Fool's Gold ~ Haylor

26

Taylor:

I pace back and forth in the hotel room as Harry sleeps peacefully in the bed. How am I supposed to perform tonight in front of the whole entire world? How am I supposed to go into the middle of the street and kiss Harry in front of the crowd of a million people? Let's not forget about the other 100 million families watching live at home. That's what our managers want us to do... kiss at midnight on international television.

But I don't want to.

I glance at the clock. 6:37 am. Exactly 17 hours and 8 minutes until I am supposed to perform at New Years Rockin Eve. Great.

I make myself a cup of coffee to calm my jitters, even though it probably make it even worse. But I don't care. My thoughts are scattered and i'm sleep deprived so naturally, coffee is the only option. 

I put 3 packets of sugar in the large cup of hot coffee I had just brewed. I'm convinced to put 4 instead of 3, but I have to pace myself before I go into a sugar induced coma. I walk over to the dining room table and sit in the wooden chair, curling into a little ball as I sip my coffee.

I think about everything that could go wrong tonight. What if I fall off the stage? What if my nerves get the best of me and I throw up onstage? I also have to brace myself the all of the nasty comments i'm going to recieve tonight.. God, I can't believe it's going to be 2013..

Harry rolls to the opposite side of the bed as I try to calm myself. He goes to place his arm on the spot where I was lying, but when he notices i'm not there he awakes. "Taylor?" He croaks. I smile at his boyish morning voice. "That british accent does wonders, did I ever tell you that?" I giggle, walking over to him. I sit on the side of the bed next to him and he smirks. "You like it?" He asks and I nod. He sits up and presses his warm lips against mine. "That too," I whisper and he laughs. "Is that coffee I taste?" He asks, licking his lips. "Yeah..." I try to hide a smile. Harry always teases me for drinking to much coffee. "Of course. Why are you up so early anyway?" He asks, leaning against the headboard. I take his hand and play with his fingers. "Thinking.." I say, not bothering to look up at him. "Aka, worrying about tonight, hm?" He asks, and my eyes meet his. Why does he know me so damn well? "You look so nervous.. why? This is what you do, you perform," he points out. "Lately it's just been hard, given everything they're saying about me." He sighs. "Taylor, you don't think they say anything about me? I'm the man whore who only sleeps with models because apparently i'm racists and against any girls who are bigger than a size zero," He exclaims. He has a point. "But i've always been that relatable girl that everyone loved... now i'm a slut that can't keep her legs closed," I argue. He chuckles a bit. "What? Stop. I'm serious, Harry," I groan. He looks at me and smiles. "You're not that to me.. but I do prefer your legs ope-" he starts but I cut him off by hitting him. "Shut up, Styles." 

~~

After Harry gives me much needed pep talks, we're in the car and on the way to the show. It's already 8 at night, giving me 3 hours to socialize and prep for my performance.  "Where will you be while i'm performing?" I ask Harry as we pull up to the prep stations, which are all in a building about a block away from where the actual event will be. "Wherever you want me.. probably behind the stage somewhere," he clarifies. I nod, taking a deep breath. "I'll be there waiting for you, babe. Don't worry," he whispers and quickly pecks my cheek before I have to go off to change. 

2 Hours Before...

"You look great," I hear a familiar voice say as I sit in my makeup chair. I look in the mirror and see my bestfriend. "ED!" I squeal, and run into his arms. He picks me up and twirls me a bit. "You look amazing, really," he repeats. I'm wearing a sparkly red jacket and leather pants, my eye makeup a glittery greyish eyeshadow and eyeliner. "Thank you," I giggle. "What are you doing here? I thought you had to fly to London.." I ask, crossing my arms. "Yea, London could wait. You're my bestfriend and you're performing at New Years Eve in New York. I had to watch," he says and I laugh, more of a fake laugh. Not because I don't want Ed here, but because i'm now even more nervous. 

