The Convenience of Narcissism

Chapter Twenty- Is Your God Narcissistic?

An atheist and a religious zealot get trapped together on an island one day. The religious zealot who we will call Neal accuses the atheist who we will call Nate of being a narcissist, because he thinks his short-sighted view is the only right one. Nate sees Neal as delusional, because he keeps describing his God with all the traits of the narcissist that Neal sees Nate as. They both get drunk together talking about their two opposing views, but neither one sees how both views are flawed and both have a truth that the other one is unwilling to see. Neal doesn't realize he is describing God as a NARC because his inner NARC is convinced that his blind obedience equals God's pleasure. Nate has been hearing about God in narcissistic language his whole life and figures, if God is that messed up then he must be a monster and there is no benefit to listening to his guidance. So, there they sit, wondering why the other doesn't see it their way.

Let me make one thing quite clear. I do not believe that the Judeo-Christian God is not a NARC. God does not have narcissistic tendencies. That being said but not subconsciously believed, we will almost always without question migrate back towards describing him as if he were. No one who believes in an all-powerful all-wise creator sees God as something as monstrous as a NARC, but we don't stop having NARC-like tendencies just because we know the real story. Our inner NARC has its own language. Like the tower of Babel story mentioned in the Bible, when a believer tries to explain God to an Atheist his own inner NARC gets things all mixed up and all the Atheist hears is: NARC, NARC, NARC. Likewise, when Nate says that Neal is delusional and there are inconsistencies, all Neal hears is: NARC, NARC, NARC. In chess we would call this a stale-mate.

What is one way through this brick wall of viewpoints? There are ways these two can escape but maybe we need to back up and talk about a more pressing issue. How are these two dilutional NARCs going to get off the island? Ironically, the Atheist may have the advantage in making the first move, because he is relying on his own understanding. He may be first to realize that he is going to need Neal's help if they have any chance of getting off the island. Neal now has a choice to make. He can wait for God or he can accept the idea that maybe Nate may be onto something. Neal may be slow to decide this though because he believes God made the whole universe all by himself without anyone else around. He doesn't realize that the first team in history was a father and son project. Neal thinks God is a solo artist. So, Neal needs to use another line of reasoning to justify working with Nate: 'God in all his wisdom has chosen Neal to help Nate find the truth'. Now Neal is quite humble, and he will give credit where credit is due. So, he will give all credit to God even though God hasn't actually said a word.

If you are a person who believes in God, then you are probably wondering what on earth I am talking about. You do not believe that God is a NARC. That doesn't make any sense. At the same time the atheist is reading this and knows exactly what I'm talking about. It is pretty much the very reason Nate became an atheist in the first place. You see, Nate believes things about God that people like Neal have been throwing in his face for years, and reasons that if there is a god, Nate would like to punch him in the nose. I'm being kind here. Stay calm Nate. Bear with me. We will get there.

Okay Neal let me explain it to you. You keep talking about God's master plan and how if Nate doesn't get in line, God's going to kill him. Neal I can see that blank look in your eyes, as if to say: "What's your point?" Hold on Nate. We just need to explain it to Neal with a little more finesse. Neal would you hold your son's hand over a hot stove and even burn him to get him to obey you? Your answer is hopefully no. Would you take you grand-child away from your grown child and their mate to come home to be with you? Oh, and they can't visit or call the child. Once again, I hope the answer is no, or I'm calling C.P.S right now.

This is exactly what occurs when someone with a Judeo-Christian background explains the death of a young child. Often the explanation is that God plucked the young child like a flower from the earth to be with him in his garden in heaven. This explanation will often fill a mourning mother with an uncontrollable sense of rage. If such a horrendous explanation had been given to the man Job and his wife then they would likely not have recovered from their resentment towards God after losing their ten children. The pain accompanying a loss of this kind requires an explanation that does not paint God as a cruel narcissistic kidnapper who steals children. If we're going to insist on describing our creator using narcissistic terminology, we shouldn't be surprised if people shy away from wanting a personal relationship with him.

