The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Seven- Mad as a Hatter

In your youth, you may have encountered someone who was also a seeming victim of your Red Queen. They may be a seasoned veteran who has been dealing with your intrenched narcissist long before you came on the scene. They might be a family member, a coworker, a parent, or someone else who you love and trust and may have even served as a stand in to help your Red Queen keep you in line. Due to their long-term exposure to the I. NARC's toxic personality they may be quite settled in their role in Wonderland. Their madness set in quite gradually and you may look to them for cues as to how to keep your Red Queen happy. You won't find them always in direct company with the Queen. Perhaps a leisurely stroll into the garden to enjoy some tea with good friends is just what you need to take your mind off your troubles.

Backing up a bit recall our previous discussion about Mary Poppins. The key to seeing how an I. NARC operates is we need to be able to identify their enablers as well. With Mary it was Burt who was always presenting Mary's whimsical abilities as if they were perfectly normal, while at the same time allowing her to condescend his own behavior redirecting the attention off of herself. Everyone is smiling and having a good time. What's the harm in that? We all love a good story and a silly symphony, but we also know, that is not real life. Well, you assume that is what everyone knows. Unfortunately, if you were raised by an I. NARC you know that Burt was not acting, and the Hatter was as mad as they come.

If we're a survivor of this mental chaos, that Hatter in your own life, perhaps is one of your role models, dare I say heroes. Sadly, this person although comforting, may actually be one reason why we are still stuck in Wonderland three chapters since we started this topic. I did not set out to write so much about Wonderland, but the parallels to this situation are just too eerily similar to ignore.

Just as our degrees of narcissistic tendencies differ, so too our real-life influences may not always have the same equivalent in the story. For instance, your Hatter might also be your white rabbit who led you down the rabbit hole, or they might be the kingly consort to the Red Queen. Wherever they fit in your own story just know that they always have the same role to the I. NARC. They are like mallets (or flamingos) that the Queen can use to beat you down and keep you in line. It may not be their fault, but this isn't about laying blame. It's about survival and escaping the illusion.

You may have noticed by now that the guidance of Jesus of Nazareth has been a recurring theme in these discussions. Please don't be threatened by these references. Religion turns many off to listening. I have been very careful not to enter into a theological discussion throughout this book but hopefully by now you are starting to see that the Nazarene offers expert advice both in word and action on how to cope with the NARC in our midst.

Others who have written on this topic often refer to the flying monkeys from the "Wizard of Oz" to describe the minions that rally to the support of the I. NARC. We have expanded on that concept during our exploration of Wonderland. So, tying some past concepts together with this element from Jesus' day is especially crucial since the Devil has been identified as the Father of all NARCs. Jesus himself tells us when addressing the religious leaders who taunted and attacked him. He said to them: "You are from your Father the Devil because you do the desires of that one." Do you see? This concept just fits.

This book is not designed to offer all the answers but perhaps it can help to point you in the right direction. When the Bible says: 'Jesus is the way' did it ever occur to you that it might be the way out of the delusional mad rantings of Papa NARC and our own personal Red Queen?

Whatever you believe, don't miss the opportunity to find the answer in the last place you might expect to find answers. Religion has done much to be like opium to the masses. We may think of religion as the blue caterpillar on top of a mushroom, but this has nothing in common with the real Jesus who knew a secret and truly was wise. He never gave into narcissistic tendencies and he wasn't afraid to stand up to anyone who would try to weaken his resolve. He never took his eye off the chessboard. He knew that NARCs don't like to lose. They just retreat until another convenient time.

I'm not writing this book. It's writing itself. I. NARCs will always take the road of convenience. That is their weakness. If you know that, you can come out on top when their house begins to collapse. Remember they are their own worst enemy. They will even divide their own house to win at checkers. That's why their house will not stand. Don't go mad worrying about your personal Red Queen. Get your own house in order. Route out those NARC-like qualities you see in yourself. Don't shift the blame to others like Adam and Eve did by blaming God for their bad choices. Do not intrench. Wake up from the nightmare.

We can be the Alice of our story. We don't have to become the Hatter. And maybe just maybe, if the Hatter sees us escaping from Wonderland, it might inspire the enabler to wake up as well. That's all well and good but didn't they kill Jesus, and didn't Alice end up getting locked up in an asylum (as some modern adaptations suggest)? Yes, you are correct on both counts. And there is a reason for that in both cases. For Alice, the enemy who she didn't suspect was always smiling but seldom seen. With Jesus the enemy was one of his closest friends. Who is your Cheshire Cat? Turn the page, but don't blink or you might miss it.