Different

85.

Nine months. That's how long it took me to meet the love of my life, give my all to him, and then have my heart broken by him. Not because he cheated on me, or because he doesn't love me anymore. He lied to me. And somehow, that feels worse than all of those things.

Murderer. The word kept replaying in my mind over and over again last night. I was barely able to get any sleep, the same questions swirling through my head. How did he do it? Why did he do it? When did he do it?

I think of Jace, his behaviour, his actions, his sweet gestures towards me. How on earth can someone like him take another person's life? Jace never denied what Derek said. The only logic reason is that it's true. I slept in the same bed as a murderer. And even though I shouldn't, I'm worried about him. About how he's feeling after last night.

At four in the morning, Jace stopped trying to reach me. He must've finally understood that I need time to think. How could I talk to him about something that I can't even understand - that I don't want to understand right now? I can't know the answers to the questions I have. I'm not ready.

When I wake up the next morning, my body feels like it hasn't recharged overnight. I still feel tired and restless. The bed is empty, Bree must be up already. I drag my body into a sitting position, and decide to get out of my best friends and Austin's hair. Walking out of the bedroom, the first thing I notice is the empty couch. It looks like it hasn't even been slept on.

Bree's preparing breakfast in the kitchen when I arrive. "Good morning" she says gently, embracing me in a quick hug. I'm sure she notices the bags under my eyes right away. "Are you hungry?" she asks me.

I shake my head no, and she gives me a smile with empathy. "I figured."

"I'm guessing Austin is with... him?" I ask with a crack in my voice.

Bree nods her head at me. "Yeah, he left late last night" she answers, pulling me towards the couch so we can sit. She places a coffee in front of me.

"It's decaf, with oat milk. Although you really look like you could use a real one" she says, half-smiling at me.

I love her for thinking of the fact that I can't drink caffeine. "Thank you, Bree" I say, taking a sip.

We're quiet for a few seconds, both deep in thought. "What are you going to do?" she asks me gently.

I've had enough time to think about it her questions, since I haven't slept. "I'm heading back to my mom's. The new semester doesn't start for another two months, it'll give me some space" I say determined.

"That sounds like a good idea" Bree answers with a comforting hand on my knee.

"Did Austin tell you what happened?" I ask her, a little curious.

My best friend shakes her head no. "He won't tell me anything. Also, I'm not sure I want to know."

"Yeah, me too" I reply, before taking another sip of my coffee. We're quiet for a few more seconds, and I think I'm ready to go and leave this little bubble I was living in behind. A tear slips out of my eye before I can stop it from doing so.

"Oh hun" Bree says with empathy, embracing me in another hug.

"It just hurts. How could I be so wrong about a person I thought I knew?" I say through my tears, with shaking hands. I think my whole body's shaking, it seems like it hasn't stopped since last night.

Bree takes a big breath, like she had something to say this whole time. "Mila, I know this is tough, but I really think you should hear him out. You two together are seriously out of this world. You're so different from each other, but I've never seen two people complete each other as much as the two of you. I don't want to put pressure on you, but I needed to say it. That boy would take a bullet for you" Bree says out of nowhere.

Her words bring another few tears to my eyes, and I let them fall down my face. "I know, that's the worst part. We weren't perfect, but I loved what he had, I really did" I say with sorrow in my heart. With another sigh, I try to put myself back together again. "Thank you for everything, Bree. I just need to go home and give it some time" I say, getting up from the kitchen chair I was sitting on.

I say my goodbyes, for now. To Bree, to Seattle, to this different life that I've been living here. The life that has changed everything for me. It showed me a great amount of love, but pain at the same time. Both of which aren't unfamiliar feelings to me.

Living with a panic disorder has always brought me pain in my heart. Despite what one might believe after Jace's and my story, love has always been greater than the pain in the life that I've lived here. Up until now.

When I arrive back home, I'm glad that my mom doesn't ask me any questions. I think in a way she knows that something terrible must've happened between Jace and I. If only she knew the real reason.

I took the train home. I wasn't even able to worry about the ride for one second. My mind is too full, no other thought could possibly fit into it right now. Then why do I still feel so empty?

I didn't have the time to go back to the apartment to grab any of my stuff, too scared that Jace would be there. The one person I used to love to see, I grew to avoid in the matter of twelve hours. Mom assures me that we'll go to the store to grab everything I need this afternoon. Right after, I go up to the room that I grew up in, left alone with my thoughts.

The thing that hurts me the most, is that Jace felt like he couldn't tell me about his past all along. He avoided every question about it the best he could. Understandable, thinking of the circumstances. I guess I just wanted to be important enough to him, for him to think he could trust me with it. Of course I would've been just as shocked, but at least I would've heard it from him. Not from Derek. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about him. Will I ever be able to?

I love Jace, I still do. For some reason, I think I always will, and it breaks my heart to know that what we had is gone. No matter what happened, we will never be able to go back to who we were. I don't even want to think about what's going to happen between the two of us. My inner voice is screaming at me. It says "I told you so", but I try to ignore it as good as possible.

After all that happened, I still regret nothing. All I know is that I miss him, that I want him. But can I look past what happened? Will I ever be able to forgive him? Only time will tell.

At the beginning of Jace and my story, I was convinced that we were complete opposites. Don't get me wrong, we still are. Two different backgrounds, two different lifestyles, two different takes and views on life. Two humans, who accept the person they love for exactly who they are, no exceptions.

The more that I think about us, the more I realise that maybe we're not so different after all. Two people that are different, wouldn't that make us the same?

____________________

That's it, guys. That's the end of Different :)

I can't believe that we've made it this far. Thank you for every single one who read the story and who stuck with it until the end.

And yes - there will be a sequel. Sooner than later :) make sure to follow me, so you won't miss it!

Thank you.

Sophie