" I whisper, tracing patterns on his chest with my fingertips.

"Yeah." He stops touching my cheek and laces his fingers with mine.

"Did you... enjoy it? Last night?" I can't meet his eyes as I ask.

His breath hitches, a heavy sigh escaping his lips. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't. But I stopped using for a reason. I'm not going back there, Mila. I promise."

Relief crashes through me, but a trace of worry lingers. I nod again, the words catching in my throat.

"Come on, get ready. I'll take you to campus," he says, urging me gently. I push the covers off and sit up, but Jace catches my wrist, pulling me back onto the bed with a laugh. "You forgot something," he says, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

"What?" I ask, puzzled.

"This," he whispers, pulling me into a kiss that's slow and tender, erasing the heaviness of the past twenty-four hours.

I laugh softly, pulling away. "I really have to get going."

"Okay, okay," he chuckles, letting me go. But as I get up, he gives me a playful smack on my ass, making me squeal.

"Ouch!" I glare at him, rubbing the spot, but his cheeky grin makes me smile despite myself.

"Don't look at me like that—you know you liked it," he teases.

I roll my eyes and head into the bathroom, hiding my flushed face. He's right, of course, but I'd never admit it.

Before I step into the shower, I glance back over my shoulder. "Aren't you coming?" I ask innocently. Jace is out of bed and in the bathroom faster than I can take off his T-shirt.

The water is warm when we step in together, and his hands move gently, washing my hair like it's something precious. 

"Do you have class today?" I ask, tilting my head back under the water.

"Yeah, but I'm skipping," he says casually, pouring shampoo onto my head.

I fake a disapproving frown. "You always skip. How do you not fail?"

He smirks. "I'm smarter than I look. I'll pick you up after your seminars."

I smile despite myself. "I'm going home for the weekend," I say softly, a weight settling in my chest.

He stills for a moment, then nods. "Okay. I'll still pick you up and drive you."

"Are you sure?" I ask, surprised.

"Yeah. I'm sure."

After my classes, Jace is waiting outside, leaning against his car like he's been there forever. He kisses my cheek and grabs my backpack, slinging it over his shoulder like it's weightless.

"Ready to go, babe?" he asks, his voice low, and I can't help but blush at the eyes that follow us.

"Yeah," I say quietly. "Just have to grab my stuff from my dorm."

Ten minutes later, we're on the highway, the hum of the car lulling me into silence. His hand rests on my thigh, warm and steady.

"How was your day?" I ask, tracing circles on his skin.

"Good. Gym, nap, nothing much," he says with a glance. "How about you?"

I hesitate, staring out the window. "Good. But... can I be honest with you?"

"Always."

"I'm anxious about being home. After last time," I admit.

He squeezes my leg gently. "I know. But I promise you, nothing's going to happen. I'll show you this time. Whatever it takes."

I swallow hard. "I don't know how you can."

"We'll figure it out. Together," he says as we pull up to my house. I let out a long sigh, unbuckling my seatbelt. "Hey," Jace says softly. "I'm not asking you to just start trusting me again. But I still give you my word. I don't want anyone else, Mila."

I bite my lip, my heart feeling fragile. "What are you doing?" I ask, as he grabs my bag.

"I'm coming in. Saying hi to your mom," he says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. I blink at him, stunned, as he opens my door and holds out his hand. "Come on," he says. "Let's do this right."

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Lots of love x