Accepting what I cannot

Chasing Life down the alley way

My teeth have long ago left imprints into the pillows he has kept

Waiting upon cases I have not lied upon yet

Singed arm hairs regret kissing the buds of cigarettes

My body knows of better lovers, I just haven't met them yet

Stuck ruminating on how to tell my kindred

I am haunted not possessed, that there is a difference

I can save myself if I forgive life for being cruel

But I would rather feel the rush of challenging my higher power to a duel

I do not owe my past the privilege of kept secrets

But I unintentionally make it feel secure in my lack of knowledge with my traumas sequence

I embrace the highs I am given with spurts of manic laughter

When you put their threats into a pipe, they cannot kill you in a way that matters

You can not dispose of me for I am not your trash

But you can drop me off at my place and give me myself back

You were my favorite drug, but I cannot look back at the abuse and say that I have missed it

Unfortunately for your pretty lies my personalities the only thing that is addictive

Night terrors are the most grotesque forms of blessings

Reminding me there are broken threads of trust that serve me no purpose mending

Being enraged is a gut-wrenching intoxication

Allowing myself to shriek to the feeling of salt being poured on abrasions

I need friends who get off to the same highs

Who understand that I don't owe anyone forgiveness, I don't owe anyone nice

I will debate morals with God because it makes me feel strong

I will say his name in vain for the sake of song

I used to say I stay on this earth out of spite

But truth be told that now I just get a rush playing cat and mouse with life