We walk down the plain white hallways of the building, looking for something to do. "So you and Harry made up?" He asks. "Yeah.. but I can't picture us lasting long. I hate to say it but.. he just doesn't understand anything i'm dealing with right now. I mean, most people don't but he's not even comforting me. He's trying.. he just doesn't know what to say," I explain. Ed nods, walking with his hands dug into his pockets. "I don't think anyone knows what to say when someone you love is hurting themselves," he points out. "I get that... but you do. You always help." I realize what I just said, and attempt to rephrase myself. "Not in the way that I would date you instead.." I say quickly. "Just meaning that if you know what to say, my boyfriend should too.. but he doesn't," I explain. Ed chuckles. "Even Selena knows what to say," I add. "He just doesn't wanna loose you, it'll be okay."

One Hour Before:

Ed's phone buzzes as we sit in the lounge room alone, watching New Year's Rockin' Eve on tv and eating pizza. "Oh shit, I've gotta run, apparently Liam's got himself caught up in something... I'm gonna go help. Good luck tonight, Tay," he says, standing up. I smile and stand up to hug him. "Thanks Ed."

After Ed leaves, I remain sitting and eating my pizza alone. Which is sad, but it gives me time to reflect... Who am I kidding? I'm just making up excuses. I'd much rather have someone here with me right now. 

As if he was reading my mind, Niall Horan walks in. "Tay! Hey! Why are you hiding back here?" He asks as I give him a hug. "Well if I go out there i'll be chased down for interviews and i'm not really in the interviewing mood," I explain and he nods. "Me either. Mind if I sit?" He asks, pointing to the empty chair where Ed previously sat. "No, not at all," I say, sitting back down also. 

"I'm sorry, are you here with someone else? I could go..." Niall says, pointing to Ed's plate of half eaten pizza. "No, Ed was here but he went to help Liam with something," I explain and Niall chuckles. "Oh yeah, Liam's hammered right now. He could barely stand up last time I saw him," he says and I fake smile. My thoughts are running rampant, they're to intense to focus on my conversation with Niall or anything Liam's up to. 

"So.. I was kind of hoping I would run into you," Niall says after a minute, seeming to be a little more serious than before. "Oh?" I ask as I sip my diet coke. He smiles slightly. "Yeah.. I saw you walking in a few hours ago and you looked really nervous. I just thought you could use a friend," he explains. "I- uh.. thanks.. but you really don't want to get mixed up with me," I say quietly, and he just nods, like he was expecting me to say that. "We go through the same things, Tay. I get it," he says. "No, Niall. You don't know what I go through. Please don't pretend, god knows that's what everyone else does," I answer defensively. He scoffs, rolling his eyes. "You say that to everybody, I heard. But you don't know what I go through either. Don't be so quick to judge," he fights. I laugh angrily. "Okay, Niall. What do you go through?" I ask, a little harsher than I should've.

"You're not the only one that cuts," he says flatly.

My eyes widen and my jaw drops to what seems like the floor. "Y-you cut? You're the happiest guy I know!" I fight. He nods. "And you are the happiest girl I know. Funny how that's just a cover up," he says, looking down to his shoes. "It's scary how the happiest people in our lives could seem so lively and bubbly but when they go home and it's just them... they do things. Things you wouldn't expect them to do," He adds. I stare at him. "I'm sorry I judged you," I say softly and he nods. "Ditto."

A comfortable silence falls between us as the television blares in front of us. "Harry told you?" I ask after a minute and Niall nods. "Don't be mad at him, he just didn't know what to do," Niall explains. "Not know what to do? How about just being there instead of forcing me to stop.. he just kept pushing me," I explain as I fiddle with my fingers. "I know, I attempted to explain what you're dealing with but he just won't understand.. he takes fame and media pretty easily, whether it's good or bad attention." I just nod. "And you don't?" I ask. Niall shakes his head. "Not really.. I mean, i've always had depression. That's why I love music, it helps me escape, forget about it all," he explains. "Me too," I say quietly. "It's funny how you could be surrounded by so many people and still feel as if no ones there," I say in almost a whisper and Niall looks up at me. "No one I've ever associated with has felt that way but me," he says with almost a smile. "You feel like that too?" I ask. "Yeah. I don't understand it though." "Oh, me neither."

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Hey! I know this chapter comes to like a weird stop lol but I felt it was getting long so I'm going to put the second half of the night in the next chapter!

Love you all!