The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Fifteen- I Know How You Feel

When you were young, a teenager, an adult, or even much older in life you may have been visited by five horrifying words that were meant to offer comfort but only filled you with rage. These five words are the title of this chapter. I'll try not to bring them up too much because we all know how this expression from a dear family member, close friend, brand new acquaintance, or some jerk writing a book about this topic, can make us feel worse than we did before they brought it up.

Our trained Empath in the previous chapter knows never to use this expression on us because someone told them not to. However, our wild NARC who thinks they are an Empath uses this expression because they do not know and may not care how it trivializes the recipient, by trying to assume that because they may be older than us or have gone through something similar in their own life, this now makes them an expert on the topic.

As we explored in the previous chapter, sympathy is far superior and much more effective in helping us heal when we are suffering. Listen very carefully: "I do not know what you are going through. I cannot know what you are going through. Even if you share your feelings with me, I will only have my own experiences to help me even scratch the surface of what you may be enduring." This is a modest approach to this topic: "I can't understand exactly what you are going through, but I want to listen, and I want you to know that I care." People don't care how much you know. They just want to know how much you care. If you don't care, but you know, then you are about as useful as Job's three comforters.

Our well-meaning parents are usually the first to use the 'I know what you are going through' expression on us. They were alive before we were and have experiences that can help us work out our feelings. However, as every NARC infected teenager knows, although the experiences of their parents may be similar; reactions and interpretations of similar events may be quite different. Parents who want to help their children need to remember that your child although similar is not a clone of you. At the beginning they are the combination of two very different personalities. They are quite binary sharing traits from both mom and dad, but they also have their own unique take on things. So as parents we need to be careful not to descend from on high just because they appear to be made in our own image.

Remember you have a dark passenger and so does your child. Fight your inner NARC first. Next teach your child by your example how they can fight their own inner struggle. Always try to remember though, your child may not respond to or use the same expressions you use because we are all unique and that is good.

So, how can Jesus of Nazareth help us in this area. Jesus knew everything about people. He could read people. Yet how did he handle his ability? Did he use it to control or manipulate others? Did he ever trivialize other people's feelings just because he knew things that they did not? Not at all. He was kind. If he exposed a woman's private life while speaking with her at a well, he didn't call for her stoning just because she was not married to her current mate. He just showed her a better way which no doubt motivated her to make the needed changes. What about when someone close to him died? Did the fact that he could raise someone from the dead with his father's help make him cold when others were suffering the loss? Quite the opposite. In one very tragic and personal event he was said to have begun weeping with the mourning ones.

For those who have Christian beliefs Jesus was far more than a human who just figured out this secret about our true nature. As much of the Bible indicates he was not just anyone. Jesus was actually the firstborn of all creation. This would mean he was the second person in the universe. This is why he is so irritating to old Papa NARC. When he became human, he was not displaying mere empathy. By living among us he was able to show sympathy for what the human race was going through. He became the only person who could answer the Devil's assumption about free-will and design flaws. If his father in heaven answered the question it would be one sided, but if someone else who had come face to face with selfishness and egotism, and yet overcame the nature of narcissism then it would settle the matter once and for all. Just as a prototype's flaws reveal errors with the designer, so too a prototype's endurance would reveal that the designer did well.

As we look at the example that Jesus (who was also called God's son) set, we realize that he can be our greatest defender in our struggle against our inner NARC. This is why he is so important because he lived here as one of us. However, unlike us he resisted giving into self-centered behaviors. He does not need to empathize with our situation because he can do something far superior. He can sympathize with our weaknesses, and he holds the key to helping us overcome our inner NARC.

We have come a long way in our discussions, and it is very important that we leave no stone unturned. There is a segment of society that pride themselves on their empathy. In the late twentieth century and today a type of Empath has sought to save us all from ourselves. They see the brutality that has been brought upon this earth by unchecked narcissism. These noble-minded individuals desire to make a difference, and their goals are well intentioned.

In future chapters we will explore the views of some groups that would love to see the whole world made green. These people aren't just fighting for change. Their goals transcend humanity and also involve animals, and even plants. If they are successful, they will have not just saved themselves but all man and womankind as well. First though, these bright young minds must find a way to be the hope of the future while at the same time being raised in a narcissistic world. As you turn the page, we are going to examine an area of our childhood many would just as soon forget.