I was so excited to see Alec again.
After my Mom’s birthday, we didn’t see each other again. He ditched us on Christmas and New year, and I had to lie to my parents why Alec wouldn’t visit us during that holidays.
It’s been more than a month since he indirectly told me that he wasn’t in love with me and he likes someone else, but reading his text that he wants us to meet and talk made me cut my classes and ditch my thesis groupmates.
Alam kong sinabi ko na sa sarili ko na hindi na ako aasa kay Alec at tatanggapin ko nalang na hindi talaga kami para sa isa’t-isa pero anong magagawa ko? Mahal ko na talaga eh. Kaya isang text niya lang hindi na ako mapakali, excited na agad akong makita siya na para bang hindi niya ako sinaktan at iniwan nalang sa ere.
Pag-pasok ko palang ng sasakyan niya alam ko nang walang magandang kakalabasan ang kung anumang pag-uusapan namin. I can feel it, I can see it in his eyes, and the air inside his car screams bad news.
I bit my lower lip, I want to stop myself from sobbing.
Alam ko naman na na hindi niya ako mahal ah. Alam ko naman na na may iba siyang gusto.
It hurts, I already expected that but knowing that my sister is involve makes it the worst. Ang sakit-sakit.
Tanggap ko na eh, pero yung malaman kong si ate Aurora yung iba… hindi ko na kinakaya.
Napapikit ako, gusto ko nang huminto sa pag-iyak. Gusto ko nang huminto yung sakit na nararamdaman ko.
“Anj…” he tried to reach my hand.
Inilayo ko ang kamay ko at nagsumiksik ako sa may pinto ng shotgun seat. Nothing will comfort me now, not even him. He’s the one who hurt me anyway.
“I’m sorry, I was so selfish and so unfair. It is my mistake. Alam ko hindi mo ako mapapatawad but Awie needs you, she’s… she’s sick.” Napalingon ako sa sinabi ni Alec.
Ate is sick? Maybe! No normal person will steal her younger sister’s fiancé!
Hindi ako kumibo at napairap lang sa ere.
“Leukemia, Anj. Final stage.” Dagdag pa ni Alec.
“What?!” I snapped. I didn’t expect that, gulat na gulat ako.
Tumango si Alec, tinitigan ko siya. He looked so stressed.
“And she’s pregnant.” Huli niyang sinabi.
I was fucking speechless. I don’t really know what to feel.
It hurts, of course, but thinking about Ate’s situation right now… hindi ko na alam! Magagalit ba ako? Maaawa? Ano ba dapat ang maramdaman ko?
Napasapo ako sa ulo ko na biglang sumakit dahil sa lahat ng nalaman ko ngayon. I was crying, and thinking about everything made me laugh too. Napailing ako, nababaliw na ata ako.
“Nasaan siya?” I asked Alec, hindi ko siya tiningnan. Hindi ko kaya.
We went to the hospital where my sister stays.
We are all silent, the only thing I can hear inside the room was Ate’s sobs.
Kanina, puro sorry niya ang naririnig ko. Umiiyak siya, hindi ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko sakanya.
Galit ako, oo, pero hindi ko kayang ipakita or ipamukha sakanya yung galit ko. Looking at her right now makes me want to hug her.
Her eyes were swollen from lack of sleep and crying, she got thinner, namumutla siya, at hindi nakakatayo dahil nanghihina.
