[COMPLETED] Mila Wilson is quiet, anxious and a little bit of a mess. When she finally starts college despite her mental health issues, she meets the dark, mysterious, yet intriguing Jace Evans, who is covered in tattoos and the most beautiful boy s...
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The car ride to the mystery destination is silent. I have tried multiple times to make Jace tell me where we're going, but he refuses. My anxiety is getting the better of me, my leg is bouncing up and down and I can't stop it. My throat feels a little tight, but it's not too bad. Yet.
"Mila" Jace says, and puts his hand on my leg to make it stop moving. "Stop, you're making me crazy."
"Sorry, but it's your fault really. Just tell me where we're going" I say, trying one last time.
Suddenly the car stops, Jace has parked the car.
"See for yourself, we're here" he says, grinning at me from one ear to the other.
He points behind me out the car window, and I slowly turn around. I read the sign carefully. There it is, in bright red colors. Tattoo parlor. It all dawns on me. I told him that I have always wanted to get a tattoo, but was too scared to. My eyes go wide. No way he wants me to get one today. Before I can say anything, Jace already opens my car door from the outside.
"No way. You're kidding" I say, looking at him in disbelief.
He laughs at me.
"I'm not. You said you wanted one, so I got you the best artist there is, who does all of my tattoos too. He has a free slot now, only now" he says, and grabs my hand to pull me inside.
"I can't do this, Jace. Do you know what kind of a life decision this is?" I say with a little anger, stopping in my tracks.
"Life decision?" Jace laughs loud. "It's just a tattoo. At least have a look inside" he says and continues to pull me.
With every step, my legs go a little weaker and my hands start to shake slightly. Shit. Am I really going to do this?
"Hey man, how's it going?" Jace greets the man behind the counter.
"Good man, good" he answers as they shake hands.
"This is Mila, your client for today" Jace introduces me.
I can only bring out a little smile as I shake his hand too.
"First time, huh?" the guy asks me, laughing a little at my mixed emotions.
"Yeah" I say, a little uneasy.
"I'll give you guys some time to figure out what she wants, here are some examples" he says and is off, to see another client probably.
"I don't know about this" I say, as my throat gets tighter and tighter.
"Come on, just have a look and see what you like" he says, opening the book for me.
The truth is I know exactly what I want, but I don't know if I can get through with it. Thoughts are running through my head. This is going to be on you forever Mila. It's probably going to hurt a lot.You might faint because the pain is too much. My hand wanders towards my neck nervously, I already feel a few red spots forming from the pressure. My head starts spinning and I feel my stomach drop. Shit. This is it, another panic attack. I gasp for air suddenly, and my first thought is that I have to get the hell out of here. Jace looks at me like I'm crazy. I try to get some more air, through waving my hand in front of my face. Jace shouldn't see this. My thoughts wander back and forth from thinking about him, to dealing with my panic attack.
"Sorry, give me a second" I bring out, leaning forward slightly.
I feel like my legs are giving out on me and my vision is blurry. I pace towards the door and open it. The fresh air hits me, but next to the dizziness, the sickness is also kicking in. Arriving outside, I hold on to the wall and lean forward a little for some support. I'm still waving my hand in front of my face, because nothing else seems to help. That's exactly what I feel, helpless. This right here doesn't feel like just sickness or dizziness, it feels like my body is giving up on me any minute. It feels like an eternity, but just seconds after me, Jace comes storming out of the parlor.
"Fuck Mila, what the hell is going on?" he says loud and confused.
"Sorry, I..." I say, still not being able to breathe.
"Shit, do I have to call an ambulance? What the fuck is going on?" Jace says a little hysterical, not knowing what to do with me.
I shake my head, as the tears start to fall down my face. It feels like my heart is beating out of my chest.
"Can you just..." I start. "Hold me?" I say, feeling as stupid as ever.
"What?" Jace says confused, getting a little angry at me.
"Just do it, please" I say, knowing this is the only way the attack will stop.
He shakes his head a little, but does as I say. He wraps his arms around me, and my head falls into the crook of his neck. The people that are walking by are giving us strange looks, but I don't care. I try to calm my heartbeat by breathing in five seconds long and then breathing out for eight seconds. I also inhale Jace's scent, and I can't help but feel calmer again. We stand here for a while, and my breathing slowly returns to normal. I feel like my legs are getting stronger again. I put my hands on Jace's waist to push him away a little, signaling him that I feel better. The symptoms are still there, but now I can manage them again.
"Are you okay?" Jace says as he puts one hand on my chin, to look me in the eyes sternly.
I just nod because I can't bring out any words.
"Sit for a sec" he says and we sit on a bench in front of the tattoo shop. "Are you going to tell me what the fuck that was?" he asks, still looking at me intensely.
I don't look at Jace, I just look straight forward with an empty look on my face. The tears come rolling again. I feel weak. I always do after a panic attack.
"Mila, please" he says, catching my attention again.
I'm silent for a few seconds longer.
"I didn't want you to find out like this" I say, feeling sad and angry at the same time. "Or at all for that matter."
"Find out what, Mila? Just say it" he says, as he gets a little frustrated again.
Don't worry Jace, I'm just as frustrated with myself.
"It was a panic attack" I say, still not looking at him. "It hasn't been this bad in a long time, and I don't expect you to understand what's going on."
"But why are you crying?" Jace says, sounding genuinely interested.
I decide to tell him everything. How my panic and anxiety disorder started. How long it took to diagnose it. How I get panic attacks in the weirdest situations. What my symptoms are, how I can't drive the car or train by myself. What it feels like. Everything he should know about me.
"Shit" is what Jace says as I finish.
Telling him everything distracted me a little, and I almost feel back to normal again. Shit indeed, I agree with you Jace.
"This is what you meant with your secret?" he asks fully turning towards me. "Why didn't you want me to know?"
"It's not something I like sharing. People will just tell me to stop worrying. They just don't understand" I say cautiously. "I told you, I'm complicated" I add looking down to my knees, giving him a little half smile.
"I'm sorry for bringing you here. If I would have known, then... " he starts, but I interrupt him.
"You don't have to be sorry. It could have happened anywhere" I answer quickly.
We're quiet for a second. Jace is not saying a word, and I expect to happen what I feared the most. That once he knows, he is going to run for it. So I just say it.
"It's fine if you don't want to deal with any of this, you know?" I say quietly and look down to my feet. "I wouldn't judge you for it."
Once again, Jace is quiet. He turns to me and grabs my chin with his hand. He's giving me a sad look, with pain in his eyes and my heart starts to race when I think of the million ways this conversation could go.
