Accepting what I cannot

Mannequin heads

"Abstain from sex until you are twenty-three

Naïve little girl you belong to me

I am the man of the house and I have the say

Of the men who can and cannot make their way between your legs"

Well, I can turn mannequin heads

So thin and well-dressed I wish I were them

Some days I pretend they are mirrors

Convince myself that my body has ownership of their silly little figures

Peep holes between their thighs

Not much different from mine

But I want to exceed their deemed to be perfections

Despite their plastic and some being headless

Scattered my friends across the mall

To get myself alone with my favorite red flag in a grungy bathroom stall

Just for things to go south and to be told it was my fault

Tired from dragging every known relapse through the asphalt

Burdened with eve coming from Adams rib cage

I bleed to make up for forbidden fruits that she ate

Told women deceived since the beginning of time

That this body will suffer because this body's not mine

That this body is a temple for kings to reside

Reminded that they are the ones who made me...

The reason there is a roof above where I dine

Housewives enraged that I dare rebel

That I put myself before anyone else

They would not gnash their teeth if they could speak for themselves

They would not bitch at me about doing filthy men's dishes despite the cards they've been dealt

My family cannot fathom the sexuality I have embraced

The idea of my hips spelling out a premarital flings name

Through blinded eyes they see

Me do things only married men and women do under the sheets

Through tearful eyes they observe

Me ditch my womanhood as they call me absurd

My father scolds me for desecrating the body I was given through Abrahamic religion

That I refuse to be repaired with womanly duties and husband stitches

And my Tia shames my battle cry's

My refusal to be a faithful man's wife

It is repulsive, it is un lady like

It is a forbidden fruit that is so freshly ripe

To tattoo your body is to release pigs in their temple

To lie with other girls, they say I must be mental

Getting drunk and throwing up your food

How it lowers the expectations your families long had of you

They were your favorite gateway drug

And they are envious that they are no longer the bitter wines of which I get drunk