˗ˏˋ romanogers oneshots ˎˊ˗

moments stopped

T/W: blood, death, suicide, gun, bullets, glass, car accidents

The restaurant was quiet, with indistinct conversations and the occasional clink of glasses. Natasha flipped through the fancy menu and bit her lip, her mind completely elsewhere. Over the past few years, she had desperately tried to set Steve up with someone, hoping one of them would manage to please him and be better to him than she ever could be. But he never did ask any one of those girls out. Natasha did like Steve, she thought that he was a good man but she would never be good enough for him. But when he had texted her, telling her to meet him somewhere fancy, all dolled up, with good news for her, everything changed. She had a little spark of hope that maybe he would feel the same way about her and they could balance on a precocious rope, full of twists and turns and heartbreak but maybe, just the smallest possibility make it work out. The thought made her smile. 

Steve slides into the seat opposite her a few minutes later. Small talk begins as the waiter brings around the  wine. Natasha takes a sip of the merlot and smiles as Steve's eyes dart frantically around the restaurant. 

"You're gonna be so proud of me, Nat." He begins with a smile. Natasha smiles back but raises her eyebrow. "I've found someone. And I'm happy with her. After all these years of you finding me a date, I've finally found someone. Thank you for letting me realize I needed someone. You don't have to set me up with anyone anymore because I've found someone." Steve grins at her like an innocent lost boy who just had all his dreams come through and Natasha's world stops. 

The glass of red wine slips out of her hand and shatters on the table, covered with white cloth. The redness of the wine seeps throughout the satin, staining it, like the red in her ledger, stained and gushing red. She feels her mascara run ; damn her for not wearing waterproof mascara on a day like this. She feels numb, emotionless. But then again, it was naïve of her to put her trust in someone again who would end up breaking her heart. First James, now Steve, she never learnt her lesson. Why would Steve even fall for her, an assassin, master spy, trained killer when he was perfect, righteous, Captain America for crying out loud. He was simply too perfect. She hoped his new lover would be better than she ever would be and she hoped that he was happy. 

Natasha takes one last glance at his beaming face before pushing her chair back and getting up, preparing to leave. Steve gets up but she's too quick for him and she's out of the restaurant before he can react. He runs out just in time to call out her name one last time and see her car zoom past. 

As she drives further off into the distance, all she feels is pain and red, like in the Red Room. Memories of her past comes flooding back in choppy, uneven waves as she presses harder onto the accelerator, pushing past the limit of  100mph, more tears rolling down her already mascara stained face. A truck speeds towards her and in the state of her dazed she doesn't notice. 

Before she knows it, she crashed. Her car flips and the airbag bursts. As she's holding on while heavily injured, only one thing flashes through her mind: Steve. And then she's gone. She blacks out. 

When she opens her eyes again, there's a flurry of movement and a blinding white light. And as the beeping and movement intensifies, she sees the only face she ever wanted to see and the last face she would ever see. 

Steve paces up and down the hall of the hospital room. An accident. His Natasha, the cautious careful Black Widow got into a car accident. Witnesses had said that she was distracted. But by what, by who? By him? The questions flashed across his mind as he recalled their earlier fight. She had dropped the wine glass on the table when he had told her. Red wine had spilled. Red. Red. Red. Blood? Red in her ledger. Oh crap. She couldn't have been reminded of the Red Room and experienced a relapse in the car, causing the accident. Shit. She had left with a hurt and numb look on her face, the one she always had before the panic attacks started. Steve thought she was getting better. But was she? She seemed okay with him. And her nightmares were occurring less often as they hung out more. And he did feel something for her, but refused to admit it, eventually finding someone. Then it hit him. She must have had felt something for him too because she was vulnerable and open around him. And he had hurt her by going off to find someone else. All this wouldn't have happened if he had just waited for her. If he had just been honest. If he had just confessed when he had the chance. He vowed to make it up to her and to confess when she woke. 

The door of the operating theatre bursts open, snapping Steve out of his thoughts. Steve rushes up to the doctor who peels off his mask and wears a somber expression on his face. "I'm sorry. We did our best." Steve nods silently. "I'm sorry for your loss." He continues before turning around and going back in, leaving Steve in the middle of the hallway, feeling empty and alone. 

She was gone. Gone. And it was all his fault. He texted the other girl and told her that they wouldn't go on any longer, drove home and drowned his soul in bottles of beer. Not that he could get drunk anyways, but the cool liquid sliding down his throat made him feel a bit better. He made a mental note to call Thor to get some of that Asgardian booze for that high feeling again. 

A few days later, Captain Steve Rogers' body was found hanging from the ceiling in his apartment, with a bullet through his brain and a gun on the floor. He had killed himself. But at least now him and Natasha were together, be it in hell or heaven. 

A/N: depressing asf and im sorry. actually maybe im not but anyways i wrote this like half in school in 10 minutes and made the other half up a long time ago but couldn't put it to pen. comment something depressing because i spent so much time on this if it flops im gonna cry okay bai im embarrassing myself. ;) <<3