"...I'm sick!" Napapikit ako nung isigaw ko iyon. Sa dami ng luhang lumabas sa mata ko ay halos mabasa na ang buong mukha ko.
Tumingin ulit ako kay Alec. He was so shocked. Tila hindi pa nagsisink-in sakanya ang sinabi ko.
Nakaawang ang bibig niya at nakakunot ang noo.
He sighed. Tapos napasapo sakanyang noo habang umiiling.
"Chronic lymphocytic leukemia. Sabi... Sabi nila I only have 5 years to live, they told me that 5 years ago. Nakakatuwa nga eh, nandito pa rin ako." I said. I chuckled a bit pero tuloy-tuloy lang ang mga luha ko sa pag-agos.
Lalong umiling si Alec.
"No... Pleae, no..." Alec told me, lumapit siya saakin at hinawakan ang dalawa kong kamay. His eyes were red and teary.
"Maliit nalang ang chance na tumagal pa ako because late ko na nalaman, I stopped all the medication 3 years ago. I accepted it, Alec... Hindi na ako mag-tatagal..." Halos pumiyok ako.
Humigpit ang paghawak niya sa mga kamay ko tapos tuluyan nang tumulo ang mga luha niya.
I thought I've accepted it, but looking at Alec right now makes me want to beg for more years to live... With him.
"I never been happy in my life, I was always the bad person... Pero ngayon, pwede ko bang hilingin na maging masaya... Habang kasama ka?" I begged.
Alec pulled me for a hug. Ang higpit, parang hindi na ako papakawalan pa.
"I'll make you happy." He whispered. Then he kissed the side of my head.
That afternoon, Alec decided to bring me to their family doctor. Gusto niyang ipacheck-up ako, nagbabakasakaling may pag-asa pa.
Their family doctor refer us to the most outstanding oncologist in the country, as per their family doctor described.
Hindi na ako nagulat sa sinabi ng oncologist, I know that already.
After she examined my past and recent lab results, she knew that my case is hopeless.
"Who knows about your... Condition?" Alec asked. He's driving, ihahatid na niya ako sa suite pagkatapos ng mahabang oras na ginugol namin sa hospital.
"Mom and Dad." I said.
Napatingin siya saakin.
"Your dad?" Hindi siya makapaniwala.
"Kakasabi ko lang sakanya nung dumating ako." I told him.
Yup, inamin ko kay Dad. Hoping that he'll give me a chance to be happy.
Naalala ko nanaman tuloy ang pag-uusap namin...
Si Alec ang sumundo saakin sa airport. Siya naman talaga ang isa sa dahilan kung bakit pumayag din ako kay Dad nung sinabihan ako nitong umuwi ako para sa kasal ng kapatid ko.
Of course I want to be present in my sister's wedding, but aside from that... I really want to go back to see Alec again.
The first time we met, na-attract talaga ako sakanya. Because he's different from all the boys I've met before.
His innocence got me, he's cute.
Pero dahil alam kong baka hindi naman na ulit kami magkita, I did my best to stop thinking about him.
Bukod doon, mas marami pa akong dapat isipin.
I have leukemia, I already accepted my fate but of course it still bothers me. Natatakot pa rin ako sa thought na mawawala na ako, naiisip ko may langit kaya talaga? Pero kung meron din naman talaga for sure hindi ako mapupunta doon. There's no heaven for the bad bitch like me.
