“Alec, congratulations!” I saw Tita Siera in the flower farm, it is just near the reception. Nilapitan ko agad siya.
Kalong-kalong niya si Nessa, she’s like showing her the beauty of flowers to her grandchild.
“Thank you, Tita.” I hugged her gently.
Humalakhak si Nessa kaya naman naagaw agad nito ang atensyon ng Lola niya, Tita Siera then played again her Apo. Nakangiti ako habang pinagmamasdan sila when I realized that I haven’t seen Angie again after the ceremony.
“Tita where’s Angie po?” wala sa sarili kong natanong si Tita Siera, she looked at me for awhile.
“I should be the one asking you that…” she said.
Right. Napalinga-linga tuloy ako para hanapin siya.
“I was just kidding, hijo… iniwan ko siya kanina sa may table nila, kasama niya ang Mommy niya.” nakangiting sambit ni Tita Siera saakin.
Nagpaalam agad ako kay Tita at tinungo ang table na ihinanda para sa parents ni Angie but she’s nowhere to be found.
“Alec, hijo! Congrats!” one of Tita Angel’s friend greeted me, lahat tuloy ng kasama ni Tita Angel sa lamesa ay napatingin saakin. Ngumiti ako agad sakanila kahit alanganin dahil hinahanap ko si Angie.
“Thank you po.”
“Have you seen Angie? Tsaka si Nessa?” other Tita Angel’s friend asked. I bit my lower lip, I don’t know where Angie is.
“Magkasama sila ni Nessa, for sure. Kasama ang Tita Siera niya.” Si Tita Angel ang sumagot sa kaibigan, halatang mapait ang huling salita.
I had to excuse myself because I really have this urge that I need to know where Angie is.
I went back to the room where she stayed before the wedding when I didn’t find her.
Nagkagulatan pa kami nung bigla kong binuksan ang pinto. Napaiwas ako ng tingin nung makitang umiiyak siya.
Tumayo siya sa kama, sinarado ko ang pinto at tiningnan siya habang nagpupunas ng luha sa harap ng vanity mirror.
I suddenly don’t know what to say. I don’t even know why I am searching for her anyway.
“Uhh…” I started. Napalingon siya saakin, naghihintay ng sasabihin ko.
“You weren’t outside and… they were asking about you…” I said, partly true.
“I’m sorry… I’ll go, mag-aayos lang ako.” sabi niya at sa salamin na ulit nakatingin.
Nanatili akong nakatayo sa may pintuan, nakatingin lang sakanya.
After all, she’s still the Angie I knew. The Angie I liked. The Angie I almost loved.
Napalingon siya saakin, nagtataka. Siguro dahil hindi pa ako umaalis.
Tumikhim ako.
Sa totoo lang, we never really talked again after our talk when I told her about me and her Ate. And that was a year ago.
We planned about going back here in the Philippines, and decided to get married for Awie and Nessa but that was a talk with Tita Siera so that we could figure things out smoothly.
Pero yung talagang kami, yung talagang tungkol saamin ngayon. Wala.
“Can we… can we talk?” I said. That made me nervous.
Sandali siyang natigilan. She sighed before she nodded.
Naupo ako sa kama malapit sakanya, siya ay naupo sa vanity chair sa harap ng salamin. Nakaharap saakin.
“I am sorry.” Panimula ko. Tumango lang siya, hindi man lang nagtanong kung para saan.
O kailangan pa ba talagang magtanong? Alam naman naming dalawa na malaki talaga ang kasalanan ko sakanya.
“I am really in love with your ate kaya nagawa ko iyon.”
“You shouldn’t be sorry then, she deserve to be loved.” Mabilis niyang tugon. Wala siyang reaksiyon, o hindi ko lang talaga mabasa ang nararamdaman niya ngayon.
“I know I hurt you-”
“Nakalimutan ko na iyon, it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t love you now, hindi na ako nasasaktan dahil doon. Hindi mo na kailangang magsorry.” She said. Malumanay siyang nagsasalita, she seems fine but her eyes were almost crying.
“I’m sorry because I thought you’re being selfish.” Pag-amin ko. Napasinghap siya.
“I thought you just want to be with me, kaya pumapayag ka noon sa mga sinasabi ng kapatid mo. I thought I was the only one who’s mourning, akala ko… akala ko ako lang yung nasasaktan at nahihirapan.”
“The world doesn’t revolve only around you, Alec.” Simple niyang sinabi, nakita kong bumagsak ang luha niya pero agad niyang pinahid iyon.
“I know, I’m sorry. Then I realized, I am the selfish one.” I sinecerely said.
Tumango siya at napaiwas ng tingin.
“I was wrong in everything. I’m sorry. I really love her, I never wanted to hurt you.”
“That’s okay…” sabi niya.
“And you save me still. Hindi ako kinamuhian ng pamilya ko because we cover everything up.” I told her.
“I don’t want my Mom to be disappointed, so we’re even.” Simple niyang sinabi.
“But I know it’s not about them.”
“Of course…” she said.
“It’s because we love Awie.” Sabi ko.
Awie made us connected. We seem trapped but we both want it, for Nessa.
“Yeah…” napatingin siya sa taas, para siguro hindi na maluha ulit.
“Wala ka bang gustong sabihin… saakin?” I said napatingin siya saakin kaya napaiwas ako ng tingin.
“I don’t know. To be honest, I’m still mourning. I miss her so much and I want to cry every night because I am so mad she’s gone now… but I can’t just do that, I need to raise Nessa. I don’t want to fail her and Ate. Wala akong nararamdaman para sa sarili ko ngayon, can we just focused on Nessa? I forgave you already, kalimutan na natin ang noon. Let’s just start again casually for Nessa.” she almost cried.
“Sure. Let’s do that. I promise, I won’t fail you… and Nessa this time.” I told her.
She smiled at me.
“Thank you.” She said. Humihikbi na pero pinipigilan niyang umiyak.
Tumayo ako para lapitan siya. I hugged her. Doon na siya bumigay at tuluyan nang umiyak.
Maybe Awie’s right, I should love again.
I’ll love Nessa as a father should be,
Love Angie as what she deserves,
And will forever love Awie for she was my first. She’ll be my angel and my heaven. Forever.
