The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Five- Don't Get Lost in Wonderland

When all of us were young, we were likely exposed at some point or in some way to a fanciful story written by a rumored pedophile about a little girl who followed a white rabbit down a rabbit hole. It is hotly debated whether opium or other drugs influenced his writings. True or not, the Devil is in the details, as the saying goes. If either rumor is true, it would go a long way toward explaining the hidden metaphors in Lewis Carroll's writings, but more importantly it would reveal his dark passenger for all to see.

We may think of narcissists as extroverts but as I explained in chapter four, some can also be introverts, as Carroll reportedly was. This is very important because if he was indeed a pedophile, we will be able to see how his account of Alice is a window into his secret desire. There is no way to know if he acted on such impulses but acting or not does not change the fact that his desires if true were in his time and in any time for that matter wrong.

Any who have been a victim of such deviant behavior know that pedophiles no matter how docile they may appear in public, are actually masters of mind control in the presence of their prey. The ability to control someone through clever techniques is also employed by a skilled narcissist. And let's be honest, not all I. NARCs are pedophiles, but all I. NARCs are abusers who can leave their victims spiraling down a rabbit hole of guilt and confusion. In this chapter we will explore methods that can help such victims to come out survivors with their sanity intact as they fight with every breath to not get lost in Wonderland.

Now, I am in no way trying to give clinical advice on how to cope with this terrible crime that is often in the headlines today. This I. NARC behavior as we all know is not limited to the abuse of children, as the "me- too" movement has made abundantly clear. This is one of my reasons for writing this publication. Laws are changing every day, inching closer and closer to a world where narcissism could become the only "ism". And when that happens, heaven help us all.

Now let's talk about how to defend ourselves from the often times mind altering state an I. NARC could leave us in if we're not careful. The first person to ever use the gaslighting technique was Papa NARC himself. We talked about him in previous chapters. In the story of Eden, the serpent sows seeds of doubt in the mind of Eve by saying: "Did God really say?" Then he lied to her and implied God was hiding something. This is exactly how gaslighting is defined in the dictionary: "A psychological manipulation in which a person or group covertly sows seeds of doubt in a targeted individual or group, making them question their own memory, perception, or judgement, often evoking in them, cognitive dissonance and other changes including low self-esteem." (Thank you Wikipedia)

Eve bit the lie, hook, line, and sinker, and we have all been running around lost and confused in this topsy turvy world ever since. Now, what could Eve have done to protect herself? Well, she could have checked the facts. Go ask Adam to reconfirm what God said. Both her and Adam could have called on God to clarify matters. There was nothing in writing in their day but thousands of years later when Jesus of Nazareth had a similar experience after a 40 day fast, he referenced the facts found in scripture left and right. He quoted the written record so much that, pretty soon the Devil had to adapt to the same method to keep up, quoting Psalm Ninety-One in hopes that Jesus would attempt suicide to prove a point. Well, it didn't work because Jesus never lost his context.

What did Jesus reveal that can help us when someone tries to gaslight us by spinning the narrative? Just the facts. Stick with the facts. To do this requires work on our part to record and catalogue what and when and how. Having others to witness your encounters is also helpful. This is not easy, and it can be exhausting but it will help you to avoid doubting yourself when confronted with an ever-changing I. NARC tea party.

Each situation is different but the behaviors are quite similar. For example, your I. NARC might knock you down the stairs and then blame you for the pain it caused them because they chipped a finger-nail in the process. Just remember assigning blame is the name of the game. Someone must always be at fault. If that is their platform, then remove the platform. Remove blame from the equation.

Now, if you were or are being raised by an I. NARC you may be at a disadvantage because they got an early start on programming you. This is where the sequel to "Wonderland" comes into view. You may also be familiar with the book: "Through the Looking Glass." Here is how the I. NARC uses the mirror as a weapon to imprison their victim. If there is one thing an I. NARC loves, it is their mirror. Now, most of us use mirrors to check our appearance, or to avoid backing into something. You know, constructive behavior. To an I. NARC, it is something to reflect upon their own greatness. Here's how they do it. First, they will place their victim in front of the mirror (figuratively). Next the predator comments on all the victim's faults that the I. NARC actually hates about themself. Third, the victim is encouraged to work on being more like the I. NARC who has just placed all his own self-loathing traits on the shoulders of the now quite depressed and emotionally imprisoned victim.

Without you even realizing it the I. NARC has now placed you on the other side of the looking glass which is now angled slightly up to ensure you are now looking up at your new master who expects your devoted imitation. As you turn around to see what has happened you notice a very odd chessboard, but rather than black and white, the pieces are now red and white. You will recall red is a color used in checkers not chess. Welcome to Wonderland!

Whether you have fallen down the rabbit hole or arrived by way of refraction, one character looms large as the ultimate threat to your sanity. The Red Queen, and if she isn't happy you just might lose your head. Turn the page for the way back to reality.