The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Eight- Beware the Cheshire Cat

When we were young, we most likely had that one friend. We may have had many friends, but I'm talking about 'that one friend'. We might have called them our best friend, but for some reason our parents didn't like them at all. Now, not all best friends are like this, and some of us may have been this type of friend to others. "Stop beating around the bush! Just spit it out!" As the title of this chapter says, the "Cheshire Cat". Old Smiley. Now you see me, now you don't. You know what I'm talking about. He's there to get you in trouble but gone with the wind when times get hard. He likes to play advisor and guide, but when the going gets tough all we can remember was his smirk of a smile.

We all love our cheshire cats. We may have more than one. Your life is your life, but the patterns are always there. Alice loved to see the Cheshire Cat, her Cheshire Cat (which he was nothing of the kind). When we or someone in our life display the character traits of this four-legged feline, we are still quite the NARC, but we have taken our show on the road as the saying goes. You may recall Old Smiley had one driving force throughout the story. He was quite fixated with his own amusement. He would get his NARC fix by igniting chaos in an already chaotic Wonderland. He doesn't need to gaslight with lies because he has something much more poignant: He knows something about you, and he knows something about your Red Queen, and he knows how to mix ammonia and bleach. He knows how to make gunpowder, and how to light the fuse. He knows how to jump in the middle of it all and cause an awful mess. He also knows how to leap out of sight leaving you to pick up the pieces with your Red Queen who now sees you as public enemy number one.

With such a clear description of these events one wonders how Alice could see the Cheshire Cat as anything but trouble. He always seemed to be there to give guidance when she needed it. He has always been such a good friend. Alice never does figure it out in the story and most of us may never figure it out with our special friend either. Not parents, or teachers, or anyone is going to convince me otherwise. After all, cats will be cats. You love them anyway. The problem is your so-called friend is not a cat. He is a fellow NARC in Wonderland, but you won't see him that way. He's your friend, and you are his, and you would never betray that friendship by tattling on him for his behavior. Nor will you confront him since he has you trained to follow in a very similar way to how your Red Queen does. What's a girl to do? This is one more reason why we're still in Wonderland.

Everyone knows gossip is wrong. All too often though few have the courage to stop it as it's happening. It might even turn the one hearing it into a cheshire cat for the day. Gaslighting often swings both ways. That's why gossip is only a matter of perspective. Everyone is ready to throw in their own personal take on what transpired, but neither side may even be remembering events as they truly occurred. Why would someone act this way with no regard for the damage this behavior causes? The simple answer is wickedness. The problem with that answer is it labels the cat as bad and does nothing to help us learn why the behavior occurred in the first place. What if I told you that the Cheshire Cat believed the same thing you believe about your friend? He has convinced himself that his actions were motivated by love or at least concern for you. Much like the rest of us, he doesn't even know he's a NARC. Whether he has intrenched or not is up for debate, but if he really is your friend you should be trying to find a way to wake him up, which is hard to do if he just helped you ruin your life. If you are just fed up with him you may be mad for a while, but he knows you'll be back. Like all NARCs he likely doesn't even share the blame for what he caused, and he never will unless you do the last thing either of you expect.

Once again Jesus of Nazareth who was never a NARC knew how to handle a Cheshire Cat that got him put to death. Jesus had been teaching how not to be a NARC for about three years now. He was loved by the crowds who came to hear him speak. He was hated by Papa NARC's flying monkeys who would rather keep the Romans happy than get caught up in a revolution. The religious leaders had prided themselves on knowing God's laws. They were very detail oriented, and Jesus was going around undermining all their hard work to keep the common people under control. They loved to be like opium for the masses. They had no knowledge of this substance but atheists in the twentieth century would later put two and two together. They are like the blue caterpillar in the Wonderland story often times offering convoluted guidance if you get my drift, but I digress. What these religious leaders needed was someone who knew enough about Jesus to trap him, so they could descend from on high.

As it would happen, one from Jesus' closest inner circle of friends, was getting bored with all this anti-NARC talk. You see many of the Jews wanted a revolution that would free them from Roman occupation. Jesus' own inner circle believed that he was there to rule over the earth at that time. His own apostles asked point blank if this was the plan. Well, it appears Judas one of the twelve saw Jesus going nowhere as a revolutionary. He also apparently had a problem with greed which is not good since he was keeping the money for the group to help others. I think you see where this is heading. Most people know this story so, let's get back to how Jesus handles the Cheshire Cat in his midst.

After betraying his teacher's location for thirty silver coins, he shows up in a garden late at night with the flying monkeys, and perhaps a smirk on his face. I say this because Judas identifies Jesus in the dark of the night with a kiss. This was coy behavior even back then. However, as soon as he does this Jesus does something that we really need to write down. Seriously underline or highlight this! It's really important. Jesus without hesitation says: 'Are you betraying me with a kiss?' 'Are you daring to smile while stabbing me in the chest?' This is such an important point. He doesn't wait until they are in private. He doesn't give Judas time to vanish in cheshire like fashion. He point blank and unequivocally deals with the scoundrel right then and there. Jesus wishes no harm to Judas, but he also knows where this is headed.

Filled with guilt and low self-esteem, Judas disappears forever, while clumsily attempting suicide. No, he does not land on his feet. I'm not trying to make light of the seriousness of what happened here, and we never want something so terrible to befall people who we love, but people must face what they have done. You are not helping them defeat their inner NARC by looking the other way while they destroy lives. Don't ever wish harm on them but put them on notice that their actions are not welcomed.

Don't let fear of their suicide prevent you from telling the truth. You are not just protecting yourself. You are also protecting others that they may be hurting. They might not yet be an I. NARC. Your actions may be just what they need to wake them up to the reality of what they are doing. If not, you are not responsible. You are not responsible. You are not responsible. Threats of suicide is one of many clever tools I. NARCs often use to make you fall back in line. If you fall for it, you will be their prisoner until you die inside and out. If their threat seems genuine call the proper authorities immediately, but don't let them manipulate the situation.

This is a hard pill to swallow, but it is the truth. Alice didn't stay in Wonderland forever. While she never saw that the Cheshire Cat was a false friend, she did eventually expose the red queen as such. When she finally had the courage to speak her truth she woke up from the delusion. The only way out of our personal wonderland is to realize that Jesus knows something we need in order to escape. He has the key. You won't unlock his secrets with an intellectual approach. You can read all day and never get the sense of his teachings.

If you won't take his word for it because he was too perfect, let's take a step back and take a closer look at someone who influenced multiple generations of children. He didn't mention Jesus once, but he also knew that Jesus' words were more than good ideas. They would need to be a way of life. He knew that Jesus would often teach lessons about how to be a good neighbor. In our next chapter we will explore some helpful ways we can recover from the narcissism we may have experienced since childhood. Now turn the page. This may sound crazy, but we are headed to 'the Neighborhood of Make Believe.'