Accepting what I cannot

Growing pains

One day there will be a crunch to every stepped-on leaf

And death itself will be crushed under my feet

I will take the parts of me you stole and sew them back on

And I will walk into your house full as a person until you realize it was wrong

To strip me of my war paint and to rip out my throat

So, I would never curse your name when I dared spoke

I was digesting nails and cigarette buds

Because liquor was not meant for coffee mugs

It is improvement but nothing is perfect when it comes to detox

It is an improvement, but I keep blades in my socks

I have an escape it is a last resort

It is my fear that I swallowed, it is a noose in the drawers

It is an agony I have come to accept

When they say it is just the beginning, so it is not better yet

Where is better? Because I do not want to die

I am sure it is in my surroundings but only partially in my mind

My eyes have become yours in every bit of reflection

Every voice becomes yours with the fear of rejection

Fear made the teeth rot out the people's heads

Fear tainted my views when I stopped taking my meds

Fear became you when you became fear

And talking became your screams feeling at home in my ears

Weak became the child when you picked out a name

And weak became the labeled animal in a cage