Make no mistake. There is absolutely nothing convenient about allowing an innocent child to die. There is nothing convenient about allowing a child to suffer in agony. There is nothing convenient about watching the human race along with animals and plant life suffer for thousands of years with no end in sight. There is also nothing convenient about sending your firstborn son to this earth and allowing him to die to answer a question once and for all about the beneficial reasons for sharing free-will and life itself with people who do not appreciate the gifts they have been given. While none of these things are convenient, they all have a long-term outcome.

By allowing time to answer the question of the benevolence of free-will something else is being brought to the surface. Narcissism is like a virus that has infected humanity with poisons that have caused unimaginable harm. At the same time, by allowing it to run its course everyone is being allowed to see how dangerous this monster really is. This in turn will move future generations to reject this Selfish Internal Nature should it ever try to return. This is one of the best arguments against the concept of God being a narcissist.

Based on the narrative explored in this book, if God were narcissistic, he would have killed old Papa NARC along with Adam, and Eve at the first sign of rebellion. If God were a narcissist, he would not have put a tree in the garden to give humans a choice to use their great freedom responsibly. If God were a narcissist, he would not have given anyone else free-will. He would have made emotionless robotic lifeforms who would do everything exactly as instructed without question. How do we know this? Quite simply because that is what a narcissistic monster would do. That would be convenient. That would also be a very lonely existence devoid of the most precious quality in the universe. That quality is love. Not the selfish love we find in the world today that is sought after like a mere possession to be acquired. Love, true love is not a possession. It is a quality that we all possess. It has always been in us. After all we were created in God's image, and God is love. Love is not the opposite of narcissism. It is what is left over when narcissism is removed from our personality.

If we are religious, we may have spent our whole life fixating on how insignificant we are in the universe while at the same time coming to terms with the concept that a supreme being in the universe could care for me personally. As you read your personal copy of the Bible you will eventually come across verses that will highlight that we are dust. How do you interpret that phrase? We are dust. What does that really mean? Does it mean I am dirt? Worthless? Insignificant? Do you think this makes you humble? Humility is a word that is almost as misunderstood as the word narcissist. Self-deprecation is not true humility. It is actually mock humility or fake humility. True humility can raise others up without putting the one showing it down. Jesus of Nazareth never insulted himself to make others look better. In reality this is a low self-esteem NARC trick to create a false sense of piety.

So, if that is not the takeaway for the phrase: "We are dust" then what is? Well, we need to see ourselves not with a rusty hazy old mirror, but instead we need to examine ourselves through the eyes of the one who took dust from the ground and formed it into the human race, because he saw the potential. For those with scientific minds the use of dust goes even further. After all our planet, our solar system, our galaxy, the very universe is formed out of dust. Yes, the creator saw the potential in what dust could become. This is so different from some human fathers today who will often give in to NARC driven doubt.

Motivated by unselfish love the mind that caused our universe to be born has also shared this marvelous ability of choice with us. He took pleasure in delegating this responsibility to others. This is one reason why Jesus of Nazareth the son of God can guide us so well because he was not raised by a narcissist. He learned how to delegate from his father. We can learn so much from their examples. One of the best things about delegating is it challenges those parts of our brain that can best fight our inner narcissism. This in turn builds our trust in others and gives us inner peace.

When we see the potential in others of what they may become, we emerge from the narcissistic mindset that holds others down. When we free ourselves of these self-centered notions and embrace the love that remains long after narcissism fades, we find true peace. We experience true joy. We no longer hunger to be fed with praise. We no longer thirst for attention. We no longer crave things that harm ourselves and others. We learn to be kind. We gain real purpose in life. We put away the traits of a child. Fear becomes unnecessary. Our love becomes perfected. We achieve a level of contentment previously unknown. We finally understand the futility of narcissism and the true convenience of God's unselfish love as we look up with awe to discover the endless wonders of all creation that will groan no more, but instead live and learn and be joyful for all eternity.

The Beginning.