˗ˏˋ romanogers oneshots ˎˊ˗

love is for children

Trapped. One word. It describes everything I feel. Helpless and trapped, like I have no choice. I am unsure of my place in this world, I do not know what there feeding me and whether they're lies or twisted truths. It hurts and I want to scream but I cant. I've tried to escape but have ailed. Its like I'm in a mental cage and no matter how far I look, there is no key. I'm simply trapped, bounded by the rules of society and the gender stereotypes people have. It sucks. Why can't I just be normal? But then again, what is normal? I want to be free , but I don't know how that feels. I want to stop with the sick twisted propaganda and fairness crap when I know that that isn't true, but what is? I want a life that is so much more. I don't know what I actually want but I know that I don't want this. I'm less than 12 and they're already recruiting me in their organization. I know they say I'm immature and I don't know what its like but I very well do. They train us to be spies and assassins. But is that really want? We're trapped in their organization and no one can get out. They say there's equality but there isn't really a choice, between joining it and dying, what choice does one really have? I don't want to feel trapped, not anymore. Help me. 

12 year old Natasha struggled a lot. And she thought that 20 years late she would be in a better place, but she was clearly wrong. Or was she?

Looking back at her Red Room days gave Natasha the worst nightmares. But that wasn't the worst part of her life. It was the lack of trust and loving someone who she couldn't love because they were in an open relationship. 

Open relationships were often filled with lies and distrust. And more often than not, it didn't work out. That was the case for Natasha and Steve. She wasn't ready to be fully committed so they agreed to keep it open. But it was slowly crumbling, with every other person she slept with caused her to believe she was breaking his trust. 

Natasha spots Steve across the room and runs towards him, practically leaping into his arms.

Steve smiles and holds her tight, neither party willing to let go of each other.

"I can't go on like this." She whispers as they pull apart.

He holds her and looks down knowingly, "I know."

She opens her mouth to say something but starts rambling. "It hurts so much. And I never thought I would say this, but I love you. I love you so much."

Steve looks shocked. Natasha sighs and presses a finger on his lips, preventing him from speaking as she continues.

"Don't say a word, please." She begs. "I need to say this." She sighs before continuing "I never thought I could love before I met you. But I love you. You taught me how to love, you loved me and you showed me love. You patched up my broken tapestry. I can't imagine life without you. I don't wanna live my life without you in it. You're my light in the darkness, my protector, my everything." She looks up and sighs. "I know I was the one who suggested an open relationship but I can't do it anymore. because I want you, and only you. and I'm sorry."

Steve smiles and cups her face in his hand. "Did you?" he whispers.

Natasha nods. "Three. Did you?"

Steve shakes his head. "No. It was always only you."

"I'm sorry," Natasha's breath starts to quiver.

"Don't be." Steve's attempt to comfort her had failed.

"But I-" She protests.

He holds her in his arms a little tighter and whispers to her. It's okay. I was always ready to wait for you anyways. I love you. and nothing will ever change that. Nothing." She smiles.

"Why me?" She asks. "You could have any perfect girl in the world. But you chose me, an assassin, a trained killer, a murderess, a weapon, a broken piece, a untrustworthy spy. Why?"

"Because you make me whole," Steve says, not letting go of her. "Not many people know this but I'm broken too. I sleep every night not knowing when I'm going to freeze and watch all my loved ones die before my eyes and there is nothing I can do to save them. Not you, not anyone. But you make me whole, you complete the missing parts of my life and you are perfect in ways you don't even know. You are the one for me, Natasha. Forever will and always have been."

"But why me?" She refuses to believe her ears. She is perfect for him? Impossible. 

"Because I love you. I have loved you since the day I met you. and nothing about your past, present or future will change that." Steve assures her. 

Natasha sighs and smiles a little, because in her in her worst times, he saw the truth in her, in her mistakes, rebounds, earthquakes ad worst lies, he saw the truth in her, and somehow that was everything and so much more that she ever asked for and imagined. 

After 20 years of hoping and waiting and believing that love would never last, I think I might have found something. I no longer need to put on a façade of what people needed me to be and not who I truly was.  But with him, I could be vulnerable, I could be me. he loved me for the good, bad, the ugly. it was a love that was really something and not just the idea of something. In him, I found myself, and that was all we needed. Love wasn't for children after all. It is something everyone deserves to find, and believe me,  nothing feels better than this moment. 

A/N: this one is really bad yikes i dont like this hmmpt.