The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Two- Denial

When I was young, my mom bought me a book that would have a profound influence on my life. It was an amazing interactive story with only one character. The furry little guy would spend his time page by page trying to convince me not to turn another page, because as he put it with absolute terror in his voice: "There is a monster at the end of this book!" Such a simple message to teach a young child. Being the little imp, I was, I convinced my mother to turn the pages as she read it to me, despite the lovable little guy's objections. If you are familiar with this work, then you know how it ends. If you haven't read it yet I'm sorry. SPOILER ALERT! The monster at the end of this book turns out to be the very little Muppet who was warning me not to turn the pages. The irony is it also fed my vindictive behavior of not caring what he wanted. You might say there were two monsters at the end of the book. Grover and me, with my mom as the enabler, since she was my willing participant in recking this fictional character's day. At the same time Grover's breakthrough that he was a monster holds the key to helping us expose the part of ourselves that we may not want to admit we have.

No one wants to be the bad guy. There is a problem with that phrase. "Bad guy." The Devil is a bag guy. So, if narcissism comes from him and I have it in me, that makes me a bad guy too. Right? Not necessarily. It is true the Devil is the worst personality out there; however, he wasn't always that way. When you read that Biblical narrative again in Ezekiel chapter Twenty-Eight you will see that he didn't start out that way. First, he isolated himself from God and others by focusing on his own view of himself. Then he acted on his cravings for adulation without any regard for the harm his influence would have on others. End result being we all have an inner struggle. The Bible calls it sin. I will refer to the drive in us as our inner NARC. As the story goes Adam & Eve followed suit and we all contracted their condition.

Other religions have identified this anomaly in us as well. Take Buddhism for example. Siddhārtha Gautama, the founder of this school of thought, lived in northern India in the sixth century B.C.E. The legends about him indicate that he was born into the lap of luxury and wealth; however, despite his lavish upbringing that encouraged a self-absorbed lifestyle, he began to focus on the pain and suffering he saw others experiencing in the world around him. He was so moved by his own experience that he made a 180-degree flip in his world view. He began living a life of self-denial in search of a greater truth. This is just one example of how one can resist their inner NARC.

In researching the condition of narcissism, I noticed something about so called, how to fight narcissism aides. It is almost always presented as an, 'us versus them' scenario. Let's point the finger at someone else. Let's find all the reasons why that person is a narcissist. One video post even depicted a woman bantering on about her own husband's narcissistic behavior, while she was actually showing all the signs of it herself. It's like the old saying goes: "It takes one to know one."

You won't get through to an intrenched narcissist (I. NARC) by treating them like one. That will only get them angry. The key is to become the person looking in the mirror that they don't wish to see. It's not enough to be the mirror. We have to become them looking in the mirror, not as they would, but as we wish they would. This is not to say an I. NARC will suddenly turn around and start acting right. It will however, upset them enough to give you room to breathe, and put them on notice that they cannot hurt you with their condescending comments anymore.

This technique was actually used by Jesus of Nazareth when he was being tempted by the Devil. The Devil kept taunting him with the phrase: "If you are a son of God", in an attempt to trigger an egotistical reaction from Jesus. This attack on Jesus' identity backfired though because Jesus kept quoting scriptures that highlighted his own relationship with God. All the Devil could do was look at him from behind while he acted in the way Satan had lost the ability to do. Humbly.

The need for attention is a natural quality, but much like an alcoholic who cannot consume without losing control, our inner NARC can be quite the glutton for attention. And just like an alcoholic, one who has this obsession never truly stops being a NARC. They can however manage themselves. I used alcoholics as an example because, alcohol is a sure-fire way to bring out your inner narcissist. If you don't believe me, just ask someone sober who experienced, you in a drunk condition. They will explain it if you don't get it. Many who will tell you that they were raised by a NARC may recall that some substance such as alcohol was usually involved.

That is not to say there is nothing positive to express about narcissistic behaviors. Some of the greatest figures in history have been I. NARC's. They have been some of the most influential, popular, and charismatic people we know. To those who may not know them up close, they are often set up as role models to be imitated. We are naturally drawn to such alpha minded individuals, until we get to know them personally. Once in their inner circle things change, and we either submit to their whims, or we begin to experience cognitive dissonance, in an attempt to maintain our sanity.

In the next chapter, I will consider one of the most beloved narcissistic personalities from my childhood. You will probably hate me when you are done reading it. But she is a necessary case study in recognizing the narcissist in our midst. Her guidance will produce a generation primed for the narcissistic era in which we now live. If Doctor Spock were a woman, then she was his herald. I promise the next chapter will be as much fun as a spoon full of sugar. Now, take your medicine and turn the page because there is a monster at the end of this book.