Different

11.

Last night was awful. My brain wouldn't stop replaying the events from yesterday. All I was able to think about is him. His eyes, his lips, his touch. And his sudden disappearance, of course. I feel tired but wide awake at the same time, which is clearly visible on the bags under my eyes. Bree never showed up, I guess she stayed at Austin's again. It only added to my anxiety. The fact that classes are starting today doesn't help. When I wake up, my heart starts to race once I realize that I'll have to sit in classes for six hours today. I get up from bed, thinking about last night one more time, before I shake the thought out of my head and go take a quick shower. 

The shower room is really busy this time of day, but I quickly spot an empty cabin and get ready as fast as I can. I put on my nicest light blue jeans with my favorite white sweater that has extra long sleeves for extra comfort. I add a dark jacket and white Sambas since it's not too cold this time of year yet. I put a few little curls in my usually straight, middle long hair. Finally, I grab my backpack containing my tablet as well as water and a few snacks, and then I'm ready to go. 

My first class starts at eight, so I leave my dorm room at 7:40 am, giving me enough time to grab a coffee first. Still no word of Bree. Maybe I'll see her in some of my classes. I really hope she doesn't miss her first day. It's important to show up so you get admitted to the class. With one last big breath, I lock the door and make my way to the café. I see a lot of first semesters, like me, wandering around and trying to figure out where to go. I'm happy that I took one day to explore, so now I don't have to be as helpless as they are. I smile to myself and grab the door to the coffee shop. Thinking positive is my kind of vibe for today. The café isn't too busy, but there is a small a line. With the social anxiety I have, I wait my turn and feel awkward just by standing here, so I spend my time staring at my phone. After, I order my usual decaf vanilla latte. When I leave the café, I check my phone and see that it's 7:50 am. Perfect timing. I won't be early but I also won't be late. 

I quickly find my room and sit at the very back. It's always good to have an easy exit, in case I do need one. So, close to the door is perfect. I take everything I need out of my backpack and wait for the class to start. Looking around the room, I see all the other first semesters waiting patiently, just like me. At 7:59 am, Bree comes stumbling through the door. I'm as relieved as her when we see each other. 

"I wondered if you'd be in some of my classes" I say smiling at her. 

We barely have time to talk as the lecture starts, but Bree sits down next to me and smiles, giving me a side hug. I'm super happy, if Bree is here, maybe I can focus on the lecture instead of the fact that I have to sit here for one and a half hours. And so I do. The first lecture contains a lot of introduction to the course, so I take out my calendar to add important dates and make a few notes. Bree does the same. Time flies by quickly and after the lecture, we finally get to talk.

"So you're spending a lot of time at Austin's, huh?" I say, nudging her a little.

"Yeah" she answers and I can see her blush a little. "He's great" she adds and drifts off. "But tell me about you! How was the evening with Jace?" she asks, while my disappointment from last night starts to rise again.

"It started out pretty great" I sigh. "But after we..." I say, feeling uncomfortable to talk to her about this.

Bree notices right away and says "You can tell me."

"We kissed. For a little while" I finally tell her, earning a loud screech. "There's more, but not in a good way" I say, leaving Bree confused. "He got a text message and left, just like that. Right after it happened" I add as Bree's mood changes.

"What a dick! Did he have a good excuse at least?" she asks, resting her hands on her hips.

I shake my head no. "He didn't tell me anything, he just said he needed to go. It kind of made me feel like I'm just one of his little hooks ups that he can leave once the fun is over" I say crossing my arms and looking to the floor.

"I'm so sorry Mila, he's a jerk for behaving that way" Bree answers. "But I genuinely think he didn't mean it like that" she adds and I shrug my shoulders.

"It's not like we're dating or anything, so... it's not really my right to be angry. I am though, a little at least. I guess I would've just liked it if he stayed, or if we had at least talked about it" I say, rambling at this point.

"Sounds like you're really confused" Bree points out.

"Yeah. Maybe he changed his mind and got bored" I tell her.

Bree stops to give me a hug. "Don't be disappointed. Whatever you guys have is still pretty new, you should just wait and see what happens" she smiles at me.

I hug her back thankful for her words, as we walk to our next classes. "I will, thank you" I answer.

Thankfully, the rest of my day is pretty unspectacular. I finish all of my classes and feel encouraged when I get through them without much anxiety. I'm way too focused on writing down all of the important exam dates, and I also spend a little time thinking about Jace. Who else. I know I'm not in the position to be jealous or angry, but I am. It seemed like he got bored last night and went to see someone else to actually hook up. My overthinking gets the worst of me sometimes. My mind is clouded, as the hunger in me rises. I really want to get something to eat to get my mind off of things. It's early dinner time, so I walk over campus, trying to find something that I have an appetite for. It's already starting to get a little dark this time of day here in Seattle and for some reason it gives me a comforting feeling, like I don't have to do anything productive with the rest of my day.

I visit the café from earlier, since I heard they have really good food. On my way back to my dorm, I can't help but wonder when I'll see Jace again. I haven't heard from him today, and I don't expect to. It sucks, especially because I really want to see him. I long for the feeling he gave me last night, right before leaving me in my room.

Happy to be almost home, I walk around the last corner before reaching the dorm. Unexpectedly, I hear a voice that sounds too familiar. Looking up, I stop in my tracks right away. Jace? What on earth is he doing here? Did he come to see me after all? I look again and notice that he's not alone. There is another guy there that he is talking to. I really don't want to run into him right now, so I wait a little to see which way they're going next, so I can take the other. I hide myself behind the building wall,  but peek around the corner. Pathetic, I know. Weirdly enough, there is no one here but the three of us. Jace and the guy are talking, as they quickly shake hands. Everything looks normal until Jace reaches into his pocket and, once again, awkwardly shakes the other guy's hand. His hand isn't empty though. When I look more closely, I see that it's holding a little plastic bag with something white inside. It takes me a while to connect the pieces in my head. The late night text messages, the secrecy, the little plastic bag. Drugs. He's selling drugs. My body turns weak right away. I feel like my legs are going to give up on me. The food I grabbed from the café drops to the floor and the sound is so loud that it draws all the attention on me. I feel numb as Jace looks directly into my eyes. His face doesn't show any sign of emotion. I break the stare as quickly as I can, grab my food and turn the other way without looking back. 

"Mila?" I can hear him shouting after me, but his words don't reach me. 

I just keep on moving, while it all strikes down on me. Jace is a drug dealer.  And now he knows that I know.

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How is Jace going to react?

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