The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Sixteen- Save the Teenagers Save the World

When I was young, I went with my classmates to a one-week winter camp up in the San Bernardino mountains in California, not far from where I would one day meet my beautiful future wife. I was in my last year of elementary school at the time, and I was still quite well known by my peers as the school pariah. Most of them had long since grown bored of my dead bird story. I was very good at playing the crazy card and school goof by this time. The funny thing about camp, and you know what I mean if you have ever gone to camp. The thing is camp has an odd way of reversing the normal order of things we may be accustomed to at school. For instance, the popular kids suddenly become quite goofy. The odd ball kids suddenly may become leaders. Children that seemed so perfect at school are suddenly throwing up things like ice cream due to lactose intolerance. Others who were bullies are now revealed as bed-wetters. As if out of nowhere, camp has now become a winter wonderland.

If those things weren't crazy enough, the boy who everyone hated is suddenly able to cope better with the outdoor environment than many of his peers. His love of the stars has made him appear quite knowledgeable in the presence of his camp leaders. At the same time, one who always passively knew how to keep the eyes of the other children off of him now finds himself having snow hurled at him by other students until he is at the bottom of a snowy embankment in tears.

As I watched these odd occurrences and took delight in not being the automatic target of peer abuse on this one strange week away from school, I couldn't help but take a step back to wonder what had just happened. I don't know if you have ever had a similar experience, but I must admit, it shook me to the core and changed the way I had been approaching peer relations. My experiences at camp were opening my mind to the potential of living on the other side of the popularity spectrum. Could it be that I had been using the wrong vehicle all along?

As I entered junior high (now known as middle school) I would take a new direction away from social misfit towards something that would feed my inner NARC in ways previously not considered. This change in behavior was encouraged by one of my all-time favorite teachers. She took a personal interest in me due to my family's humble living situation. She was my English teacher. Under her tutelage my love of grammar and language would be enhanced. She was head of the thespian club and paid for me to go to see performances. I saw stage performances of: "Evita", "Into the Woods" and "The Secret Garden" to name just a few. She also inspired me to join Drama where I would perform in the school production of "Cheaper by the Dozen". These experiences filled me with a love of theater.

At the end of my time in Junior High she even awarded me with a medal of honor in the thespian club for attending all the performances that she had paid for me to attend. I will always be grateful to Ms. Spencer for the kindness she showed me. Thanks to her influence I even served as a reporter on the school newspaper before moving on to High School.

In my first few months of High School my parents were evicted from where we were living which would create a very unstable living environment for my sister and me. At this critical time in my life prayer became a stabilizing force that would help me to cope with the topsy turvy world I was now experiencing. At this point in my life, I had high grades and was doing quite well academically. I had never felt so good about education before, but now I really enjoyed learning. However, this was not to last. Due to our poor housing conditions, we were living in different motels every few weeks. For the time being though I found myself in a 'Dangerous Minds' style High School. I felt that my new English teacher was attempting a 'Stand and Deliver' approach on my peers. The problem was his methods were less like Mr. Rogers and more like Walt Disney.

As he instructed the students, he would spend a good part of class time talking about his previous students. He even kept their pictures on his wall inside a framed box. I think he was trying to use fear to motivate his current class to make a different choice. He would tell of a girl who got pregnant and had to drop out. Another picture was of a student who was now in prison for murder. Then he said something that shook me to the core. He said with almost a wince of pride: "And I expect I will soon be adding your photos to my wall of [shame]." I don't recall if he actually said shame but that is what it was. He was trying to shame his students into being better.

I don't think I need to bring up any of my previous discussions for you to see what was happening here. This kind of cruel 'red asphalt' style mind trick won't make children excel. Honestly, I often felt quite ill after each of his classes. All I wanted to do was give up. No wonder he had so many kids on his wall. They were trophies of his terrible teaching style. If you want to inspire change in people, don't tear them down. Inspire them. This man thought he was saving the teenagers in his midst, but in reality, he was condemning them to repeat history. In fact, as I recall some of the pictures on his wall were the parents of some of his current students.

This experience took me back to my camp days in elementary school. We were told about an experiment that had been performed on some plants to test whether they could recall violent acts performed on other flora. A small plant was crushed in the presence of other plants in the room. It was discovered that the other plants gave off a very specific bio-electrical signal when the murderous individual who performed the herbicide would subsequently enter the room. The subject of plant memory retention is hotly debated, but if true would reveal the scope of damage that narcissism can inflict on all life.

Narcissism is a very poor teacher. Fear has its place, but only if it is a teacher and not a jailer. Terrorizing young impressionable minds into being fine upstanding citizens will not inspire anyone to grow beyond their inner struggle. Teenagers are at a critical cross- roads in their development. They may be losing the hopes and dreams they once had as children. Now they are awakening to a cruel world that is causing them to become jaded. Those who would be our guides and instructors must remember that the future belongs to these precious young minds. They need to be given hope that there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Otherwise turning the page may fill us with absolute terror as we start to fear what might be just ahead.