Fool's Gold ~ Haylor

18

Taylor:

"You sure you don't want me to stay the night?" Ed asks as I walk him to the front door. "Yes, Ed. I'm fine," I say with a giggle as I push him out of my apartment. "Okayyyy.." I lean against the door frame as we talk. "When do we start rehearsal for the tour again?" He asks. I know he's just buying time, thinking that i'll change my mind about him staying over. He just wants to protect me, which is sweet. "Uh, 2 weeks. But seriously, Ed, GO HOME!" I shout and he chuckles. "Alright, alright," he says as he pulls me in for a hug. "Be good to yourself, T," he whispers in my ear and I nod, rubbing his shoulder before he disappears down the hall.

I turn back to my empty apartment. It's just me tonight, joy. That was sarcasm by the way. My worst days are lonely days, which is ironic because technically I haven't been alone in 5 years. I plop myself on the couch and take out my laptop. Honestly, I would've loved Ed to stay with me the night, but I would hate to be an inconvenience, as I know I am.

I log onto twitter and scroll through my mentions, giggling at sweet things fans are saying.

Ed was spotted going into Tay's apartment!!! AHhH!!! OTP!! <3

Oh my gosh! Taylor's new interview is HILARIOUS! I love you Tay!!

But as I scroll, I come to the realization that there are more hate tweets than sweet ones.

I heard Harry left Taywhores today. Thank god, I hate seeing him with that slut.

New pictures of Taylor Shit walking to her car? Who the fuck cares? She could die for all I care.

@taylorswift13 go die, whore.

I hope we drive Taywhore to kill herself, there's no point in her destroying things anymore!

I feel my heartrate picking up as my eyes cloud with tears. 'They're right,' is all I can think. 'They're all fucking right about me,' I repeat in my head. Not because I want to, but because I can't focus on anything else. 

'Taylor, snap out of it. Don't do this,' I say to myself, interupting the horrible thoughts. But still, I find myself walking to my bathroom. 'Don't do this, you're not helping anything.. like usual,' I say to myself as I shuffle through the cabinet for my blade. But soon, those thoughts are clouded with the horrible ones that come back to my mind.

'Taywhore should die..' 
'Taylor Swift is such a slut..'

I glide the blade in my usual spot, under my shirt, wincing at the pain. I breath heavily as it glides across my stomach. God, it hurts. But I can't stop. I deserve this.

~~

When i'm finally finished, I put the blade in it's usual spot, clean up the evidence and drag myself into my room, plopping on my bed. I lay under the covers, tears dripping down my face, crying silently to myself and my big lonely apartment.

I drove Harry away. Why would I do that? I love him. 

But I guess you can't expect someone to love you back when you don't even love yourself.

And then my phone rings, almost like it was planned that way. I reach for my nightstand as I wipe away tears from my cheeks. "Hello?" I mumble, trying to sound happier than I am, but failing to do so. "Taylor," Harry breaths through the phone. "We can't do this," I say, immeadiately regretting it. "We can't? Or you can't?" He asks quietly. I roll onto my side, staring out of the window to the city below my apartment as I hold the phone to my ear. I know for a fact that Harry can maintain a stable relationship, but I know for a fact that I cannot.

"Maybe you were the stronger one.. out of the two of us," I choke out, trying to hide the fact that i'm crying. "I'm still in love with you, Taylor.. i'm the weak one. Aren't you happy i'm gone? You wanted it like this," he whispers. I wipe more tears from my red cheeks. "You don't get it," I answer. "Then talk to me."

"You left, Harry. I know I asked you to but I didn't mean it. You were supposed to refuse to leave me.." "How was I supposed to know that?! You fucking forced me out of the apartment," He says, raising his voice. "Because you knew I was in pain! Why don't you want to help me?! Why don't you try?!" I ask, my voice breaking into sobs. There's a silence, just the sound of his breathing coming through the phone.

"Maybe we should both just move on," he whispers, and the line goes dead.