If Only

4

"Hey, Y/N"

"Hmm?"

"Do you have anything to do tomorrow?" Jennie asked Y/N who was busy doing her scale model for school. Jennie was at her dorm when she decided to facetime her friend. It has been a month since they saw each other and it was killing Jennie. Y/N was even surprised to see the caller id.

The day you left the hotel was the day things got awkward between you two. Although you never got the chance to talk about it, it still made you uncomfortable knowing you were both intoxicated when something like that happened.

"I'll probably just sleep all day. Why?" You tried your best to focus on your project but failed when you hear her sigh at the end of the line.

"The girls actually miss you. And Rosé keeps on asking me if you could visit us" Jennie sounded nervous but Y/N just shrugged it off.

"I miss them too. Tell them I'll go there tomorrow and I'll bring Jisoo's game and Rosé's favorite food."

"Yah! What about me?!" Lisa shouted behind the camera which earned a chuckle from Y/N.

"I'll just give you a hug, Lis"

"Eww, no. I'm hungryyyy, please give me food. Some foooood"

"Jeez, fine. But don't expect a hug from me tomorrow, Manoban"

"Can I hug you instead?" It was now Roseanne's turn to speak up. She appeared on the screen and you can't help but give her a toothy grin. She's just too cute.

"I'll give you all the hugs and kisses tomorrow, Rosie"

You didn't notice how Jennie's face fell the moment you said those words to Chaeyoung. She felt her heart being stabbed a thousand times and she's not sure if she can handle it anymore.

Jennie was never a fan of seeing you and Roseanne together. She knows that the younger girl has a crush on you and she wishes that she never introduced you to her. To say that she was jealous was an understatement. She was furious whenever Chaeyoung was clinging onto you. She barely shows her emotion but when she does clench her fists, Jisoo and Lisa were scared. Only Roseanne was left unbothered.

Jennie was inlove with you but she was a coward. Telling you about her feelings occurred to her mind a million times but it was too risky. She knew at the back of her mind that you were only just friends. She can still remember the morning she woke up naked without you by her side. It hurt her because she thought you regret it that's why she avoided you as much as possible.

"You are not spending your time with them tomorrow, Y/N" Jennie said in her authoritative tone. This was the first time you got scared of her and all you did was nod while the three girls bombarded Jennie with 'no! We have to see Y/n!', 'just let us see her Jendeuk!', 'you're so unfair unnie'.

Jennie left the other girls and then went to her room to talk to you alone.

"Are you okay, Nini?"

"I'm fine. I just miss you so much Y/N." Her eyes started to water and all you wanted was to kiss those tears away. She was upset for sure but you on the other hand, you can't stop smiling like an idiot. Your heart just couldn't stop beating so fast when you heard the words you wanted to hear.

"Then you'll have me all day Jen" her frown curled up and the butterflies in your stomach started to go wild again when you saw her famous gummy smile.

---

The door swung open and revealed Y/N who was wearing an oversized hoodie that stretches a few inches above the knee, a beanie and white sneakers. Jennie immediately engulfed her in a hug and Y/N just melted in her touch.

"So, these are for you" you extended your arm that has a paper bag and gave it to Jisoo who was standing behind your bestfriend, waiting to greet you.

"Don't eat all of those unnie. Those are for you, Rosie and Lisa"

"What about me? You didn't bring anything for me?" Jennie said while pouting.

"Yours is in the car. I'll give it to you later, okay?" she started nodding uncontrollably and you just had to fight the urge to squeeze her mandu cheeks.

"Y/N!" Rosé appeared from the kitchen and jumped on you. You almost lost your balance but held onto her legs and kept your stance. Good thing you were taller than her.

"Woah! I miss you too, Rosie" Roseanne snuggled her face at the crook of your neck and you feel your face go hot. No one has ever done that to you except Jennie. You heard someone clear her throat and you immediately let go of Chaeyoung.

"Come on, Y/N. We don't have much time" Jennie said while she dragged you away from the aussie girl.

---

You spent the entire day talking and all Jennie did was say the minimum sentence possible. It pissed you off because she was the one who invited you over but she doesn't seem to be as interested as you thought she'd be.

Your car is now parked in front of their dorm and none of you were speaking up. The silence was deafening and you couldn't help it anymore.

"What the hell's wrong Jennie? You invited me here and all you did was give me a cold shoulder."

She didn't give you an answer and you got frustrated even more.

"Damn it Jen!"

"I hate it when you're with Chaeyoung!" Jennie snapped and you were shocked because you have never seen this side of her.

"I hate how she touches you and make you laugh! I hate the way she looks at you!"

"-you have no idea how much it pisses me off when she makes you giggle in her mom jokes. I fucking hate how you look at her like she's your damn world."

"I thought you hated me because of what happened at the hotel. All I can remember was kissing you that night. My heart aches for you, Y/N. I just can't accept the thought of you l-loving someone else." Her voice cracked in the end. You noticed a tear roll down her cheek and you managed to wipe it off.

Hearing those words come out of her mouth made you speechless. It never occurred to you that she feels that way.

"When I woke up that day, I was scared because I took something sacred from you. I know the first time should be beautiful but I was so ashamed of myself that I can't even remember a thing. I'm so sorry Jennie, I tried so hard to remember that's why I locked myself in the bathroom. I know I've been hurting you and I am truly sorry. Hurting you was the last thing I would do."

"-Whenever you're preoccupied with something else, that's the time I'd look at you.

That's why you never notice the way I look at you, Jen. It was hard because everytime our eyes meet, I can't help but fall inlove harder. I was inlove with you since fifth grade, I just never admit it to myself too because I knew it was wrong. But, you made it so easy to love you Jennie. You're this selfless and amazing girl who always look out for me. You take care of me when I'm sick, you don't complain whenever I ask you to stop walking because I had to take a picture of something. You always save me from the principal whenever I get in trouble in school. How do I stop loving you when all you did was make my heart beat faster everytime you smile at me? I wanted to tell you how much I love you but I couldn't find the perfect timing until tonight."

It was now your turn to cry. You rarely cry in front of anyone. For you, crying is never an option, it made you feel weak and you don't want others to see you look so vulnerable. You've always wanted to be the stronger one.

"Y-you love me?"

"Yes Jennie, I do"

The air in your lungs were suddenly sucked out of you when you feel warm lips touch yours. Jennie was kissing you. You were kissing Jennie and you will definitely remember it this time. It felt so surreal and you have never been more happy in your life. The kiss was passionate and you can feel the emotions you never thought existed until now. You were definitely inlove and scared at the same time. Scared of hurting her along the way. Scared of losing the only girl you love in your entire life. But all those fears vanished when she said the words you never thought you'd hear.

"I love you more, Y/N"