Accepting what I cannot

How I resurrected angels

I conversate with God in my dreams

Give refuge to an ancient deity

While they weep about human casualties

And say life's not meant to be taken this seriously

I wake up to fingernails correcting my poster

A parent's critiques years down the line paints me as an imposter

Am I supposed to trust the body that I was gifted?

Do I still owe the people who built it?

My father says the prettiest color in the rainbow is red

For the best gift to God is a sinner's blood shed

And when I put pretty colors on my lips

He becomes hopeful for future grandkids

If a chicken can no longer produce eggs it is slaughtered

I fear the same applies to daughters

"Tenga cuidado" his anger brings him back to his roots

A chancla is too feminine so he throws heavy shoes

A chancla was too feminine so I cried to the news

I still hear him say "mija those eulogies could've been for you"

And his rivals ask me what I will do when it is time for the rapture

Little do they know what they use to hate has unconditional love for a queer bastard

I will kiss who I want in men's clothes

For no one important genuinely cares what body I let grind against my bones

I will remain who I am in the comfort of a dress

I will let any deserving soul leave violet scriptures on my chest

Tell my tía in our language from home

That I can iron my hair on my own

Because there are R's I just cannot roll

But if she hears it from you there may be hope for my soul

For a while Orlando had drained the colors from my face

What would my family say if I was on the list of names?

The ones with a similar background as mine

Did their families mourn what they could not fix, or did they honor their pride?

Deep down I know where I am going to go

But I want heaven in the place I was meant to call home

Quiero encontrar el cielo en los corazones de mi familia