“You may now kiss the bride.” The judge said.
Alec slowly looked at me, nung papalapit na ang mukha niya saakin ay napapikit ako. He gave my lips a quick peck.
Nessa cried loudly when the people around us clapped their hands because of the kiss. Napatingin ako sa gawi kung saan karga-karga ni Mommy si Nessa na umiiyak, siguro ay naaalibadbaran na sa bistidang suot niya.
Mommy smiled at me widely, umiiling-iling at parang sumesenyas na huwag ko nang alalahanin si Nessa at siya na ang bahala sa sanggol.
“We need to sign the papers, Anj.” Naagaw ni Alec ang pansin ko, nung tumingin ako sakanya ay nauna na siyang naupo sa nakahandang upuan at lamesa kung saan kami pipirma.
Everyone congratulates us, tipid ang ngiti na ginagawad ko sa lahat ng lumalapit at bumabati. Ganoon rin naman si Alec, marami siyang kausap na mga kaibigan ni Daddy at ng Daddy niya kaya hindi rin kami halos nagkakatabi.
Nakaupo lang kami ni Mommy sa dining table na para saamin at ako na ngayon ang may karga kay Nessa.
“Your apo is really Beautiful, Angel… talagang hawig ni Angie at ng asawa niya, ang anak ng unica hija ko ay purong kamukha ng napangasawa niya!” sabi ng kaibigan ni Mommy na lumapit saamin. Tipid akong ngumiti, at agad ding tumingin kay Nessa.
I caressed her face gently, she really is beautiful. Like an angel went here on Earth straight from the heaven.
“Anj…” napatingala ako dahil sa tumawag saakin, it’s Ate Aurora’s mom. Agad akong tumayo para salubungin ito. Kinuha niya saakin si Nessa.
“Ang apo ko.” she said.
Lumapit si Mommy saamin.
“You invited your Tita Siera, Anj?” tanong ni Mommy saakin, hindi kaila na pinarinig talaga niya iyon sa dating kasintahan ni Daddy.
Napatingin si Tita Siera saamin ni Mommy, at palihim na inirapan ang Mommy ko.
“Yes, mom.” Simple kong sinabi.
“Garden wedding isn’t a bad idea, Anj. Mamasyal lang kami ni Nessa sa lugar ha?” Tita Siera told me, mag-aapila sana si Mommy pero inunahan ko na siya.
“Sure, Tita. Enjoy.” I said. Sandali pang tumingin si Tita kay Mommy bago umalis.
“You let her hold your daughter? I can’t believe you!” bulong ni Mommy saakin, hindi kaila ang disgusto sa boses niya.
“She’s a family, mom. Wala na sila ni Daddy, move on.” Sabi ko.
Magsasalita pa sana si Mommy ngunit may mga bisitang lumapit para bumati saakin kaya hindi na niya nagawang salunghatin ako.
I excused myself, I wanted to go far away from that place because it makes me hard to breathe. The place was like a paradise but everything that happened there wasn’t seems right.
Everything was just a lie.
Nakakasuffocate, gusto ko nang matapos at magpahinga.
Pumunta ako sa kwarto kung saan ako inayusan kanina, walang tao dito ngayon. Lahat ay nasa labas at nagsasaya. Naupo ako sa kama, hindi ko na napigilang maiyak.
“I miss you, ate…” bulong ko sa kawalan habang umiiyak.
I remembered everything again.
She died after giving birth to Nessa. Hindi ko na maalala kung ilang araw akong tulala pagkatapos nung araw na iyon.
She wanted me to take care of Nessa and Alec. We expected what happened that’s why everything was planned before she gave birth, I agreed to her plan because I trust her and I don’t really want to turn her down, and I think Alec agreed too because it’s Ate Aurora who wanted it and if she wanted it Alec will obliged because he loves her.
I was mad about everything, I can’t help myself but to blame everyone even myself because of what happen to my poor ate.
Kung hindi lang sana naging malupit si Dad sakanya, kung hindi lang sana pinaramdam ni Mommy sakanya na hindi siya belong sa pamilya, at kung pinilit ko pa sanang hindi mapalayo sakanya… baka hindi nangyari ito, baka naiba ang ikot ng mundo.
I know, it’s also her decision to go far away from us and disobey our Dad but I just can’t really blame her. I just can’t blame the victim.
Mabuti nalang nandiyan si Nessa, she’s the only one who gave me strength, siya nalang ang dahilan kaya nakakaya ko pa. She is my responsibility, and I will never let her experience what me and ate had to experience.
Umuwi kami ng Pilipinas. Kami ni Alec at Nessa. We don’t really talk at wala na akong planong mapalapit talaga kay Alec kung hindi lang dahil sa responsibilidad naming dalawa.
“You were pregnant that’s why you stayed in USA?!” Mommy was so shocked when she heard our lies.
Sinabi ko na natakot ako dahil nabuntis ako agad even before me and Alec’s wedding, I told her I don’t want to embarrass our family kaya me and Alec decided to just go to America. Gladly, she never doubted that.
That night, Daddy was just silent. Sinadya ko siya sa library nung nakatulog na si Nessa, Alec was nowhere to be found. After we told the lies to our families, he just disappeared that night and I don’t really care where he wanted to go.
“Are you happy now?” I asked Dad. Ni hindi siya nagtaka o nagulat sa tanong ko.
“She died. At kahit sa huling sandali hindi ka nagpaka-tatay sakanya.” I continued.
Tumayo si daddy sa kinauupuan niya, dumiretso sa may bintana, tumingin sa kawalan.
I saw how his shoulders vibrated. He was crying.
I don’t know if he knew about Nessa, or if he really give a damn about our lies. Kanina tahimik lang siya at hindi ko alam kung nakikinig ba saamin.
“Isa lang naman ang hiling niya Dad, na sana makita ka man lang niya kahit huli na. Mahirap ba iyon?” I started crying too.
I remember calling him, sinabi ko sakanya nung mga panahong palagi na siyang hinahanap ni ate. He never came.
“I was scared…”
“Coward!” sigaw ko. Numaling siya saakin.
“I know, anak! Kasi hindi ko kaya! I was guilty! I can’t just go there and tell her I’m sorry because I know that’s not enough!” sigaw niya pabalik. Tuloy-tuloy sa pag iyak.
Natigilan ako. He’s guilty but he’s right, it’s not enough. It will never be.
“I hate you dad!” lalong lumakas ang pag iyak ko.
Lumapit saakin si dad. Lumuhod siya at niyakap ako.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” paulit-ulit niyang sinasabi habang patuloy sa pag-iyak.
“I’m afraid Dad that you’ll never be forgiven. Aside from it’s too late, you already lost the only one who can forgive you.” Sabi ko bago pilit na kumawala sa pagkayakap niya at iniwan siya sa kanyang library.
