Luck Pusher

our movie

*A/N: hey everyone, I recommend listening to "clarity" by Kurt Hugo. Get the tissues ready too, this is an emotional one*

You got up from his chest and suddenly felt your chest getting heavy and your palms turning cold,
"Hm?" You said but barely anything came out of your mouth.

He brought his knees closer to him and placed both of his hands on them trying his best to find the words for his emotions.

He was quite for a minute, possibly trying to collect his thoughts. He finally spoke and said "you remember the first time we met I told you I had a girlfriend?" his voice deepening with every word,
"Yes" you said,
"I lied" he said and you could see he was cringing,
What? Why?" You asked, confused,
"I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable with me and besides I didn't think we'd ever meet again let alone that I'd end up liking you" he said,
"I didn't know we'd keep meeting and become friends. After that I could've told you but I was scared that you'd judge me so I kept it to myself" he took a deep breath,
"At one point I wanted to tell you how much I liked you but you got a boyfriend and I didn't want to risk losing you as a friend. Seeing you everyday with him made me really angry, I didn't even know why, I had no right to be angry. So, out of spite I got a girlfriend and hoped that I'd forget about you."
He said and looked at you,
"Spoiler alert that didn't fuckin work but also made me feel really guilty for being with someone and wanting someone else" ,
You look at him and nod with a concerned expression,
"So, I started ignoring you like the pussy that I am. I avoided your calls and texts, again hoping to make my relationship better"
He said and winced a little,
"Which clearly didn't happen since I'm with you now" he said and let out a chuckle,
"So, one argument always led to another till it reached you eventually. And I couldn't even lie because she was right. So, we broke up before it got even more toxic. I felt like a complete asshole, I didn't feel like I was a good enough person for you, so, I kept distancing myself from you"
He said and scooted over closer to you,
"Till I couldn't" he said and took your hand in his,
"That's the night I decided to call you and if I'm being honest I didn't expect you to show up but you did like you always do" he said pushed your hair behind your ears,
"I started crying as soon as I saw you not because of the breakup but because of the fact that you're so much of a better person than I am and in that moment the feeling of me not being good enough for you worsened and the only thing I could do was hold you" he said and you could see him holding back his tears,
"So I continued to be your friend just to atleast be around you but the day you saw me with my ex and I looked into your eyes and saw how hurt you were my heart sank deeper than it ever did before. So, I thought this is it I can't do this anymore and now here we are" he said and sighed out of relief.

He looked over you and saw your shocked expression,
"Why now? Why tell me all this now?" You asked,
"Because this is my very long and elaborate way of saying I love you, y/n. Looking back I fell in love with you the very moment I got to know you; the way you think, the way you smile, how at peace I feel when I'm with you, a day never goes by where I don't think about them. I've always loved you in some way or another and some part of me always will. I can just hope and pray that you love me too, even though I'm an atheist" he said and smiled.

You were on the verge of crying, you felt so overwhelmed with all these emotions and felt your eyes tearing up,
"geez, now my "I love you" is going to sound so boring" you said and managed to force out a laugh in between your tears,
"It never can" namjoon replied,
You instantly put your lips on his and kissed him, you broke out of it and whispered "I love you too, so so much" and you both kissed again.

After a minute you broke it and you laughed "this feels like I'm in a movie" you said.
Namjoon took out his phone and said "that depends on the background music", he played a suspenseful and scary song and kissed you "now it feels like we're in a horror movie about to be killed", he changed the song and put on a patriotic song "now it feels like we're in a war movie and you're kissing me for the last time before I'm drafted", you laugh really hard and take the phone from his hands and switch off the music and kiss him again, "now it feels like our movie and we don't need any background music" you said and kissed him again,
"Unless it's you moani-"
"NAMJOON!" you said and laughed.