The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Eleven- Let's Take a Moment to Reflect

When I was young, my father bought my mother a beautiful, glass, gold rimmed vanity. My mother loved it. She would primp and preen in front of it. It made her feel loved and treasured. It was around this time that I read Ecclesiastes for the very first time. As I read, I kept coming across the word vanity. This was vanity. That was vanity. Literally everything was vanity. I couldn't figure out for the life of me why Solomon was ranting about a glass mirrored desk that was in my mother's bedroom. I mean it made her happy. It made her not as harsh to my father for a brief time in my childhood. Even my sister and I admired it. It was quite beautiful. It brightened up an otherwise dreary bedroom.

You may have deduced from my comments in previous chapters that I have no doubt experienced mommy issues at some point in my life. If so, you would be correct. Yes, my mother was most certainly my first red queen. I used to joke to others that she was my Moriarty although I was a poor excuse for Sherlock Holmes who I greatly admired as a child. I had no training on how to deal with the flood of emotions my mother was filling me with as she repeatedly behaved in a manner similar to Joan Crawford's now infamous behavior toward her adopted children. No, 'Child Protective Services' never came for me and my sister. We are both recovering from our experiences to this day. In spite of this we have even taken turns caring for my mother in her declining years. I must say though, were it not for my mother I would most certainly not be writing this book right now. I love my mother despite all the challenges that have led me to this moment in my life.

Okay, so what does this childhood experience have to do with my mother's glass vanity, or narcissism, or Solomon? Quite a bit actually. You may remember that mirrors or reflections are quite visible in every NARC story. This is very important. Women often obsess over their own reflections. That isn't bad. It is really about how the mirror is used. Is it used to help better your appearance or is it more about using it to get praised for your appearance? Men use various methods to achieve similar results, although a mirror may not be directly involved.

Here is my point. Solomon said that all these vain pursuits in life that should bring us praise from others is actually vanity. Solomon faced this truth first hand. For all his wisdom, he couldn't see the folly of polygamy. In the end he lost most of his kingdom, and turned his back on God. It would appear that this wise one was blinded by his own Vanity. In the end all our vainglorious pursuits amount to nothing because we are dead. You can't take it with you. For example, a father may spend a good portion of his life trying to prepare wealth or the family business for his son who is made in his own image, only to have his offspring reject all of Dad's hard work in his behalf. You see a father's mirror is often revealed in what he expects his child to become. Vanity May blind a father to the possibility that his son might choose a different path. Ironically, my father was nothing like this. In fact, he was quite the opposite, leaving me with nothing to live up to.

If you are from the era of James Dean, you may recall a movie by the name of: "Rebel Without a Cause." If you are familiar with this movie then you know the cause of the son's rebellion was cause his dad was an enabling pansy who wouldn't stand up to his overbearing wife. This is what made the son so mad. Well, let's just say I understood his feelings exactly in my own upbringing. However, unlike the movie I did not pursue a life of rebellion. Instead, I looked at my Dad and tried to learn from his good examples and his bad. I could learn in either direction. After all I was being raised by my Mom, and she had much to teach me in the ways of narcissism.

Just to be clear, I love my Mom and I am not saying she was or is a bad person, but her inner NARC took over long before I was ever born. I saw her repeatedly berate and belittle my Father throughout my childhood and beyond. I am not saying she is intrenched. However, I am saying she is one of the most self-centered individuals I have ever known.

Most NARCs don't know what they are doing. They do not need to study up on the topic. It simply comes naturally to them. We have all inherited these tendencies from generation to generation. But enough about my childhood. What about King Solomon? He showed throughout his writings that vanity was at the heart of everything he saw in life. He saw it as futile pursuits that lead nowhere. In the end he concluded that fearing God and keeping his commandments was the final sum of all things. Is that really true? Is God somehow responsible for all of our problems? Is he just up in the sky looking down on us with a great big:" I'm great and you're not" view of humanity? Is God actually a narcissist?For thousands of years this has been the seeming message of many world religions, especially Christianity. There is a great big gapping problem with this conclusion though.

What about Jesus of Nazareth? If it is all about God's greatness and our worthlessness, then what on earth was Jesus talking about? There are many places in the Bible where to the untrained eye we might start to think that if there is a God, he must be a narcissist. I personally hold the view that, nothing could be further from the truth. Otherwise, how could Jesus have had a clue on what to do to help us resist our inner NARC.

Many today have concluded that God does not exist. They reason that if there is an all-powerful, all wise creator then we are all part of some cruel joke. They see and experience suffering in the world and conclude that if there is a God then they would like to tell him off and give him a piece of their mind. There is one story in the Bible that is often used by atheist's as one of the most compelling Biblical arguments against the existence of a just and loving Judeo-Christian Creator God. Suffering is at the heart of most of these discussions.

As you turn the page, we will take a look at a family that reportedly suffered more than most people experience in a lifetime. Many who read this account might conclude that God was playing chess with the Devil and that the man Job was just a pawn in a cosmic joke. However, I invite you to consider that something more than chess was at stake. The very fate of the universe and the benevolence of free-will itself hung in the balance.