road trip of a lifetime

chapter twenty-one

"Yes"

My heart stopped.

I could feel myself began to shake and I had no point even trying to hide the tears that were streaming down my face anymore. I just needed to get away.

"A?" Charlie asked looking worried.

I just looked at him and ran to the bathroom. It was only place I could thought of with a lock on the door.

I shut the door behind me and locked it. Then my feet gave. I leaned my back to the door and collapsed to the ground.

I was crying now more than ever.

He had stolen my first kiss.

And I didn't even knew it was him, or remembered the whole thing. I mean this would have been a dream come true like a year ago but now it was just too much.

I hadn't even figured out my feelings for him or Owen and now I was supposed to process this somehow. And to be honest I really didn't know if I could.

I started to do my panic attack exercises to calm down. They did help but the anxiety started coming back as soon as I realized that I couldn't spend the rest of my life here in the bathroom. Also my position was kinda hurting me.

I got up slowly and walk to the mirror. I pulled of my shirt and stared my body. It looked hideous.

I was covered with black and blue bruises and couple wounds here and there. And I had no clue why. I mean who does this to a person and how come I had not felt or remembered it.

There was a small knock on the door but I ignored it. I wasn't ready to face the guys. I didn't really even know should I be mad or happy or sad or what. My mind was a complete mess.

New knock on the door.

I still didn't say anything. I kept staring to the mirror. I wasn't afraid of the bruises anymore. In fact they made me stronger and they made me kinda mad.

Another knock on the door. "Open the door A," I heard a tired voice other side of the wall. It was Charlie.

I didn't know how to act around him anymore. Why, why he had to had kissed me? I mean he for sure knew how drunk I was. He had kinda taken advantage of me.

The thought made me feel sick.

On the other hand, the Charlie I knew would never do that, which ment I had probably made the first move. This thought made me even more angry. I had screwed up big time.

"Open up!!" he said again and I did. I didn't care that I stood there only in my bra. I just stared him dead in the eye.

I could see his gaze scan me from the head to my toes and back up. He looked shocked.

"I-I don't know what to say," was all he got out.

"You don't have to say anything," I looked at him and walked past him to only realize that I had left the shirt and hoodie in the bathroom.

I couldn't ruin my great exit so I just walked to the only place I could come up with, Owen's room.

As I walked in I saw Owen sitting on his bed with his head buried in his hands. He lifted his head up when he realized I was in the room.

His eyes did the same as Charlie's, they went through my whole body all the way up to my eyes.

Owen didn't say anything. He just got up and closed me inside of his arms but was he careful not to hurt me.

"I'm sorry," he then whispered my ear and I could hear he was crying.

"It's not your fault," I said pulling back and looking him in the eyes. "It's none of us."

The tears began to roll down on my cheeks but it was okay, it actually made me feel a little better to get something out.

I was still shaking. Partly cause of all that was going on and partly cause I was freezing.

"Take this," Owen gave me one of his hoodies.

"Thanks" I mumbled and put it on. It was soft and the calmed my nerves. The whole day had turned into a chaos.

"You wanna talk about it?" Owen then asked very carefully like he was afraid I would explode or something.

"Not yet," I said and gave him a weak smile. I think I needed to process all this by myself first and maybe call Tara. She would know what to do and say.

"Okay, do you want to get out of here or something?" Owen asked.

That wasn't too bad idea, I knew for sure I wasn't going to be able to talk with Charlie, not yet. And the apartment was kinda big but not big enough for me to avoid him.

"Yeah, I think that would be great," I told Owen who nodded and grabbed his laptop and keys.

I had left my phone on the kitchen and went to get it.

"Can we talk?" I heard Charlie saying when I walked to the living room. He looked scared and sad. I felt kinda bad for him but at the same time I couldn't even look directly at him.

"I can't, not just yet," I sighed "But maybe tomorrow or tonight... I'll find you." I promised to him.

"Oh, okay sure" he looked even more sad but didn't try to force me to talk.

I took my phone from the counter and walked out of the apartment. I left a confusing voice message explaining the situation to Tara and told her that I would need to talk with her later today.

Right when I got the message sent, Owen walked to the hallway.

"Ready?" he asked me and smiled a little.

"Yeah,"

We walked to the car and Owen started driving.

We didn't say a word before parked the car. He had drove us to this little hill outside the city. And it was beautiful out here.

"This is the place where I come when ever I have to get some time alone or have something on my mind," he explained me looking out of the window.

"And I thought you could need a place to think at the moment," he said more quiet.

"Thank you," was all i was able to say.

This man right here got me so well. And he drove me here even I know he was hangover and tired as well. I couldn't even tell how grateful I was to him.

"Where are you going?" I asked Owen when he opened the door and was about to leave the car.

"I thought I'd give you some space," he said to me and shut the door behind him.

I didn't really want him to leave. So I jumped out of the car.

I was a complete mess, I couldn't think straight.

I walked around the car and pumped almost Owen who looked surprised.

"What are you doing?" he asked me looking confused.

"I just umm..." I stuttered.

He looked me even more confused and nodded me to go on.

"I don't want you to leave," I finished my sentence.

"Oh," Owen said and smiled to me.

His smile was beautiful and it made me happy whenever I saw it.

"So you want to talk?" he asked while I was still standing there just staring the guy.

"Not really.. I - I just don't wanna be alone," I said little embarrassed.

"That's okay, do you wanna finish the movie?"

"Yeah"

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