I don't wanna be your friend

Chapter 6

Cedric found himself standing in front of the mirror, his reflection scowling back at him, looking at him in disbelief. He shouldn't be standing there second-guessing his appearance— it wasn't worth the time and effort— so he just huffed and ruffled his hair a bit into his regular style— him looking as handsome and as intimidating as ever, in his dark denim, white t-shirt whit a grey jacket— and turned around, not letting himself think too much over it, he directed his train of thoughts onto his disinterest.

He had two messages, one from Raelynn asking if he would be alright going there alone, and Alfred not questioning anything but telling him to do whatever he felt like. Alfred passed on Ken's address— where the party was being held— with no questions at all and Cedric was grateful for that because he didn't have it in himself to explain why he had decided to do something that was so unlike himself; he couldn't reason it to even himself about why he had taken such a spontaneous decision, but he was sure not going back on it.

When he told his parents not to bother about his dinner before they left for their night shift because he was planning to go to a party, his father was a little shocked but not displeased, and his mother smiled at him tiredly— her eyes holding the apology they always had—and nodded, saying "that's really nice Ced, you should have fun when you can. But be careful, okay." His father seemed to agree with it and added that he'd make time next Sunday so they could have dinner together at the new Japanese place.

Noting the address, Cedric estimated that it would take around 50 minutes for him to get there; Alfred mentioned something about how Ken's family had a whole place around the borders of the city just to throw up parties and Cedric couldn't understand how someone had the time, money and energy within themselves to invest it in activities like this and he was curious about the answer. The drive gave Cedric a lot of time for things to traverse through his head.

It wasn't like he had never attended a party before, he did, but all of them go by the same way— him going in there and not knowing what to do. He couldn't blend himself into the crowd doing what everyone else did, the idea of dancing in a party made him scowl and retreat in discomfort, he didn't want to play the lame games people played, in which they ended up kissing someone else or doing some stupid dare for their and everyone else's amusement. Cedric didn't know how people could take pleasure in all of it; his brows started pinching together as he tried to get the logic behind it. If he didn't want to kiss someone or do some stupid dare, he wouldn't do it, and no one could make him.

And Cedric didn't even want to get started on all the drinking, smoking and drugs. He had nothing against people who did, not did he judge them, but he personally felt repulsion towards being interested in it, let alone try it. So in most parties, he just stood in some corner with no one to talk to and drowned in his thoughts as he kept observing people who somehow made him feel alien, and eventually left the party.

Even now as he sat in his car parked in the vast driveway— listening to the loud music blasting out of the house blazing with a free spirit in front of him, watching people exit cars with their friends in shiny clothes with makeup and accessories, laughing and talking with excitement— he knew this would be no different from the other parties. Maybe it was a bad idea, and he wasn't here to prove anything to Damien, but the rage and frustration he felt when Damien called him out on his patheticness refused to let him back out.

He didn't know what he was doing; things could've been simpler if he had just stayed home, doing what he did all weekends... maybe give his body the rest and slumber it was starving for, or maybe he should've eaten a whole tub of salted caramel ice cream by himself and the next passing days would be the same as the previous weeks— like they should be, or he should've just got lost in his head to pass the time, but not sit here with unnecessary thoughts banging on the walls of his head. But here he was, walking straight into the pit he always avoided.